Chapter 18 – — Librarian’s Note, Unsigned #3
“Doing little things like closing a door or getting help stitching up a wound isn’t a big deal, but the more you pull, the more it drains you physically.
Healing a major wound, fighting off infection, working to keep someone alive who’s dying...
” He shakes his head. “That’s like running for miles without stopping. Your body pays the price.”
“What kind of price?”
“Exhaustion first, the kind that goes bone deep, then tremors. Nosebleeds. Headaches. Collapse. Hallucinations. Your body shuts down, forcing you to stop.”
“And what if you don’t stop? What if you keep pushing?”
He meets my eyes. “You can do permanent damage, like burn out your ability to channel current entirely. Some healers have pushed so hard they’ve damaged their organs, their minds. Some have died.”
The fire crackles, and I lean forward to rest my chin on my hand as I listen.
“That’s why Veilguards are so respected,” I say quietly. “It’s not just a skill. It can also be a sacrifice. How am I supposed to make it as a Veilguard if I can’t use current?” I look over at Poppy as she repositions into a ball.
“Veilguards don’t rely on current. Sure, it’s an added bonus, but they must have skill and knowledge for medicine and surgeries.
Current helps, but it doesn’t make the Veilguard what they are, and they don’t always use it.
” He touches my chin so I turn to look at him again.
“You are the most talented healer I know. You can do this, Mae. You just need to get out of your head.”
It’s not the first time he’s said it to me. I give him a small smile. If only I knew how to get out of my head.
“Have you ever let the very real possibility sink in that maybe you’re not entirely human?”
I have considered it after what Professor Nestor said. And the Mirror Ceremony. But I feel human.
“I tried looking for a record of my father attending here, but there’s nothing. So I don’t know what else to do.” I push my hair out of my face. “Maybe the school was wrong about me. Maybe the mirror made a mistake giving me Poppy.”
Jace shakes his head. “What if you’re human now but the mirror saw your future?”
“Why would that matter?”
“What if…and I know this is crazy, but what if something happens and you’re turned?”
I go still.
I remember my reflection in the mirror. How my eyes were amber with red bleeding into them at first. How it didn’t look like me.
What if I’m destined to become a vampire?
“I can’t even think about something like that happening right now.” I shake my head, pushing the image of those amber eyes away. “Tell me about fissure sites. Why is the current different there?”
I change the subject, but the way my eyes looked in that mirror lingers in the back of my mind.
“Yeah, it’s corrupted.” He notices Flick flying over to him and disappearing beneath his wing. “The current that bleeds through fissures is twisted like the creatures it spits out. If you try to pull from it, it can poison you, getting into your blood. It’s why fissure wounds are so hard to heal.”
I sit up straighter, remembering I need to get some books to help me learn more about ways to help Nella.
“I understand that, but why is it corrupted?”
“It’s only hypothesized. I don’t think anyone knows for certain.” He tilts his head. “You know how we covered the bloodlines with Professor Cane? Where they originated? The angels and demons?”
I think back to her classes. “Yeah, angels originated from the Upper Veil above Valen and demons from the Lower Veil below.”
“Well, what leaks out of the fissures is from far below the Lower Veil.”
I can’t even comprehend what that is or what it must be like down there. What kind of place creates creatures like crawlers and riftlings? What kind of darkness births something so depraved that even its energy poisons everything it touches?
“We’ll cover more about the fissures and current in class soon. They’ll want us to be ready for midterms.” He stretches his arms above his head.
I almost forgot about that. I still have a couple months before I need to stress about midterms.
“Have you heard anything about what the tests will be like? I keep meaning to ask Lux about her dad’s…”
Jace’s face pales.
“What?” I press.
“I know Professor Cane will have a written test. Professor Nestor usually makes everyone dissect something. But Bale...his will take place off campus.”
“What do you mean? Where?”
“You know how he was saying he’s getting us ready to experience what a real fissure is like? I’m pretty sure our midterm will have something to do with that.”
I’m partly excited and terrified to think about leaving campus, possibly seeing a fissure up close for the first time in my life.
“Do you know where or what we’d have to do?”
“There are rumors that apparently we get paired up and sent to an active site. Small fissures, nothing too dangerous. But still...”
“Still what?”
“People have died during midterms before, Mae.” His blue eyes meet mine. “People die trying to become Veilguards all the time. Notice how few blood and breath years there are compared to us.”
I remember Elizabeth telling me we’d lose about half the bone year students by the end of the year.
“Yeah, some students fail. Others drop out.”
“Yeah.” He holds my gaze. “And some die.”