Epilogue
I Have Nothing
Spencer
When a restaurant first opens, they hold a test run a week or two prior to the grand opening to iron out all the kinks. That night is commonly known as Friends and Family Night, something I find both comical and apropos to find myself a part of.
Not that long ago, I was a lone wolf in a suit. With the exception of making sure Tyler had a clear path to a better life—and occasionally allowing Jen to invade my bubble—it's been just me. And it worked. My career thrived, my physical needs were met, and my heart was safe from any kind of risk.
When you're left alone in this world, for whatever reason, you tend to build walls and defenses to keep out anyone that could hurt you.
The problem with that? It also keeps out the good people.
The people that would never intentionally hurt you.
The people that will fight your battles with you.
They're the ones that are there when things are good, but their presence is even stronger when things are not.
Do I regret the years I spent being independent to an extreme? Not for a second. My journey is the one I was supposed to take. I was always supposed to land here. Not just in Ryan's arms, but with THRIVE. Helping Tyler chase his aspirations.
I've landed smack dab in the middle of a ragtag group of people with strong personalities, oversized hearts, and absolutely, positively zero boundaries when it comes to showing up for the people they love. They haven't just invaded my life. They've surrounded me. Planted me right at the core.
The thing about it is... I fit.
For the first time in my life, I fit.
I'll never stop thanking Ryan for seeing right through my bullshit.
For never once wavering. He didn't run away.
He didn't back down. He just kept crashing through every wall I put up until he got through.
And then all these incredible people stepped through the rubble left in his wake and surrounded the two of us with love, acceptance, and fierce loyalty.
So yes, Friends and Family Night is damn fitting.
Right now, I'm standing in the open kitchen of Butter, looking out into the dining room, and my heart feels like it could explode. A few tables are filled with kids and young adults from THRIVE.
Lexi and Beau are holding court with several of Ryan's former teammates near the front windows. They've all been incredibly supportive of Ryan over the last six months. Well. All except one douche canoe. Every team has a defective unit.
At a table near the center of the room sits the agency crew.
Chance occupies one seat while Meg and several of our coworkers fill out the rest. The two empty chairs we'd been saving were claimed a few minutes ago by Betti and Bette—the last two remaining Bettys.
Ryan thought it would be hilarious to seat them on either side of Chance.
He wasn't wrong. Chance hasn't stopped laughing since they sat down. Betti keeps squeezing his biceps and Bette keeps pinching his cheeks. He looks like he’s loving every second of it.
Everyone else is working tonight. Parker and Dita are playing host at the front entrance, greeting guests and escorting them to tables.
Or at least that's the plan. Every time I look up, Parker has somehow wandered back to the football players' table.
He, of course, keeps popping suckers in his mouth.
I'm fairly certain one of Ryan's former teammates is questioning his entire sexual orientation after watching Parker twirl the candy on his tongue.
Ryan's sisters are handling front-of-house management.
Given their event-planning background, they're running the dining room with terrifying efficiency. Shortly after Ryan and I made things official, they decided to stay in Phoenix. They’ve moved their entire business here.
Ryan owns the penthouse free and clear, so he told them to just move in and take care of the place.
Meanwhile, Jen, Anthony, and Tyler are serving tonight. Watching Tyler weave confidently through the dining room carrying trays makes my chest ache in the best possible way.
Ryan insisted Tyler design all the uniforms. He gave him complete creative control.
The front-of-house uniforms are all black with sharp lines, subtle embellishments, and impeccable style.
The kitchen uniforms are a little more whimsical.
Traditional chef coats with custom embroidery that mimics the measurement markers on the wrapper on a stick of butter.
It's clever. It's ridiculous. It's perfect.
Knowing that Ryan will always include Tyler does things to my heart. I think including people comes as naturally to him as breathing.
The restaurant itself is exactly what he envisioned.
Warm. Inviting. Alive. Soft buttery-colored fabrics balance rich wood finishes.
Elegant light fixtures cast a golden glow across the room.
Framed photographs line the walls. A few showcase moments from Ryan's football career.
