Chapter 5
Chapter Five
CILLIAN
I lie still, staring at the ceiling as I listen to Maya’s deep breathing.
Snoring, actually. I’ve never heard sounds this loud coming out of someone so small before. Adorable, but loud enough to peel the paint off the walls.
I might be bothered if I stood a chance of falling back asleep, but I’ve been wide awake since she cracked open my door and that isn’t likely to change.
Maya had fallen asleep practically within minutes of her head hitting the pillow. She had started out as far from me on the narrow bed as possible without falling off the edge, but has restlessly shifted closer.
Now, her head is like a weight at the center of my chest, and the rest of her body drapes across mine like I’m her personal body pillow.
Even Logan knows better than to violate the small amount of space I’ve claimed for my own.
It’s always been my sanctuary, the one place I could retreat from my duties, from Logan’s demands, from the constant pressure of publicly being the faithful beta attendant to a spoiled prince, and secretly his bonded Omega.
No one has ever slept with me in this bed before.
I should hate it.
Maya somehow shifts even closer to me, throwing one leg over both my thighs as one hand grips my arm. Her long hair has not been tied up for sleep and seems to be everywhere at once. Strands of it catch in my mouth and tickle my nostrils, so I have to fight off an urge to sneeze.
My hand hovers over the top of her head. I wonder if her hair is as soft as it looks. Deciding not to think too deeply about the impulse, I lower my fingers, brushing against the silky strands. She sighs in her sleep, nuzzling closer.
“You’d be horrified if you knew what you were doing right now,” I murmur, allowing myself the smallest smile. “Cuddling up to the enemy.”
But are we enemies? We’re both victims of Logan’s selfishness, both trapped by bonds we never chose. The thought should comfort me, this common ground, but instead it twists something painful in my chest.
I trace the curve of her shoulder with my eyes, noting how perfectly she fits against me. Her body is soft where mine is hard, curved where mine is angular. The contrast is nicer than I expected it to be. Her bandaged hand rests against my ribs, another reminder of just how much we share.
Desperation is something I understand. I’ve lived with it for years.
A floorboard creaks on the other side of the door.
Speak of the devil.
My body tenses instantly, every sense on high alert. Years of training kick in before conscious thought can form. Logan is awake and about thirty seconds from tearing the apartment apart in search of the Omega currently using me like an oversized stuffy.
The thought of him waking her up suddenly seems completely unacceptable.
I slide out from under Maya with practiced stealth, careful not to disturb her. She makes a small sound of protest as I ease her onto the pillow, her fingers briefly clenching before I gently pry them off. I tuck the blanket around her shoulders, waiting
Several more creaks of the floorboards. Footsteps so hard that they’re audible even on the carpet.
I move to the door in three silent steps, slipping through and pulling it closed behind me before Logan can reach for the handle. His golden eyes narrow in the dim light of his bedroom, taking in my rumpled clothes, my alert stance.
“Where is she?” His voice is rough with sleep, but demand vibrates beneath the words.
“Sleeping,” I say, keeping my voice neutral.
“In your room?” His jaw tightens. “Why?”
I shrug in response. “She was already asleep beside me before I thought to ask.”
“She belongs in my bed.”
I step forward, blocking his path to the door. “She needs rest, Logan. Real rest. Leave her alone for now.”
“Since when do you decide what my Omega needs?”
“Our Omega,” I remind him, the words strange on my tongue. The look of annoyance on his face is a sweet counterpoint to the sour taste in my mouth. “And I’m not deciding anything. I’m stating facts.”
Logan’s eyes flash dangerously, even as a wide smile stretches across his face. “I’m glad to see you so concerned for her welfare. I suppose we can work out the details of sleeping arrangements later.”
I return his smile with a neutral one of my own. The last thing I want is to spend another night sharing a twin-size bed with a sleep clingy woman, but the thought of keeping Logan from having something he wants. “As always, your wish is my command.”
Logan steps closer, his tall frame crowding me against the door. His scent fills my nostrils, making my heart race in a way I’ve spent years trying to suppress.
“You know,” he says, voice dropping to that silky timbre he uses when he wants something. “My bed is more than big enough for all three of us.”
His golden eyes glitter in the dim light, predatory and possessive. One hand comes up to rest against the door beside my head, caging me without actually touching me. A familiar dance we’ve performed countless times.
“Is that what you want?” I ask, fighting to keep my voice steady. “Both your toys sat up on the same shelf?”
Logan’s smile widens, revealing perfect white teeth.
“Don’t be crude, Cillian. I’m merely suggesting a practical solution.
” His free hand reaches up, fingers brushing against my jaw with feather-light pressure.
“Besides, I’ve seen how you look at her.
Don’t pretend you’re not curious of how it would feel to have her without all your senses intact.
For both of us to have her and each other. ”
I hate how my body responds to his touch, how even after all these years, all the pain and manipulation, I still lean into his hand like a starving animal being fed by hand.
The bond between us pulses with his satisfaction. I can feel exactly how pleased he is with this situation. The culmination of a well-laid plan that, from his perspective, has worked out perfectly.
