Chapter Thirty-Seven #2
Claw marks.
If Saed’s miracle salve hadn’t been able to erase them, they had to have been deep. She would have been maimed, possibly worse.
My stomach dropped. I hadn’t realized her injuries had been so severe.
“I—”
The word scraped out of me, sticking on the lump in my throat. Swallowing, I forced myself to try again.
“I wanted to see how you were doing.”
Rowena let out a laugh that wasn’t a laugh at all, hugging her arms around her chest.
“I’ve been turned into a mood ring, and I look like I got jumped by one of those extinct jungle cats.
I scream when I try to sleep and wake up sweating because I can still feel claws slicing through my face.
Then I have to take multiple showers because of the sensation of blood running down my neck. ”
Her voice cracked, anger and fear all tangled together, and my lungs froze.
“There’s no refund for this omega thing, and there’s no stopping my coming heat so I’m just going to have to suffer through it. Alone. For the rest of my life.”
Tears pricked my eyes at the pain in her voice, my heart breaking for her. Kael sent a wave of reassurance through our bond, likely feeling my distress, and it was all that let me hold onto my own emotions.
“So I’m doing just wonderful.”
She stared at me with eyes too bleak, and I reached out without thinking. She flinched away before stopping herself, and I watched her struggle before she slowly extended her hand towards mine.
“Rowena, I’m so sorry for what happened to you.”
She stared at me a few more seconds then shook her head and looked away, but her fingers clung to mine like I was the only thing keeping her from drowning.
“Yeah. Me too.”
The silence that followed wasn’t comfortable. It was the kind of silence shared by people trying to untangle their own thoughts to find something appropriate to say.
After a long moment, she met my eyes again, then looked around.
“I—I would invite you in, but…”
She didn’t have to explain because I knew. That was her safe space, and she wouldn’t want anyone in there.
“You could join me on the couch?”
I gestured to one of the many seating areas scattered along the hallway, and after looking both directions, she gave me a hesitant nod.
Her scent had been potent with the door of her room open, but some of it was reduced when we moved away from the saturated space. It was still thick and sweet, the mark of an omega near her heat, but it didn’t make my skin prickle anymore. I wasn’t sure how the Karzhari handled it.
She settled on the edge of the couch, as close to the arm as she could get, and I took a careful seat on the opposite end so she had as much space as I could give her. I was still searching for something to say when she broke the silence.
“Is it true? That we… become mindless? That it hurts if there’s no… no one to help us?”
I swallowed. She wasn’t going to like the truth, but lying would be worse.
“To a point. You will feel fevered, like the initial few days after the injection. Your body will… prepare itself for what’s meant to happen. It’s… messy. And you will want lots of soft blankets and pillows to make yourself a comfortable place to rest.”
I paused and let out a breath, sucking in another before forging on.
“Then you will crave an alpha. A… knot. The desire… It’s intense. Nothing matters but easing the ache.”
She shut her eyes, a single tear escaping and tracking down her cheek.
“Great,” she whispered. “Sounds fun.”
I didn’t reach for her. I couldn’t tell her it would be okay. Lies weren’t what she needed.
Instead, I studied the wall across from us and shared the truth.
“I don’t remember much of it. After the ceremony, it was mostly a blur. The bond though…”
My fingers brushed against my neck where Kael’s mark shone red even in the bright light.
“It’s amazing. A true connection.”
I pretended not to notice her sniffle as she wiped her eyes before turning to look at me.
“I thought they were making that part up.”
I smiled, laughing a little.
“I did too. But it’s true. I can feel him, here.”
I placed my hand over my heart.
“It won’t make up for what happened, but it might help. Have you considered giving Jorath another chance?”
She grimaced and turned to stare at the wall again.
“Things weren’t great before the attack. Now… I’d never be able to look at him without thinking of how he left me there. How he looked at me afterward. It was Teylan who fought them off and took me to Saed.”
I let out my breath then said the only other thing I thought might help.
“You could always choose another?”
I wasn’t sure how that would work out, but I was sure I could convince Kael to let her have a say in who she was with after what had happened to her, except she was already shaking her head.
“No. I want to go home. This was a bad decision.”
I wanted to argue but knew it would do no good. After what she had been through, nothing I said would matter.
“Maybe you could ask Saed about a… a suppressant? Or maybe something to knock you out during your heat if they can’t stop it?”
She met my eyes again, grim determination on her face.
“I did. There is nothing that will prevent it, and he doesn’t think drugging myself is a good option. I guess I’ll see how bad it gets, and if I can’t take it…”
She trailed off with a shrug, but the look on her face worried me. If she were truly desperate, there were lots of things she might try, most of them dangerous or unhealthy.
“I’m here. If you want to talk. Or need to cry. Or just want someone to listen who doesn’t think you’re crazy and understands how your body suddenly feels… alien. You can always contact me.”
It would be harder if I wasn’t on Earth, but I didn’t say that. If Kael could communicate with the UEC from Morrakan, there had to be a way for Rowena to reach me if she needed to.
Her lips lifted even though the smile didn’t reach her eyes.
“Thanks. I think I’m going to go lay down now.”
She rose and walked to her door. I stayed on the couch, watching her, and she looked back at me before she slipped into her room.
“Thanks. For coming to see me. And for being honest.”
The door hissed shut behind her, but I remained on the couch until the ache in my chest grew too strong to ignore. Head throbbing, I made my way to the lift, trying to think of how I could help. How I could make sure no one else suffered the way Rowena had.