Chapter 12 #2
“Just that. Your mom basically withdrew from life to grieve. Your dad gave up his career to come home and take care of your mom, but he also fought to keep Michael’s memory alive by encouraging you to chase championship titles on the rodeo circuit. What did you do to grieve?”
Kenzie reached out and grabbed the edge of the dresser as black spots danced through her vision. “I managed.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
Swiping at tears she was fighting not to shed, she cursed her own vulnerability. She hadn’t want to show it to anyone, but particularly this man, who was notorious for running at the first sign of anything complicated.
You wanted him up and moving under his own power? You’re going to get your wish. This ought to have him hotfooting it out of the county by noon.
That thought cut the last tethers of her emotional control.
Fear and anger, thoroughly aged and seasoned by time, welled up and exploded out of her in a rush of almost unintelligible sound.
“You want answers? Get your ass out of that bed. Better yet, make it to the barn and I’ll give you all the intimate details. ”
“I don’t think I can make it—”
“Then, ask for help. But bottom line? If you want answers badly enough, you’ll find a way to get to the barn. Come find me there, Ty.” Want me enough to try. “I’ll answer your questions.” Need me enough to push past the obstacles.
Michael’s death had left her with an aching loneliness no one had ever been able to fill, partly because she hadn’t opened herself up to anyone enough to expose the hurt she wore like a mantle every day.
And she’d never allowed anyone to get close enough that they might catch even a glimpse of her most broken parts.
She’d never found anyone she trusted enough to understand her, to understand the pain and the yearning.
Until now.
Ty understood. She just needed to get him up and moving, to reinvest himself in his life and be active again. He would emerge stronger. He just didn’t know it yet.
But she’d used her brother’s memory paired with bribery to get him to do it.
Information.
The thing it turned out he wanted most was information, and it was there, within his reach.
He had only to move, to walk, to make an effort and lay claim to it.
She’d set a beginning point—the bedroom—and an end point—the barn.
If he made it from one to the other, she’d answer the questions he wanted to know.
But in the process, she risked her own emotional devastation. Those fissures of grief would split, exposing a dark abyss. When that happened, she’d survive only if he was there for her.
She needed him to need her.
TY LAY IN BED, his mind a roiling mass of thoughts and ideas and realizations he’d failed to work out over the years he and Kenzie had been first friends and then lovers.
Just now, she’d thrown out what amounted to more than a double-dog dare—get out of bed to get the answers he craved.
Then she’d fled the room as if all the regret in the world nipped at her heels.
Seeing her inherent bravery stripped of fight, reduced to flight, wrecked him.
That he couldn’t give chase pissed him off.
“And just what do you think you’d do if you caught her?” he asked himself aloud. He’d like to think he’d rescue her from the heartache of her past, but in reality, there was no way to take the hurt away or undo what she’d experienced.
And how do you think you’re any different? Who do you expect to compensate you for what life’s put you through? his subconscious demanded.
Understanding drove the air from his lungs like a sucker punch. He was no different, and there was no compensation that would give him back what he’d lost. Not any more than he could return her brother to her or compensate her for his loss.
Which meant she was ultimately right. He’d been behaving like the proverbial damsel in distress, waiting on the hero to show up and rescue him.
Shifting to his side, Ty swung his feet off the edge of the bed, the momentum helping him lever himself up to a sitting position.
Dark spots marred his vision and he blinked repeatedly.
He’d been in bed too long, had spent too much time lounging.
His muscles were almost useless, and his bones were so heavy they felt as if they’d been cast out of concrete.
He wanted to lie back down and pull the covers over his head. How had he let himself go so badly?
Easy. Whereas he’d once lived large, life now scared him because it had scarred him.
His fingertips traced the four-inch knotty line of scar tissue that disappeared into his nape.
The hair had finally grown back where the surgeons had shaved it in December.
Strobe-like memories of the day of the accident drifted through his mind, mental Polaroid images he’d carry with him forever.
Some were blurry, some were clear and there were others that were nothing more than black slides with no value.
The brightest memories, though, were when he woke from the coma.
..and the night before it had all gone down.
He remembered everything about his and Kenzie’s last night together.
The smell of her perfume, the slip of the sheet that revealed one luscious bare hip, the passion, how she’d silently watched him leave the room—all of it was fresher, more easily retrievable than memories of his last phone call home.
He lingered over the image of her lying in the tumbled bed, skin flushed and appearing well loved.
He’d recalled that last image more times than he would cop to, no matter who was doing the asking.
The accident had messed him up, left him reeling as he’d fought to recover not only physically but, as she’d pointed out, emotionally.
What he needed was to jump-start his life, to reengage on a more meaningful level.
Raking one hand through his hair, he considered what it would mean to him to take over this alleged partnership. He’d have to get her to tell him...
I’ll answer your questions.
There it was. His out. It was almost too easy.
He tightened his fingers and gripped his hair. She’d said it herself. If he made it down to the barn, she’d tell him what he wanted to know. What she’d failed to do was qualify the topics he could question her on. She’d left herself wide-open.
All he had to do was set aside the fears that were welded to his soul and then haul his broken backside to the barn.