Championship wins. Team celebrations. Career milestones.
But most of the photographs aren't about football at all.
Most are about us. Birthday dinners. Game nights.
THRIVE events. Holiday parties. Cookouts.
The family we've built together hangs on every wall.
Proof that this place was never really about food. It was always about people. About creating a space where everyone belongs. A place where they can pull up a chair, stay awhile, and know they're welcome.
And standing here now, looking out at all of it, I can't help but think Ryan accomplished exactly that.
The food may be finer dining, but the vibe is all comfort and family.
In fact, that's the crux of Ryan's menu: upscale comfort food.
Meatloaf on a trendy downtown restaurant's menu?
Wrap individual servings in candied bacon, add a raspberry balsamic reduction and a sweet potato haystack, and suddenly it's transformed into an experience.
When he was writing the menu, he told me he wanted the food to represent us. My dapper style melded with his warm-and-fuzzy personality. His description, not mine. I'm pretty sure he was just trying to get laid that night. Still, he nailed it.
OnlyPans took off like wildfire and Ryan used the platform as a test kitchen for his menu.
It also generated huge buzz around the restaurant.
Sports Illustrated interviewed him on his coming out mishap and the restaurant.
They even put him on the cover wearing only an apron and a chef’s hat, shot from the side, with the curve of his naked ass on display.
The headline? FOOD PORN. I may have bought a few dozen copies.
“Perfect?”
Ryan's voice beside me snaps me out of my musings. “Yeah. Hi. What do you need?”
He laughs warmly and says, “Nothing. Where did you go there?”
I turn to face him—and fucking hell—my dick will never not twitch when I see him in that chef coat and hat. “Nowhere. Just thinking,” I tell him.
“Yeah? About?”
I motion toward the dining room. “About how over the past six months all those people have become family for me and Tyler.”
Ryan runs a knuckle down my tie and hums softly. “Hm. I think that’s your fault for making people fall in love with you, Counselor. You’re culpable.”
“Ooh. Did you learn a new word?”
“Ooh. Insulting the jock’s intelligence. How original,” he fires back and there’s no stopping the smile that takes over my face.
Ryan leans down and presses a long kiss to my lips. Not heated, but not chaste either.
“Get a room!” Tyler shouts from the back of the kitchen.
We laugh against each other's mouths and when we break, Tyler is barreling past us with a tray held up high on his way out to drop salads.
“He gets it from you,” Ryan teases.
Just for that, I slide my hand under his waist apron and slide my hand over his cock. His eyes flare and he says, “Don't start something you can't finish, Perfect. I will take you into the wine cellar and have my way with you.”
I shrug, lean in and lower my voice, “Maybe you should keep your naughty bartender after hours.”
Ryan bites his lip and says, “Promise?”
“I promise, baby.” Then I give him one more kiss, turn him around, spank his glorious ass, and push him back to his kitchen crew.
After dinner, Ryan personally delivers the dessert to each table.
I help him with the trays, and we stop at the table with The Bettys first. Ryan grabs two plates and sets one of front of Betti and another in front of Bette.
When they realize what it is, they both look at him with wet eyes and my heart squeezes.
Ryan hands them the official dessert menu for Butter. At the top, enclosed in a spotlight box: BETTY’S FAMOUS POLISH COFFEE CAKE. I will not soon forget the look on their faces.
When all the guests have a slice of cake in front of them, Ryan pulls an empty chair out from one of the tables.
I watch him hop up on it. Then Cricket hands him a glass of champagne.
Meanwhile, Tyler and Parker are dropping glasses of bubbly at every table.
I forgot he mentioned wanting to do a toast.
Tyler hands me a glass just as Ryan clears his throat and gently taps a spoon against his glass to get everyone’s attention.
“Friends and family,” he begins. “I want to thank you all for being here tonight to celebrate this special occasion. It’s been quite the journey to get to this point.
We owe a lot of people in the room for helping us along the way.
