Chapter Seventeen
Serenya
Darkness pulled at the edges of my vision, threatening to take me away. I wanted oblivion, wanted to forget what I’d just heard, but that wouldn’t help.
“I—I need time. To think.”
Kael’s chest rose and fell, a low rumble emanating from him, and his kethra glowed as bright as mine. He was upset too.
Upset at me.
But it wasn’t my fault!
Rage warred with the shock and fear swirling inside me. My father must have submitted my DNA for testing without my permission, withheld knowledge I needed to make informed choices, and rushed me through the process so there was no way I could have said no.
He’d betrayed me.
The little girl who only wanted her father’s love sobbed inside me, broken and hopeless at last, but she wasn’t the one who had to face the reality in front of me.
Kael nodded once, then strode from the room, back and tail stiff. The door closed between us, and the trembling I’d fought to contain overflowed, leaving me in a heap on the floor.
Could I really do this?
I’d never been ashamed of my body, but I wasn’t a Human’s standard of beauty. My thighs were too thick, my stomach too round, my breasts too large. I loved my curves, but comments from my father and ex-fiancé convinced me I needed to disguise them in public.
And now Kael asked me to be naked.
Not just for him, but for all of his people.
More than naked, we were expected to have sex while being watched.
And what did he mean by knot?
Resting my head in my hands, I let the tears flow, trying to work through what scared me the most. If this was what was normal for them, my nudity wouldn’t be odd. It would be my differences they would notice. My paler skin and lack of a tail.
My Humanness.
The only other Human on Morrakan was Rowena, and she’d have to go through the same ritual.
She was the only thing they’d have to compare me to, and she was the same size as me, so perhaps, here, my body wasn’t something to hide.
If the Morrak didn’t care about my curves, or perhaps even valued them, why was I scared, other than the ingrained idea that it was wrong?
Kael.
The advice that what other people thought of you didn’t matter had been around for centuries, but when someone is in the public eye, that advice is wrong.
My father had taught me to act like someone was always watching, and to never do anything that would make him look bad.
And while I had seen no hints that the Morrak had an issue with Kael taking a Human mate, he had mentioned there was.
My world certainly would have thrown a fit if a United Earth Councilor had married an alien.
Fingers tightening in my hair, I let the sting ground me and stopped avoiding the bigger issue. My concerns were for more than the public opinion about me.
Once Kael claimed me, I would be able to feel his emotions. If he was doing this strictly for the alliance and there was no attraction to me…
Could I accept that?
Live with it?
But, no. On the way to his home, and again in the room surrounding me, I’d felt the tension between us. Seen it in the way his kethra glowed.
There was something there. Something more than politics.
And I’d ruined it with my fear and questions.
I heaved out a breath. I was still scared, but it was Kael’s rejection I was scared of more than the public ceremony.
If he decided I was too much trouble, or his people were too upset about him claiming me, that was it.
I had committed to a permanent changed in a time when relationships were anything but permanent. I’d learned that the hard way already.
Wiping my face, I was pushing off the floor when a chime sounded through the room. I had enough time to stand and dust off my hands before the door opened, Kael’s form framed in the doorway.
Above the crystal, the sun had set. The only light holding back complete darkness was from the little flowers blooming on the plants around the edges of the room, and my glowing kethra.
Kael’s grey skin blended into the walls, and he’d brought his kethra under control, so the little streaks of crimson and the silver of his eyes were the only thing I could latch onto to see where he was.
He closed the space between us but didn’t come as close as he had before. Even though he stopped only a few steps away, it felt like a vast distance, and my heart spasmed.
“The Karzhari are the Keepers of the Bond. I think you would call them priestesses. I have requested that they come speak with you, so you may ask any questions you have. Once you have the information you need, you may make your choice to remain on Morrakan...”
His chest rose on a deep breath and I chose to believe it was reluctance that made him pause.
“Or return to Earth.”
My heart fluttered, the sound of my rushing blood loud in my ears. He was offering me an out but didn’t seem to understand that it wasn’t really an option.
Or perhaps he did, and he offered it because he knew I’d have to refuse unless I wanted to spend my life alone.
I opened my mouth, but he kept speaking before I could respond.
“You will sleep in the nessha. It is yours. I may be gone when you wake, but I will return once my meeting with the council is over. To allow the Karzhari in, you only need to press your palm to the pad on the wall.”
He sounded so formal. After the way he had seemed when he first entered the bedroom with me, it made a chill roll down my spine. I couldn’t help feeling like I’d broken something.
Something important.
“Where will you sleep?”
My voice was soft, still scratchy with tears.
I didn’t know where or when he’d slept on the ship since I’d been sick most of the trip and the couch had been too small for him, but he couldn’t have stayed up the entire time.
The couch here looked larger, but it would still be difficult for someone his size to be comfortable on it, and he had to be exhausted.
My question must have caught him off guard, because he stared down at me before glancing back towards the door. I reached for him without thought but stopped my hand before I grabbed his arm.
“You—You can sleep here.”
His silver gaze locked on me again. Between the subtle red glow of his kethra and my amber light shining off him, it looked like flames danced along his skin, and I had to swallow before I could finish.
“It’s plenty big enough for us both. I don’t mind. It’s your bed too.”
I stopped myself before I could continue babbling. My skin was flushed and I was breathing hard, but I needed to do something to fix the distance I’d put between us. If he was really giving me a choice, I needed to know how he felt just as much as I needed to know what to prepare for.
He dipped his chin slowly, watching me the whole time.
“As you wish. The Morrakan night is long, but you should sleep as much as you can.”
Swallowing again, I nodded. The fatigue from the change still lingered and my head was aching from the strain of the day, so sleeping sounded like a good idea.
