Chapter Four #2
A burst of rage flared in my chest at the man seated beside me. Of course he hadn’t bothered to tell me any of this. He didn’t think I needed to know anything besides how to smile on command and vomit back the lines he told me to say.
But the rage burned out as quickly as it had come, becoming ashes of despair.
All I’d ever wanted was my father’s approval, and all he wanted was a doll that did his bidding.
His smile when he came into my room that morning was the first time I’d seen a genuine one on his face for as long as I could remember, but it was only because things were going the way he wanted and he knew I’d go along with it because no matter how scared I was, I couldn’t stand up to him.
“So, the infertility, that’s been corrected?”
The woman my father had greeted as a councilor had asked the question, and I focused on her, the spinning thankfully stopping with something to latch onto.
The plan for my life had changed over time, but my desire for children had remained constant since I’d been a little girl.
Losing my mother to cancer when I was young had left a hole in me, and if there was any chance this injection could place having children of my own at risk, I’d find a way to refuse.
I hadn’t thought it was possible for the commander to get any stiffer, but I noticed him at the edge of my vision, his entire body seeming to strain towards Dr. Keene.
The doctor didn’t flinch, but for a moment I thought I saw a blue glow beneath her lab coat. Her lips thinned and it took a moment for her to respond, but she remained steady as she answered.
“The infertility caused by the first version of the serum was due to the trauma caused by the speed at which the change happened. We’ve refined it since, slowing the process and allowing the body more time to adjust. There should be no effect on the ability to conceive or carry a healthy baby to term. ”
“A hybrid.”
My father’s voice cut across the room, drawing everyone’s attention to him. Even the Morraki general stopped staring across the room, his golden eyes locked on my father.
“Yes, General Hale, the baby would be a hybrid. We theorize that since the Human mother is receiving Morraki genes to become an omega, any offspring will likely be more Morraki than Human, but they will still carry some of our DNA.”
My father was a master at hiding his true feelings, but I was just as adept at reading them beneath his mask. He was revolted by the idea of a hybrid between us and the Morrak, but no one in the room would have been able to tell from his serene nod.
I was floundering again. My father wanted to trade me away to an alien, one I had to change my very DNA to be compatible with, but he didn’t want there to be children from the union?
The answer dawned on me, and I slumped back in my chair, turning to look at the Morraki commander. The only one of the Morraki I’d been introduced to, and the glee it had caused my father that he’d chosen me.
My father wanted me close to the leader of our new allies. As close as it was possible to be. He expected me to snoop and learn what they didn’t want to tell us themselves, and feed it back to him. He was using me the way he would one of his soldiers, with as little regard for how I felt about it.
But the doctor said the changes the injection caused were permanent. If my father had some reason to want me to spy on the Morrak that might lead to the alliance ending, what would happen to me?
Cold seeped through my chest as I stared into silver eyes, spreading from the middle until it invaded my limbs and pushed a lump up into my throat. The commander’s head cocked, an unreadable expression passing over his face.
The only explanation was that my father truly cared for me as little as he did for the nameless soldiers he sent into battle. I was an asset, a piece in his game, and he was trying to move me into the position that gained him the most.
Even if it meant I would be abandoned in the end.
My lungs hitched on my next inhale, my throat clogged. I had to blink back tears, turning away from the commander to stare down into my lap.
I’d been abandoned once before, because of my father. His outspoken opinions made being related to him a liability to my ex-fiancé’s political ambitions, so I’d been cast aside.
“Are there any other questions?”
It took a moment for the doctor’s voice to sink in, and even though I knew it would irritate my father, I raised my head.
“If we get the injection, but things don’t work out with our… alpha… You’re saying we would remain an omega? Would we be able to marry and have children with a Human?”
A crease formed between her brows, and Isolde turned to look back at me. I could still feel the commander’s gaze boring into me, but I had to know for certain that I understood correctly.
“While you would certainly be able to marry anyone, it would not be possible to conceive with a Human since your chromosomes would no longer align with theirs. But that really won’t be an issue.
The Morrak don’t marry, they bond. They have a type of…
psychic link. They can feel each other’s emotions, and the alphas are biologically driven to take care of their omega.
I know it’s hard to understand before you feel it yourself, but a bond is forever. It’s unbreakable.”
I was sure she meant what she said to be comforting.
Just as sure as I was that my horror showed on my face.
If Commander Draevahn found me disgusting, I would feel it. It would be inescapable.
And if I went through with this, this was it.
Unbreakable.
I could never have children with a Human, and I would be able to feel the commander for the rest of my life, even if he decided to leave me. Even if my father brought the alliance to an end and the commander hated me.
My stomach twisted, bile surging up the back of my throat.
This was too much.
Too big of a commitment.
My father couldn’t ask this of me.
But as I leaned forward in my seat to stand and leave, his hand clamped over my arm, pinning me in place. My gaze jerked to his, the hard lines of his face tempered for the others around us, but his eyes flashed in the way I knew.
My chest heaved, my heart pounding against my ribs, and the threat I saw promised in his glare only made it worse.
If I stayed, if I got the injection and bonded with the commander, I’d be trapped. Forever. Even if things went bad, even if the alliance ended, even if he despised me… There would be no going back. There would be no future where I fell in love with someone and got married and had children.
But if I walked out, I had a feeling my life here would be worse.
My father had dropped hints all my life that made it seem like he’d cast me out if I didn’t play along with what he wanted.
With no place to live and no income, things would be bad, and if it got out that my father had disowned me, there would be no chance of ever being able to get hired at a clinic, even if I managed to scrape up enough money to take the test for my license.
My father clearly wanted this to happen, and if I took it away from him at the last moment when he thought he’d succeeded, there was no telling how terrible the fallout would be.
I wanted to hate him. I should have, for so many reasons.
But the little girl who wanted someone to love her was still at the heart of who I was, and I couldn’t help the driving need to earn his affection.
Moisture collected along my waterline, beading up and threatening to slip down my cheeks.
I glanced back at Commander Draevahn. He’d taken a step closer, blocking the end of the row I sat on, his markings burning bright crimson.
His brows were lowered, the ridges he had instead of hair along his brows making his face more angular and harsh, but I wanted to believe it was concern I saw on his features.
Concern that his intended was trying to leave?
Or concern that I was here against my will?
Trying to calm myself and think through my options, depression surged again.
I could refuse this and lose the only family I had.
Or I could give in and, maybe, earn my father’s approval.
Finally.
My shoulders drooped and I sagged back into the seat, deflating.
The commander couldn’t be any worse than my father, and if he cared about the alliance, he wasn’t likely to do anything to risk it, like hurting me.
The worst that could happen would be that I was trapped in a loveless relationship, miserable.
But maybe, finally, have a father who cared.
Once again, I gave up before I even tried.
A part of me was screaming and wanted to shake me until my teeth rattled, but it was too easy to shove that part back into its box and cram it in a dark corner of my mind where it could be ignored.
I didn’t think I would ever be the person who could stand up for myself, no matter how badly I wanted to be.
Swallowing and blinking away the tears, I sucked in a deep breath and met my father’s eyes, giving a small nod of acceptance. His lips twitched, as if he wanted to smile, but he turned away before I could see more than a flash of triumph.
He’d won, and he knew it.
He always did.