Chapter 3 – Grim
Chapter Three
Grim
“Ikeep telling you to come in more often,” Lacey says, wiggling on my lap. “If it’s a money thing, we can work something out—”
“Don’t,” I growl, shaking my head. “Don’t see anyone outside of the clinic.” The thought makes my hand tighten on her lower back. “It’s not safe.”
“Even you?” Her head tilts to the side as she looks up at me under her dark lashes.
I’d carve out my own heart before I’d harm her, but I’m living the experience of what it’s like to teeter closer to the edge of going rabid. Who you once were begins to disappear until all that’s left is simmering rage.
Hell, with the way I’ve been stalking her, I’m not sure she would agree that I’m a safer option than any of the other feral alphas that she interacts with.
At the very least, I know there are lines I would never cross, no matter how foggy my head got.
The decay eats away at an alpha until they’re a shell of who they once were.
When the haze is especially bad, it’s difficult to remember who I am, let alone make good choices.
Everything ends up tainted with a sheen of fury, but there are some things I know I would never do, because they’re diametrically opposed to who I am as a human being.
You don’t forget the rules of consent unless you’re a piece of shit who never intended to be a decent person to begin with.
“I would never hurt you,” I tell her truthfully. “But you can’t believe random alphas.”
“I guess that’s the problem.” She shrugs, cuddling closer to my chest. “You don’t feel like some random person. You’ve come to see me weekly for over two months. If we were dating, you’d be my longest relationship.”
My heart thumps erratically.
Shit.
I wonder if she can feel it with the way her cheek rests just over the organ.
Lacey groans. “That made me sound pathetic. Please forget I said that.”
“You’re never pathetic, sweetheart.” I chuckle, running my hand up her spine. “If you look at it like that, you’re my longest relationship too. You’re also a hell of a lot younger than I am. That means I’m the one who should be embarrassed.”
“Wow, multiple sentences? I think that was the most words you’ve ever said to me at one time.” She laughs. “You have a really nice voice. You should use it more often.”
I’ve always been a man of few words.
I watch and appraise any situation. You learn a lot when you let someone else lead the conversation.
I grunt, which only makes her chest jiggle against mine even harder as she chuckles. “How have you been?”
Lacey shrugs. “Fine, I suppose. I’ve been thinking about decorating for Christmas, but that’s a little depressing since I would have to do it on my own. Mostly, I don’t think it’s worth the money to buy decorations just to have them up for a week or two. I’d be the only one to enjoy them, anyway.”
My head tilts. “You enjoying them is enough of a reason.”
“Maybe.” She wiggles closer, and her scent bursts into the air. Pears and white gardenia. It’s so Lacey, and my nostrils flare as I bury my face in her hair. “What about you? It looks like you got into a fight.”
Shit.
I knew she was going to ask. It almost kept me from coming in tonight, but I’m selfish. I couldn’t fathom having to go another seven days without seeing her smile at me. Sure, I see her even on days she doesn’t realize I’m watching, but I didn’t want her to worry if I missed a week.
I already struggle with knowing she sees other alphas during the hours I don’t book with her. It’s led to an unhealthy fixation on what she does with those clients during their visits.
She and I have never crossed the line into sexual activities, but I have no way of knowing what the dynamic is when she sees anyone who isn’t me. It’s technically none of my business, even if my instincts disagree. It also scares the fuck out of me thinking about how quickly she could be injured.
I tug her even closer, and she tilts her face up to look at mine.
“Are you okay? I’ve never seen you so beat up,” Lacey says softly.
Goddammit.
I should have skipped this week’s appointment. Normally, I only fight on Friday nights after I see her. That way, I’m all healed up by the time I come in the following Friday.
The fights don’t even open until eleven p.m. She’s always safe and sound at home by the time I step inside the ring.
Before I started seeing her, I needed to fight to help combat some of the simmering rage that was always present.
I don’t need it now like I did then, but I still get a nice little buzz from teaching the young punks a lesson about how little they truly know. They’re all the same. They think they’re indestructible because they’re in their early twenties.
It’s rare now that someone doesn’t know who I am when I step inside the warehouse, which can make finding opponents difficult. Only, I had a fighter back out two nights ago, and I had to take his place, or it would have reflected badly on my boss.
I won, but the cuts and bruises haven’t had enough time to heal. Last time I was healing from a black eye, I faked a migraine and had her turn on the auxiliary lighting. While it was underhanded, it worked, and Lacey was none the wiser.
“Talk to me, Grim,” she huffs. “I worry about you.”
“There’s nothing to worry about. A training session got a little too intense,” I say, stretching the truth.
“Wait, are you a personal trainer?”
“Private security, but sometimes I train the new guys.” That wasn’t a flat-out lie. I do spend a lot of time working with the newbies to ensure they understand protocol and they’re up to the task of keeping the client safe.
It still doesn’t make me feel any less shitty.
“That’s a cool job. I thought you had some military or police training.” Lacey pulls a hand up, running her fingers through my beard as her head rests against my shoulder. “Do you work a lot? Is that why you can’t come in more often?”
I grunt.
I don’t let myself come in more than once a week, because I’m already concerned that my system views her as mine. If I saw her more often, I’m not sure I wouldn’t kidnap her ass to prevent her from seeing other customers.
“Yeah, I can imagine working private security is a full-time job,” she says, teasing her thumb over my jaw as her fingers fluff my beard. “Okay, well, we should make the most of our time together. Want to snuggle on the treatment table?”
A low growl rattles out of my chest.
She’s entirely too sweet.
And now all I can wonder is how many liberties the other assholes she sees take with how tender and giving she is.
The difficult part of being this close to Lacey is that my dick turns into a petulant teenager.
No amount of rationalizing will communicate to him that he’s not needed.
Especially when Lacey and I lie side-by-side on a bed with my face buried in her throat as she runs her fingers over the back of my neck.
“I was thinking about adopting a kitten,” she says out of nowhere.
A low rumble of a laugh escapes my lips. “Yeah?”
“Yeah,” she agrees. “I’d love a little fluff ball to come home to. I like dogs too, but I’m gone a lot in the evenings, and I feel like cats are naturally more independent. Is that a stereotype?”
“I have no idea,” I admit, fighting the urge to lick her scent from her skin.
Stay focused.
Don’t let the fog slip in.
I’m so fucking entranced by her.
It’s dangerous to be this close, but it’s also the only thing that’s going to heal my system.
At least outside of a claiming bite.
Rabid alphas only have one chance at mental clarity—bonding a scent-matched omega.
My teeth ache with the urge to plunge them into her soft flesh, and I exhale heavily.
I spend a lot of time worrying if the other alphas she sees are a danger to her, but I might be the worst offender. She’s far too trusting for how addled my mind is.
I hate it more than anything.
Not being able to trust myself is a mindfuck, when a few years ago I had perfect control over my system.
It’s the last thing I want to do, but I tug my face free of her throat, nuzzling my beard to her cheek before studying her face.
She laughs. “Your beard tickles, but I kinda love it.”
We’re both fucked.
There’s no way I’m ever going to let this omega escape. I just have to find a way to gently ease her into my lifestyle.
Oh yeah, and have a serious conversation with my boss about getting his shit together.