Chapter 10 Neirin
NEIRIN
Looking down at the body of the King—of my father—a cool displacement settled over me.
The sight before me was so overpowering, it numbed me and set me apart from myself.
He trembled with spasms. His mouth gaped for air.
Blood trickled from the corner of his lips, but I knew him to be lost to the world already.
There was a haze in his eyes, wide and set on the ceiling. That look spoke of death.
The woman at my side broke from the stupor of shock first and rushed to the King. Her quick movement tore me from my displacement. As she knelt, hands quivering, my heart leapt back into rhythm.
“You must go,” I said, the words coming out forced.
Shaking her head, the woman placed her hands around the dagger that protruded from Kaius’s chest, applying pressure to the wound as I’d learned to do in basic field training.
“I am a healer,” she said, though the statement was laced with self-doubt.
“He is already dead,” I snarled, panic rising.
“No,” she gasped. Tears began to roll down her cheeks from beneath the mask, and I cursed. “No, I can help him.”
I grabbed her by the crook of her arm. The sickening twist of emotions that swirled within me added a sharpness to my actions. I tugged on her, harder than necessary, when she resisted. Blood pooled from the wound in the absence of pressure, and the woman cried out.
Turning her to face me, I held her firmly by her shoulders. “If you are a healer, then you know he is beyond saving.”
Her lips quivered. For a moment, I despised her for making this about her, even if it was not her intention to do so. She did not know Kaius was my father. So few did. My eyes flashed beyond her to where the King lay in complete stillness. Dead. Again, my heart caught.
“Let me go.” The woman writhed.
Hardening my expression, I released her shoulders and, before she had the chance to withdraw, took her by the wrists. She flinched.
“You need to leave,” I told her again, sharper this time, wiping her red-stained hands on my uniform. It only smeared the blood.
Swallowing, I forced emotion down. Amid the death of a King and the loss of a father I never got the chance to truly know, it was the safety of the elusive woman that took the forefront of my attention. The King’s death could not be pinned on her.
Setting her with a firm look, I released my hold on her and bent to retrieve her dagger from where it lay beside Kaius’s body. As I did, the intricate design of the hilt embedded in his chest caught my attention. The sinking in my stomach intensified. It was mine.
“Lift your skirts,” I bit out, turning back to the woman.
“I will not,” she gasped.
The urge to wrap a hand at her neck and command her obedience drew a snarl from my throat, but I restrained myself. “Lift your fucking skirts.”
Cowed, the woman finally nodded and worked at the layers of fabric.
I knelt before her and trailed my hand up her thigh, finding the scabbard strapped there.
The scent of her, of us, took me by surprise, my mind otherwise consumed.
Setting my jaw, I sheathed her weapon. “No one must know you’ve been here. ”
“What—”
“They will hang you.” I stood and retook her bloodied hands.
Her small figure trembled, the first sign of fright she’d shown.
Releasing a sigh, I went to the desk, my strides long, and retrieved a bottle of liquor.
If I were being framed for this, someone would be sent to catch me here, in the act.
Heart thundering, my thoughts went to my brother, to Harlan.
This was not about me; I could be jailed for the death of someone much less important.
This was treason and, very possibly, a play for the crown.
But by whom? And if I’d been chosen purposely to take the blame, was someone trying to get me out of the way?
Someone who knew who Harlan was to me, who the King was to me?
With the liquor, I wet the corner of a blanket that was hung over a chaise and used it to remove the stain of death from the woman’s hands. At least her skirts were not tainted.
“There is a maze of passageways within the castle,” I said, my words rushing out without thought.
“The route we traveled is only one.” The tower from which we entered the passageway, however, would likely be overrun with soldiers at this point.
Agitation hardened my jaw, and the monster within me roiled as I fought for control, making it even harder to focus.
“I’m scared.” She sounded so meek.
My calm returned, and I tossed the soiled blanket aside, cupping her face and resting my forehead against hers. For a moment, we drew comfort from each other, two strangers brought together first by desire and then by the hand of disaster.
“Find your courage. It is within you,” I said, my voice soft.
“There is a lattice along the castle wall, within reach of the balcony. It will not hold much weight, but it is the only option. Leave the courtyard immediately, before attention is drawn to what has happened here. Walk out casually. Do not show any sign of suspicion.”
Footsteps sounded from the hallway leading to the main door of the study. There was no more time. With trembling hands, I worked the silver ties at the back of the woman’s head. “Nothing to draw attention,” I reiterated, and the mask fell between us to the floor.
Our eyes held, and an aching I’d never felt before consumed me.
“Go,” I said, swallowing the knot in my throat.
The steps stopped outside the door, accompanied by the voice of a boy, one of the messengers: “The cry came from the study.”
The woman’s hands fell from my own, and then her back was to me as she ran to the balcony, holding her skirts up as she fled. When she was hidden from view, my eyes fell to Kaius. A trembling shudder coursed through my body, and I bit back the sting of tears as the door opened.
Rion stepped in first, the shock on his face convincing. But was it honest? I could not say for sure. Calix’s eyes widened, and he stepped back into Rion’s shadow.
“Neirin.” Rion’s tone was level as he moved toward me. It was a technique I learned from him to subdue a dangerous threat with calm, rather than rash violence, whenever possible.
I retreated a step but the backs of my legs hit the chaise. No one could be trusted, certainly not Rion, so I held my tongue.