I just didn’t know if I would with him beside me.
Preparing for bed seemed to take a matter of seconds even though it was probably closer to thirty minutes before I was carefully walking up the two steps to reach the blankets.
Kael’s massive form was already stretched out on his back on the opposite side, almost disappearing into the dark bedding.
He must have removed his uniform while I was changing and washing my face, but he had a blanket over his lower half, and I couldn’t help eyeing the kethra on his chest.
I couldn’t see much more of him in the darkness than the lines, but the little dips and valleys they seemed to follow down to the blanket had my throat growing dry while other parts of me dampened.
The doctor hadn’t been wrong about increased secretions, but I was fairly certain the desire I kept fighting was due to Kael himself, not the injection.
I pulled back one of the blankets and slipped beneath it, lying on my side with my back to Kael.
Nothing I did was going to make this less awkward, but both of us staring up at the ceiling while trying not to touch would be worse than pretending to sleep while imagining what he was wearing beneath the blanket.
Clenching my thighs, I forced my eyes to close and tried not to squirm. I could barely hear the sound of his breaths over the thrum of my own pulse, but eventually my heart calmed, and I used his exhales to practice a technique I’d learned to quiet anxiety.
It worked, because the next thing I knew, I was on my belly with a weight on my back, and something wrapped around my leg. There was also something quite large and hard pressed into my other thigh.
The hair behind my ear stirred with each of Kael’s exhales, and I couldn’t stop my heart from jumping into my throat as I stiffened, even though part of me wanted to arch and rub myself against him.
The weight of him on my back was comforting, but my brain couldn’t get out of the way and let me enjoy it.
I didn’t realize his chest had been vibrating until it stopped, tension building in the muscles squashing me to the bedding.
I licked my lips as I tried to keep my breathing even while his tail unwound from my leg.
The sensation had me shivering as my core clenched, and once again the gusset of my panties grew damp.
“I did not mean to touch without permission. Forgive me.”
His rough voice in my ear didn’t help the way my body was responding, and when I tried to speak, all that came out was a squeak.
Kael rolled away, the loss of his body heat immediately making me shiver and reach for the blanket. The shorts and tank top I’d worn to sleep in were perfect for the warmth of Morrakan, but after having him atop me, the room was cold.
“The Karzhari will be here soon, and Daylen will bring breakfast for you. I must meet with the council and make sure nothing has happened during my absence.”
I hated the stiffness in his voice. I wanted the Kael who had pinned me to the tunnel wall back. The one who had made me hope, for a second, that this could be something more than a loveless union.
Was it better to be forever tied to someone who felt nothing for you, or forever alone?
What if he felt something worse than nothing?
“It’s okay. I didn’t mind the… cuddling.”
Glancing over my shoulder, I realized he’d already risen from the bed. He was standing with his back to me, tying his pants above his tail.
The sun hadn’t risen yet, so it was still dark within the room, but the glow of the plants seemed brighter than when I’d gone to sleep.
The kethra lining the muscles of his back flashed for a heartbeat, and his head turned enough for me to see the side of his face.
A tooth shone in the dark, his profile devastating to my underwear.
“Cuddling? I don’t know this word.”
My eyes narrowed as I pushed myself upright, still clutching the blanket to me. Kael turned to face me, his expression smooth once again, but the way he looked at me made me clench my knees together.
“When two people are physically close, hugging or touching, in a non-sexual manner.”
One brow rose as he shrugged into his uniform top, crossing the sides over his abdomen. Part of me was sad that he was covering himself, but it should have helped me focus.
Except I knew what it was covering now, and I had a strong suspicion there wasn’t anything underneath the clothing I could see, which meant when he’d been against me…
The only thing that had separated us was the thin silk of my sleeping shorts.
“Non-sexual? As opposed to…”
He had to be teasing me.
My heart rose from my stomach where it had lingered and started pounding. My insides were fluttering, and I was half concerned that I needed to find a towel before I soaked through my shorts and soiled the bedding.
“As opposed to… being intimate. You cuddle cute, soft things. Babies, and puppies… Maybe really great pillows…”
I trailed off as he walked around the bed, coming to stand right in front of me. Reaching out, he pushed a strand of hair out of my face and tucked it behind my ear.
“And omegas?”
The question was soft, almost a whisper, and for once he didn’t seem to have the mask of the Morraki Commander on.
His thumb brushed along my jaw before he pulled away, and the moment of vulnerability was gone.
“If you choose to stay once you’ve spoken with the Karzhari, I can show you more of Korvashan. I’d also like you to learn the basics of surviving in the desert, even though you should never be on the surface alone, or away from Korvashan.”
My heart gave a spasm at the careless tone to the words. He was trying to make it sound as if it didn’t matter to him if I stayed, while telling me he wanted me to learn how to survive on his world in case I found myself stranded alone. If he truly didn’t care, that wouldn’t matter to him.
Right?
I didn’t know if what I was sensing was true or something I was making up in my head, and it was on the tip of my tongue to just ask him, but he turned away and the words died in my throat.
He walked all the way to the door before pausing, speaking to me while keeping his back turned.
“If you need me before I return, tell Daylen. He knows how to reach me. For anything.”
I tried to swallow the lump in my throat, but it refused to budge as he left the room. I sat on the edge of the bed, too confused to even think, simply staring at the plant on the wall across from me.
The petals almost looked like tentacles hanging down around the stem. The center of the flower glowed blue, but the color shaded to violet as it moved out from the middle. There was a steady, slow pulse to the light, almost like a heartbeat, and I focused on it until mine matched.
I could do this.
I was here, I had come this far, and I could hold it together long enough to get my questions answered so there wouldn’t be any more surprises.