“You’re getting everything you wanted, aren’t you?” I say quietly. “An Omega bride for the public, and me still faithful at your side. The perfect arrangement.”
Logan’s thumb traces my lower lip, and I fight not to shiver. “Not everything I want. Not yet, at least.”
Logan leans closer, his breath warm against my lips. This close, the scent of him is almost too much. Overwhelming my senses like an aerosolized drug. I recognize that look in his eyes, the hunger that hasn’t been directed at me in months.
He’s going to kiss me.
My heart hammers against my ribs as my mind spirals into panic.
Before this catastrophic heat, we hadn’t so much as touched since the early days after he claimed me, that last heat before I learned how to dose suppressants with obsessive specificity.
Since everything changed between us and then changed again into something so much worse.
The memory crashes through me with sickening clarity.
Ander’s hands pinning me down. The terror of being discovered as an Omega after years of successful deception.
The sound of my clothes tearing. My desperate pleas falling on deaf ears as the crown prince laughed as he threatened to reveal my secret unless I serviced him well enough.
Not that he intended to give me a choice.
Then Logan appearing in the doorway, his face transforming from shock to murderous rage in an instant. The sickening crunch as he slammed Ander’s head against the stone floor. Again and again. Until the crown prince of Melilla lay still in a spreading pool of crimson.
Logan turning to me, his golden eyes wild with something primal. It would have been stupid of me to run, even if I’d felt any impulse to do it at the time.
“Mine,” he’d growled, before sinking his teeth into my neck.
The irony of the situation has never been lost on me.
Before that fateful night, I had lived in constant fear of discovery.
An unbonded male Omega is prey to any Alpha who discovers the truth.
I’d survived by learning to hide and becoming indispensable in a place powerful enough to afford me some protection.
I rose in the ranks of palace guard by training harder and pushing myself further than any sane man would.
Before that night with Ander, I felt entirely secure in my position at the palace, while recognizing I would never be truly safe.
Once I became Logan’s bonded Omega, I’d never been safer. He has already proven that he would kill to protect me
But I’ve never felt less secure.
Logan saved me from one nightmare only to trap me in another. His secret Omega. His hidden mate. The dirty little secret he keeps locked away while he paraded potential brides before the kingdom.
Culminating in the one who may actually become queen.
Maya.
Logan’s lips are a breath away from mine as my mind returns to the present. I can feel the pull of our bond, urging me to surrender, to accept whatever scraps of affection he deigns to offer.
At least a small part of me really wants to just give in.
I jerk my head back, narrowly avoiding Logan’s lips. His expression shifts instantly from desire to annoyance, golden eyes narrowing.
“I need to confirm your schedule for the day,” I say, ducking under his arm and stepping away. “Morning guard inspections have been moved an hour earlier, which interferes with your appointment with the palace communications director at ten. If you’ll excuse me.”
“Cillian,” Logan’s voice softens, becoming the gentle coaxing tone he uses when he wants something badly enough to pretend at kindness. “Just wait a minute.”
My hand freezes on the doorknob. The command washes over me and I feel that inexorable pull to obey. The bond between us pulses with his desire, his frustration, his absolute certainty that I’ll give in. Because I always do eventually.
But the bond with him isn’t my only one.
Now that she’s asleep, Maya’s ability to maintain a metaphysical wall between us is weakened.
It’s almost as if I can sink into her. I imagine myself sinking into a still pool, deeper and deeper, until my entire being is submerged and Logan becomes something distant and hazy.
His mouth moves. He speaks. But I can’t make out the words that sound like they’re coming to me from deep underwater.
I speak without turning back to look at him. If I do, it might not be possible for me to walk away again. “I’ll have everything confirmed before breakfast.”
I don’t wait for his response before slipping out the door.
In the hallway, I lean against the wall, letting out a shaky breath.
Triumph is a dull sensation, tempered by awareness that Logan will find a way to make me pay for resisting him.
My heart pounds against my ribs like it’s trying to escape my chest. I press the heels of my hands against my eyes, willing my body to calm down.
I know exactly what he’s doing. I’ve had years to study Logan’s tactics, to recognize the patterns of manipulation. I rejected him once and he withheld any trace of affection for months, barely affording me even common courtesy.
Now that he needs me, now that he thinks I’ve been firmly put in my place, the real war has begun. He will campaign for affection with the single-minded focus of a seasoned general on the battlefield.
Logan is a prince on an unstable throne, accustomed to both having whatever he wants and ruthlessly defending it against any potential challenge.
He obsesses. He covets. He holds onto the things he desires and refuses to ever let them go.
But none of that is the same as love.
The worst part is knowing all of this doesn’t stop my traitorous body from responding. Doesn’t stop the ache in my chest when he looks at me with those golden eyes. Doesn’t stop the way my skin burns for his touch.
Pathetic. So pathetic.
I push away from the wall and start walking, no destination in mind except away. Away from Logan, away from Maya, away from the tangled mess our lives have become.