“Father?”
No, Harlan.
He stepped into the room, and his gaze fell to the body of the fallen King.
Every instinct told me to defend my case.
However, doing so could pose further danger toHarlan, should Rion be to blame for this.
With only the three of us in the room—aside from the messenger boy whose word, or very life, should it come to it, was unimportant enough to be noted—the situation could get messy much too quickly if Rion believed that Harlan was aware of his treason.
It was better to leave Harlan in ignorance for the time being, though I hated the conclusion he would come to when I fled.
If Rion were at the head of this, he would keep Harlan on his side for some time, until another opportunity arose.
The commander was not a man to rush. He was a strategist. He would play the long game.
He was clever enough to see that the death of both the King and the prince at once would be too much for the kingdom.
Beyond that, Harlan was his only alibi for Kaius’s murder.
“That is the dagger of a guard,” Rion stated. “Turn.”
Releasing a breath, I turned, revealing my back and the empty scabbard there.
I’m so sorry, Harlan. I will make this right. But the only way to do that was to run. To flee like a coward. It went against my training, against my every belief, but the need to protect my brother, even at the cost of my own shame, prevailed.
Without turning back to see the hurt and betrayal in my brother’s eyes, I fled through the corridor. The air in my lungs burned as my feet pounded the hard ground, not from the short burst of speed but from the choking in my throat, as I pressed down my emotions.
I passed the unlit sconce and nearly slid at the corner just beyond. Behind me, Rion’s voice boomed out as he called for soldiers.
Heart thundering, blood pounding in my ears, I took to the shadows, regaining speed.
Lost to the moment, I forgot about the fallen soldiers. When my boot landed too high, and ribs cracked beneath my foot, I fell forward. The stench of foul breath rushed my senses as I braced myself just above the second soldier. A shudder shook my body, and I stood, rasping.
Bracing myself against the wall, I placed a palm to my chest. Breathing became difficult, but I pushed off the wall regardless, forcing my legs to move even as they burned with the foretelling of a shift. Not here. Not now. I had to get to the woods.
Shouts came from ahead, and the zing of drawn swords.
Soldiers, possibly guards as well, in the tower.
Stopping, I brought my hand to the pommel of my sword.
The faint light from the tower illuminated the side of one of the men’s faces—Cyan.
He spoke to the soldiers, his voice raised, commanding silence and order.
I stepped back, keeping to the darkness.
Raising a hand above my head, I felt for a ceiling but didn’t find one.
I drew a steadying breath and braced a hand on one side of the hallway, the stone cold and rough beneath my palms. Gritting my teeth to hold off the monster inside of me, I positioned a boot on the opposite wall and found a grip, then repeated with my other foot.
Cyan stepped from the tower. Sweat beaded on my brow and dampened the back of my neck as I strained my muscles and scaled the space, walking up the corridor walls with feet on one side and hands on the opposite, until my shoulder blades pressed against the ceiling, my head craned to the side.
Closing my eyes, I focused my attention on each of my feet. The left cramped terribly, and the right was at an uncomfortable angle. To adjust myself, though, I risked falling, so I breathed through the sensations.
I counted four men along with Cyan as they entered the corridor.
Each passed under me, unaware. My body trembled with the strain of my position and the press of my monster’s urgency.
It wasn’t until the steps faded that I let myself descend, each movement sending a shot of pain through my right ankle. Twisted, likely.
Exhaustion and the urge to surrender to it weighed each step as I continued into the endless darkness. I needed to escape, needed to get word to Harlan of the treachery somehow. I brushed wetness from my cheeks, unsure if it was due to the sweat that dripped from my brow or from silent tears.
The scent of dirt washed over me as the corridor opened up to the castle’s old storerooms. Somewhere above me, Nyana worked in the kitchen, oblivious for the time being. Though dizziness hazed my movements.
Swallowing, I pushed on until I reached the ladder that led up to the woods.
I climbed, the pain in my ankle no longer notable over the searing heat that burned within me.
The bones in my fingers stiffened, and I snarled.
With my last moments of control, I pushed at the hatch, forcing it open, even as the pressure shattered the bones of two of my fingers, fragile as they fought to reform, reshape.
Shuddering, I dragged myself over the edge, raking at leaves and dirt.
Unbridled fear choked out everything leaving the impending shift to exist. An inhuman sound escaped my lips. A cry, a keen. The monster within took control. The heat within became all-consuming, and in the next desperate breath, my ribs snapped, putting pointed pressure on my lungs.
We all have monsters. I’m not afraid of yours. If the masked woman knew of my monster, saw me in this state, would she remain true to her words? No. She’d fear me or hate me—the only logical reactions to flee … or to fight.
My skull fractured, shattered, elongated. The ringing in my ears was deafening.
Flesh tore and reformed, and my body took on a new shape.
I tried to stand, but the fit of my boots was all wrong, and I stumbled forward, falling on my face.
The partially remodeled bones, weakened, shattered again at the impact.
Pain flared as my body tried to put itself back together.
I cried out, the sound a yelp, not wholly my own.
The leather of my uniform consumed me, drawing memories of the dark cellar of my youth, and of my cage, too small to even turn around in.
My breath quickened to a pant. And then with suddenness, the pain stopped and the fire within my muscles ebbed. I needed to free myself from the dark confines that constricted me, but I couldn’t move.
My body was his now.