Chapter 24
Kaze
I’m pacing the room like a caged animal, frustration boiling over. I know I’m being irrational, but it’s impossible to ignore the gnawing feeling in my chest.
And to think I used to be obsessed with feeding off the energy of drunks and junkies, I judge myself, kicking at the floor with restless energy.
That was my world, my source of life. And now? Now, all I care about is her.
I’ve been alone all day, and at first, I told myself it was fine.
She needed space, so I respected that.
I didn’t try to find her, didn’t follow the pull that would have led me straight to her, first because I wasn’t strong enough and then because… I didn’t know how she would take it.
But now? Now, I feel like an idiot.
I should have gone after her, found her, and ensured she was okay.
What kind of ghost am I if I can’t even do that? The worst kind, apparently.
The kind that lets himself grow weak, who hesitates when he shouldn’t. And that pisses me off.
I shouldn’t be this drained, this powerless. This coward.
But she lied to me and… I also don’t know how to deal with that.
I rake a hand through my hair, exhaling sharply.
She’s been gone too long. And the longer I sit here, doing nothing, the more useless I feel.
As I turn for the hundredth time, I notice the cat sauntering in, its tail flicking with a casual indifference. He hops onto the bed, curling up in the spot Khalee usually occupies.
“Great,” I mutter, staying exactly where I am. “What are you going to do to me now? Scream?” The little bastard just stares at me with those unblinking, knowing eyes, like I’m the one losing my mind.
I let out a bitter chuckle, rubbing my face. “You know, I really could’ve just followed her. But no. I had to play the noble idiot and give her space. I mean, what kind of asshole respects boundaries these days, huh?”
The cat blinks at me, unimpressed.
“I could’ve at least checked. Just a little peek. Instead, I stayed put like some helpless fool who actually thought waiting was the right move.” I shake my head, jaw tightening. “And now, what if something happened? What if she needed me and I wasn’t there? She’d never admit it, but maybe, ”
I stop myself before the thought fully forms, clenching my fists.
No, she’s fine. She has to be fine.
I look at the cat again. “Do you have any idea how frustrating she is? How much she drives me insane? I was never supposed to care this much. I shouldn’t care this much.”
The cat just purrs in response, stretching out luxuriously.
I scoff. “Of course, you don’t give a damn. You’ve got it easy. Just sleep, eat, and judge me from a distance. Meanwhile, I’m stuck here questioning my entire existence.”
And the motherfucker ignored me.
“Are you even listening, you bastard? Your owner drives me MAD.” I confess, and the cat remains impassive.
So, I continue.
Fuck it.
I’m a ghost and talking to a cat, how much worse can this get?
“The fact that I’m not with her right now, that I don’t know where she is or who she’s with, it’s burning me up inside, and it’s not even a nice kind of burning, you know?
It’s that kind of burning that makes you do things you shouldn’t, like hitting someone.
” I rub my face, feeling the weight of my own emotions.
“I know I have no right to feel this way, to be so damn restless about it. But I can’t help it.
I care about her so much, more than I ever thought possible.
It’s like a part of me is missing when she’s not around.
” And, truth be told, it was always like that, but before, I thought it was just my memories that were missing.
Now I realize it was her. She was the one missing from me.
I pause, looking down at the cat, who now seems to be listening intently, and somehow that relaxes me.
“Do you ever notice how beautiful she is? Her eyes are this deep brown, like molten chocolate. They’re so expressive, so full of life and emotion.
When she looks at me, it’s like she’s seeing right through to my soul.
She’s got this soft, warm skin, and when I had her in my arms last night… fuck, it was like coming home.”
I sit down heavily on the edge of the bed, the weight of my words settling over me.
“She has this attitude, too. Closed off, but sassy. She hides behind this shield, but when she lets her guard down… You see the real her. And I want to see more of her. The real, the fake,… Whatever she feels like showing me. I want to see it all.”
The cat purrs softly, its golden eyes locked on mine again.
Somehow, I’m crazy enough to think that he sees her, too.
“No, you can’t watch everything. You’ve already watched enough living with her. We need some boundaries, boy.” He huffs like he’s offended.
“No, no, no. You do not get to huff me. You respect me. In another life, I could’ve been your father.”
Then, the door opens slowly, and there she stands.
Her face is lit by a wide grin, her eyes shimmering with amusement.
“Oh my God,” she bursts out, laughter spilling from her lips as she leans against the doorway. “Were you seriously arguing with my cat?”
My body freezes, heat crawling up my neck. “You heard that?”
Fuck MY LIFE.
What an asshole.
