Chapter 30
Chapter Thirty
Sage
I’ve been at the lavender farm for over a week now, and today is supposed to be my one-on-one date with Vee.
The first thing I think of when I wake up is that poster.
The way my entire system shocked cold, like ice flooding my veins when their names jumped out at me.
I know we should address it; figure out a plan, or call an attorney or the omega support line or something, but I can’t face it.
Everything in me recoils when I think about it, so I simply don’t.
I refocus on my safe little bubble and getting to spend quality time with Vee today. I’m not sure what she has planned, but I don’t know if I’m ready to leave the security of the farm yet. Thinking about it makes me want to hide.
I wish I had a proper nest.
Seeing that poster shook me yesterday, and although I’ve calmed down since then, I don’t want to take any chances.
Vee knocks on my open doorframe as I’m staring at my walk-in closet, and I quickly back out and shut the closet door, hoping she didn’t see inside.
“Oh good, you haven’t dressed yet,” she says. “I know it’s not super exciting, but as it’s Sunday, we have some fun activities around the farm today. I thought we could do some of that for our date, that way we can stay close.”
I slump with relief. “That sounds perfect.”
I quickly shrug out of Brooks’ oversized t-shirt I slept in last night and throw on a comfy outfit.
Next thing I know, Vee’s tucking a croissant from the bakery into my hand as she pulls me out the door.
“I figured we could start with a more comprehensive tour than that ramshackle one Riley gave you,” she says with a wry grin.
I take a big bite of my croissant and return her smile.
Her hand is warm around mine, and it feels nice to meander among the rows of lavender with her.
We’re away from the areas where customers and tourists are, for now at least, so it’s quiet with just the morning birds chirping around us, and a few bees waking up.
She guides me behind the house to a part of the farm I haven’t seen before.
“Is that a barn?” I ask, squinting at what looks like a slightly dilapidated building.
Vee wrinkles her nose. “It used to be a pole barn, where the previous owners stored all manner of machinery and equipment. I was trying to clean it out for a while, but I didn’t keep up the maintenance on it.”
“Oh, so you don’t have any animals, then?”
She looks down at me, a contemplative look on her face. “We don’t, but I’m not opposed to it. What kind of animals would you want on our farm, Sage?”
“Oh,” I splutter. “No, I didn’t mean—”
“Shh, I know. I’m just curious what animals you like.”
I look back at the pole barn, then the swaying purple flowers around me.
“I don’t know,” I shrug. “I’ve never had any pets, but I’ve always loved lambs and sheep. How they look, at least.”
“Some of them are very sweet,” she says. “Sounds like we need to find you a sheep to meet.”
I try to hide my smile, feeling shy about it for some reason, but Vee doesn’t let me.
“Look at me, Sage,” she says, her voice soft.
I tip my face up to hers, and her deep brown eyes flick between mine. Eucalyptus and sun-drenched cedar wood swirl through the air around us.
“I’d like to kiss you, if you want that.” Her gaze is earnest, her lips hinting at a smile.
I nod, my eyes wide. I’ve been avoiding thinking about it because I don’t know how to actually be intimate, or be in any sort of relationship, really. When I kissed Riley, it was mostly because I rolled into him in the back seat, and then it just… happened.
She quirks a smile. “Brooks would make you use your words.”
I nod again, biting my lip, and her smile grows.
“I’m more interested in making sure you know you can stop things at any point. Anything from hand holding to kissing, sex or more. We don’t do anything you don’t want to do, okay?”
Her smile has fallen, alpha dominance flaring as she cups my cheek in one palm.
“Yes, alpha,” I say.
She pauses, and I wonder if she’ll tell me not to call her that too. I’m surprised to realize that I like calling her alpha, though. It’s different with her than it was with Steve or Josh.
“Good. Now, can I kiss you?”
I nod and rise up on my tip-toes, but she still has to bend down to meet me. Her plush lips meet mine, and they’re so pillowy soft I can’t help but moan into them. She smiles into my mouth, then kisses me again.
To my consternation, instead of deepening the kiss, she pulls away.
“Let’s continue our walk, Sweetling. I’ve got a lot to show you today.”
