Chapter 31
Chapter Thirty-One
CILLIAN
T he ceiling trembles with every heavy footstep on the floor above our heads. Logan is searching the apartment, and it won’t be long before he finds us.
Finds me.
Maya looks at me like she just watched me kick a puppy down a flight of stairs. The devastation in her expression is a strange contrast to the stupefied look in her eyes, gone almost completely black from blown pupils. She sits in a little pool of slick that soaks into the blanket around under her thighs, looking both dazed and confused.
She raises a shaking hand to point at the now covered scar on my inner thigh. “Is that what I think it is?”
I would love to deny it. If this unexpected heat cycle had left me with more than two brain cells to rub together, then I might have been able to come up with a believable explanation.
But the truth will out, just like I always knew it would.
“I know a claiming mark when I see one,” she insists. “Where is your Alpha? ”
I turn away, unable to meet her gaze. My fingers resist the urge to touch my mark of shame, the soft fabric of my soft pants still somehow too rough where it rubs against the mark.
The bond it represents has been broken for a long time, seemingly fractured beyond repair. Just enough to keep us loyal to each other, no matter how much it also makes us both miserable. Most of the time, it’s easy to pretend that the mark doesn’t even exist because the connection between us has faded so completely.
We don’t have the mental link that we should. With a fully formed bond, he would have known I was going into heat almost as soon as I did. But letting Maya wrap her lips around my cock must have triggered something. The pleasure I felt so great that it could cross over our bond and wake him from his drunken stupor.
Logan’s footsteps pound overhead, his Alpha growl vibrating through the still locked door.
Maya’s eyes widen, fear radiating from her in waves that alters her scent. That cherry and champagne sweetness, with the salt tang of fear, is more alluring than it’s ever been, especially now that it’s mixed with my own. Damn her.
“Cillian?” Maya’s voice cuts through my spiraling thoughts. “Answer me. Who is it?”
She knows. Of course, she knows. She just wants to hear me say it, justify the accusation and betrayal I see in her dazed eyes.
I’d thought I could scare Maya long before we ever got to this point. Keep our secrets. Maintain the tragic status quo .
Another crash from above. Closer this time, practically right outside the door.
But maybe it’s better this way. The lies were a heavy burden to carry. If the truth kills me, at least I’ll finally be put out of my misery.
I make myself look at her, gaze lingering on the pretty heat flush on her cheeks. She really is lovely, the exact type of Omega meant to stand at Logan’s side as his queen.
The metal doorknob turns, followed by a male sound of frustration.
“It would take days for him to break through that door,” I tell her, because that small bit of reassurance will make up for the truth that I refuse to put into words. “Our heat will be over before he thinks to go down to the armory and put together something explosive.”
The terrible joke doesn’t land. She sucks her cheeks in, which makes her look a bit like a livid chipmunk, and takes a deep breath with the clear intention of shouting at me.
Logan throws himself bodily against the door, making the hinges rattle. Maya lets out a surprised shriek before slapping both hands over her mouth.
She scrambles back in a crab walk, tripping over the edge of my nest in her haste to press herself against the wall.
I wince in reaction as Logan continues to take out his rage on the door, banging and scratching on the metal in a way that reverberates through the space. The door holds as well as I hoped it would.
“We’ll be safe in here,” I whisper, not sure if I’m reassuring her or myself. “He can’t get in.”
The banging stops, sudden silence somehow more ominous than the sounds of his rage.
“Omega,” Logan croons, his voice darker and more hypnotic than anything I’ve ever heard before. “Let me in, Omega. Let me tend you.”
The entreaty in his voice cuts through me like a blade. My body responds instantly, helpless need flaring through my veins despite years of practiced resistance. I’ve spent so long pretending to be a beta that sometimes I forget how deeply my Omega biology has wired me to respond to him.
Logan scratches lightly at the door, a visceral reminder of how that same movement would feel on my bare skin. “You don’t have to do this on your own.”
A hand slips into mine. It feels so good just to be touched, a sensation I didn’t know I’d been missing so acutely until now.
I look at Maya to see a whirlpool of conflicting emotions in her eyes.
Anger and fear, I expect.
The empathy takes me by surprise.
She looks at me as if she understands, as if the horror of this broken and impossible bond doesn’t disgust her like it should. Like it would anyone else.
“You rejected him?” she asks, nodding when she sees the answer in my stricken gaze. “You need to remind yourself why. It will make it easier to resist him.”
But that memory is a contradiction, made up of both the best and worst things that ever happened to me. Just the thought of taking that walk down memory lane is enough to set me shaking.
Logan senses my weakening.
His tone turns cajoling, with no hint of the rage that I know simmers just under the surface. He might just kill us both while speaking in that same measured tone. “You need me. You need your Alpha.”
I desperately wish that I thought his words were a lie.
My hands grip Maya’s shoulders, only loosening my grip when she noticeably winces. “You have to distract me.”
When her lips touch mine, I expect desperation — the frantic need of two Omegas trying to distract themselves from the Alpha they both crave. But Maya surprises me.
Her kiss is gentle, almost reverent. Her lips press against mine with a tenderness I haven’t experienced in years, maybe ever. There’s no demand in it, no expectation. Just comfort freely given when I need it most.
Something cracks inside me. A wall I built long ago to protect myself from feeling anything at all.
My eyes burn with unexpected tears. I can’t remember the last time someone touched me with kindness rather than out of obligation or duty. The sweetness of her gesture cuts deeper than any cruelty ever could.
Logan pounds on the door again, but the sound seems farther away now. Maya’s fingers thread through my hair, her touch anchoring me to this moment, to her.
When she pulls back, a tear escapes down my cheek. I don’t try to hide it. I’m too far gone to maintain any pretense of strength.
It isn’t her fault that this can’t be enough.
“Cillian,” Logan growls, putting the full force of his voice behind it when he speaks my name for the first time. “ Open this door !”
There can’t be light without darkness, one is meaningless without the other.
My sweaty palms slip as I press them against the cool concrete wall and my knees threaten to buckle as I rise to my feet. Heat pulses through me in agonizing waves. The room spins slightly, my carefully maintained control slipping away like water through cupped hands.
Maya follows me, wobbling on her feet like a newborn foal. “Cillian, stop. Don’t let him control you.”
I’m drawn to the door like a moth to a flame. With heat bewitching my senses, the Alpha command in Logan’s voice overrides my better judgment. Every cell in my body screams to obey, to unlock the door and fall to my knees before him. It’s been years since I’ve allowed myself to feel this pull so strongly.
“Don’t,” Maya pleads, grabbing my arm. Her touch grounds me momentarily, the scent of her heat mingling with mine in a way that clouds Logan’s influence. “You know what he’ll do.”
I do know. That’s the problem.
We get halfway up the stairs with Maya putting her full weight into an attempt to halt my progress. We might both be Omegas, but my strength is no match for hers.
“Cillian,” Logan’s voice drops to a whisper that somehow cuts through the metal door. “I can smell you both. Your scents together...it’s driving me insane.”
I close my eyes, forcing myself to remember why I’ve spent years fighting this bond. Some resolve settles over me, enough to halt my forward progress up the stairs.
Logan’s fist pounds against the door one last time before silence falls. I can feel his presence on the other side, waiting, calculating.
Then he says the one thingguaranteed to get his way.
“I need you,” he groans. “It hurts to be without you. ”
I easily bat away Maya’s desperate attempts to stop me, holding her off with one hand while the other undoes each of the dozen locks, one by one.
When the door swings open, she tries to scramble back down the stairs. But I grab her arm, holding fast.
Alpha won’t like it if we try to run.