What a fucking asshole.
Well done, Kaze.
WHAT AN AMAZING WAY TO EMBARRASS YOURSELF.
She nods, trying and failing to suppress her laughter. “Every. Single. Word.”
I groan, dragging my hands down my face. “This is fucking humiliating.”
She steps into the room, still chuckling. “No, this is the best thing I’ve heard in weeks.”
I glare at her, but the amusement in her gaze makes it impossible to hold onto my irritation. “You’re enjoying this way too much.”
She grins. “Oh, you have no idea.”
“Well, I’m glad that my desperation made you laugh. You’re welcome, by the way.”
“Oh, don’t blame me. I leave for a day, and you lose your last screw. Imagine if I took a vacation.”
“Would you take a vacation without me? Are you mental, love?”
She raises an eyebrow, smirking. “I mean… considering your level of insanity, it might be necessary.”
I narrow my eyes. “Don’t test me, woman. I will haunt you.”
She snorts. “You already do, dumb ass.”
I let out a dramatic sigh, flopping back on the bed. “This is abuse. This is emotional sabotage.”
“And yet, you stay.”
She starts unbuttoning her coat, shaking her head as she shrugs it off. “Alright, ghost boy, turn around. I need to get into my pajamas.”
I prop myself up on my elbows, smirking. “Oh, so we’re keeping boundaries?”
She rolls her eyes, pointing a threatening finger at me. “Yes, we are keeping boundaries. Turn. Around.”
“But the cat is looking.”
“Seriously? You’re taking the cat too much into consideration.”
“Maybe he’s not just a cat. Maybe he’s like… I don’t know, a shapeshifter?”
“For fuck’s sake. I cannot believe you would actually say that.” She laughs. “Shapeshifters do not exist.”
“I thought the same about ghosts, you know, and here we are.”
“Turn. Around,” she says, and I hold my hands up in surrender.
“Fine, fine. But just so you know, I do not agree with these boundaries anymore. If it applies to me, it should apply to the cat.”
She huffs. “Good thing I’m the only human present, which means you follow my rules.”
I dramatically sigh again and turn my back to her, crossing my arms. “This feels like discrimination.”
“Oh, please. You act like we’ve not been doing this for weeks now.”
“We have. But I never thought of the cat before.” I admit playfully.
I honestly do not care about the cat, but I’m enjoying this side of her too much, and after last night, I couldn’t be happier to see her smile and hear her laugh again.
There’s a pause. I hear the rustling of fabric as she begins to undress. “That sounded suspiciously like jealousy, Kaze. Careful, you might start developing real human emotions.”
I scoff. “Impossible. I’m far too dead for that.”
She chuckles, and I can hear the grin in her voice. “Alright, you can turn back now, sad ghost.”
I spin around, throwing my arms out. “Finally! I thought I was going to waste away into the afterlife waiting for you.”
She’s standing there in an oversized black hoodie and the softest-looking pajama shorts I’ve ever seen (today’s ones are blue). Her hair was a messy halo around her face.
“You’re already in the afterlife, idiot.”
I tap my chin. “Right. But if I weren’t, I think I’d die all over again seeing how adorable you look.”
She groans, throwing a pillow at my face, only for it to pass through me. “Shut up. If you did that magic thing of turning whole again, I would punch you with my pillow.”
“Ah-ah,” I actually laugh, stepping closer. “If I had to be whole again, I wouldn’t be the one gripping the pillows.”
Her eyes narrow slightly, but there’s a flicker of amusement in them. “Oh? And what exactly would you be gripping, then?”
I smirk, tilting my head as if considering my answer. “I can think of a few things.”
Her breath hitches slightly, and I see the way her fingers tighten around the pillow she’s now holding. The tension between us shifts, charged, something different crackling in the air.
And then, it happens.
A flicker.
The same strange pull in my chest.
My form solidifies for just a second, but it’s just enough for her to notice.
Her eyes widen. “Kaze…”
I glance down at my hands, flexing my fingers.
They feel real.
Tangible.
Warm.
A slow grin spreads across my face. “Well, seems like dreams come true.”
She stares at me, mouth slightly open, her grip tightening on the said pillow, and for a second, just a second, I think about closing the space between us.
Fuck the lies.
Fuck the secrets.
Fuck the memories.
Fuck the distance.
But before I can even think more about it, the shock on her face turns into a mischievous smirk. She swings the pillow at me with all her strength, smacking me square in the face.
I stumble back, laughing. “Oh, so that’s how it is?”
She grins, already lifting the makeshift weapon for another attack. “You had it coming. You talk too much.”