We spend a peaceful morning exploring the grounds together, both the lavender fields and the undeveloped areas that are mostly forest. It’s so relaxing to be out in nature, not having to worry about where I’m going or if I might be caught.
I haven’t been surrounded by trees like this since I was a kid, and I love soaking up the birdsong while dappled sunlight plays across the forest around us.
Our steps are soft on the blanket of pine needles, the air warm on my skin, and a feeling of contentment seeps into my usually tense muscles.
“I have an idea I want to run by you. Feel free to tell me if you’re not up for it,” Vee says, pulling me from my reverie.
“What is it?”
We round a bend in the trail we’ve been following, and somehow we’re back near the public area, on the opposite side of the shop.
“We have a community garden,” Vee says, pointing to a fenced in section with raised garden beds that I hadn’t noticed before. “There’s a group that meets up every Sunday that I wanted to introduce you to.”
“Oh,” I hesitate, some of the tension returning to my shoulders and back. Meeting new people wasn’t on my radar for today. “Why?”
Vee stops walking and pulls me into her arms, curling them protectively around me. My body instinctively relaxes in her hold with her eucalyptus and cedar scent surrounding me, but my mind is still on alert.
“It’s a gardening club, but they’re very casual. I think mostly they meet up to chat, rather than actually garden,” she says with a soft huff. “But the reason I wanted you to meet them is because they’re all omegas—well, mostly. There is one beta in the group, too.”
“An omega gardening club?”
“Yep. I know they’d love to meet you. I thought you might enjoy getting to know other omegas. Have someone to talk to who understands what it’s like. They’re very friendly and welcoming.”
My omega instincts flare, a surge of apprehension shooting through me when she mentions how friendly and welcoming they are. It’s ridiculous, and even if she has been with any of them, it’s not like she knew me at the time. I have no right to feel hurt by the thought, but I am.
Vee draws in a slow breath through her nose, then looks down at me. I avert my eyes, staring resolutely at our feet instead of up at her.
“Hey,” she says, voice soft. “What just went through your head?”
I shake my head, unable to voice it. I know I’ve never been a good omega.
That’s probably why she wants me to talk to them, so I can learn from them how to be a better omega for her pack.
It makes sense, but I thought I had been doing okay.
Hurt and shame spiral through me, and my insides turn queasy as my scent plummets.
“Whoa, Sage,” Vee says. She pulls me down as she sits on the ground, tugging me into her lap and wrapping her arms around me. Her purr rumbles to life, and tears hit my eyes. “Talk to me, sweet girl.”
“I know I’m not a good omega. I don’t know how to be.” The poisonous words pour out of me without my permission. “I thought I was doing it, though. But if you want me to talk to them, I will. I can learn to be better for you—”
“Shhh, Sage.” Vee squeezes me tight, and a sob hitches in my throat.
“That’s not at all what I was getting at.
I’m so sorry it came across that way. You’re perfect for our pack just as you are, and none of us thinks you’re doing a bad job being an omega.
I’m so proud of how brave you’ve been, opening up and letting us take care of you.
Trusting us to keep you safe, and letting us get to know the real you. ”
I try to let her words sink into me, but it’s hard to get past the thoughts swirling in my head. That inner voice that tells me she’s wrong.
“I wouldn’t lie to you, Sage,” Vee says, somehow countering where my thoughts are going. “Look at me.”
I sniffle and look up through my wet lashes, barely holding the tears at bay.
Her eyes are earnest, her scent steady and strong.
I shove my nose into her neck and suck in a deep breath, the sharp eucalyptus cutting through the fog in my head.
I shudder, and her fingers thread into the hair on the back of my head, holding me close as she rocks and purrs.
“I’m so sorry, sweet girl. Let me fix it. Can you tell me what came up for you?”
“I thought you must have been with them,” I mumble into her neck, and the tears finally escape, streaking down my cheeks. “That they’re better omegas than me, so you want me to be more like them.”
“I see,” Vee says, falling silent for a moment. Before my thoughts can pick up again though, she continues. “I can understand why your thoughts took you there, but that’s not true at all, Sage. Can I be honest with you?”
I pull back to look up at her again, surprised. “Of course.”
“I’ve never been with an omega.”