From gentle nudges to outright shoves… your love, support, and influence have been monumental to this story. ”
Ryan’s face splits into one of the many smiles I love on him. “Now, you may think this restaurant and the cuisine you dined on tonight are the story I’m referring to. They are not.”
He turns and looks directly at me.
A lump forms in my throat.
“No. This is a love story. A story about two paths that crossed many years ago for a fleeting moment. Two paths that crashed back into each other a decade later… like it was meant to be.” He waggles his brows and everyone chuckles.
I roll my eyes, but the smile on my face betrays their meaning.
“You all thought you were here to celebrate the opening of Butter. I regret to inform you… you’ve been duped,” he says.
The room quiets as everyone looks around, confused. Ryan meets my gaze and stares right into my soul. I shift on my feet, feeling the heat of the spotlight. “You were always meant to be mine,” he says, softly, then he jumps off the chair, landing right in front of me.
I swallow over the lump in my throat.
Ryan drops to one knee.
Several gasps come out of the people closest to us, but the blood rushing in my ears makes it impossible to discern voices. Ryan holds out his hand, palm up, and Tyler startles, saying, “Oh, yeah. That’s my cue.” There’s laughter as he scurries over and sets a flat black box in Ryan’s palm.
“Spencer Stark.” He sighs. “Spence. Spencester. Spency.”
More laughs from the room of onlookers. All I can do is stare at the man I love on his knees below me. For me.
“I love you more than I knew was possible. Our paths were destined to collide. Those paths… they are now one. And there’s no one else I’d rather walk to the end of it with.”
A tear slips down my cheek.
“What do you say? Will you marry me, Perfect?”
He opens the box, and it’s…
All the oxygen sweeps out of my lungs.
I point at the box. “That’s…”
Ryan nods. “My aunt’s brooch. Cricket and I tracked it down. We thought you should have it.” He swallows his nerves. “But I’ll get you a real ring for the wedding. If you say yes, that is.”
I look up and find Cricket. She gives me a tender smile while wiping her eyes.
Ryan clears his throat. “Uh, Spence. Killing me here.”
A wet laugh escapes me. “Yes.”
“Yeah?”
“Yes,” I confirm, loudly. “I’m gonna marry the fuck outta you.”
His face morphs into my number one favorite smile. “Hell yeah, you are!” Ryan jumps to his feet, grabs me by the back of my head and kisses me deeper than he ever has.
The room erupts in cheers, glasses clanking, and applause. But all I can hear is the beat of my heart against his.
I can’t believe they tracked down Iris’s brooch. I loved it from the moment I saw it on her jacket back in that shelter. It represented who and where I wanted to be. Little did I know how much meaning it held.
This is what it’s all about, I’ve realized. These moments. That old adage about people not remembering everything you’ve said or done—but they will remember how you made them feel? I finally understand its meaning and why the people we claim as ours are so important.
For most of my life, I convinced myself I didn't need people.
That needing people only led to disappointment.
That keeping everyone at arm's length was safer.
Easier. But standing here now, surrounded by this loud, chaotic collection of humans, I realize how wrong I was.
Because this room is full of people who would do anything for one another.
People who would do anything for me. More importantly, people who would do anything for Ryan and Tyler.
The two people I love most in the world.
The thought settles warmly in my chest. And with it comes something I never expected to find.
Peace.
I forgive my father. I forgive my mother. I forgive Travis. And maybe most importantly—I forgive myself. For every mistake. Every fear. Every year spent believing I wasn't worthy of being loved. The weight I've carried for so long finally feels gone.
Everyone has gathered around us now, admiring the brooch.
I watch Ryan throw his head back laughing at something Anthony says.
The sight of him catches me exactly the same way it always has.
Like a punch directly to the heart. The boy with the kind eyes.
The man I somehow found twice. The man who refused to give up on me.
The man who relentlessly worked his way beneath my skin and all the way down into my marrow. And that's where he'll stay.
My love for Ryan Buterbaugh isn't temporary.
It isn't passing. It isn't surface deep.
It's permanent. It’s foundational.
It’s woven into every part of who I am.
My love for him is bone deep.