Chapter 20 – —Headmaster Ashmoor, Ashwell Academy Handbook #2
His hands find my waist, and he lifts me onto the exam table. The metal is cold through my clothes. He pushes my hair off my shoulder, and his fingers are not gentle.
I close my eyes.
This isn’t about wanting him. I do not want him. I want the part of myself that has been screaming since Nella died to be quiet for one second. Malric is the door I am willing to walk through to find that silence. That is all he is.
His mouth finds the curve of my neck. I feel his tongue first, then the sharp press of fangs.
The bite is a bright flare of pain, sharp and sudden and so intense my vision whites out.
Then a strange tugging warmth as he drinks from me.
My fingers go numb. My ears fill with a rushing sound, and the grief, the guilt, the image of Nella’s eyes going empty, all of it blurs at the edges.
I cannot think. I can only feel my body emptying.
It’s exactly what I came for.
My fingers go cold. He’s taking too much. Some distant part of my brain knows that. But I don’t tell him to stop. I want to keep disappearing.
His mouth pulls away from my neck with a wet sound. The cold air hits the puncture wounds, and I gasp.
When I open my eyes, his lips are stained red. My blood. He’s looking at me differently now.
“You taste—” He frowns. “Huh.”
I don’t know what that means. I don’t care.
Before I can sit up, his hands slide down my hips, gripping. His mouth finds my throat again, and this time he isn’t biting. He’s kissing. His teeth drag along the wet smear of blood at my collarbone, and his hand pushes my shirt off my shoulder.
“Now for the part where you thank me properly, Red.”
The fog clears.
I see what’s happening. I see what I almost let happen. His hand on my hip. His mouth on my throat. The way he is leaning his weight into me to press me back against the table. I shove against his chest, and when he doesn’t move, I shove harder.
“Get off me.”
“Don’t be like that.” His mouth doesn’t leave my neck. “You asked for this.”
“I asked for the bite. That’s all.”
“Red—”
I shove him with everything I have. He stumbles back a step, more from surprise than force, and I drop down off the table on shaking legs. My hand goes up to my throat. It comes away wet.
“I said the bite. Nothing else.”
He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. The smile is still there, but the edges have gone hard and I notice he managed to untie the front of his pants.
“You don’t get to invite me in and change your mind.”
“I didn’t invite you to anything else.”
He lets out a slow breath, eyes raking down my body once, then up. “Suit yourself. You’re welcome, by the way.”
He starts to turn away, and that’s when I hear it.
The door.
“Mae?”
My blood turns to ice. It’s Jace.
I spin so fast my vision blurs. He’s standing in the doorway, his blue eyes already on me, already on the blood at my neck, the smear of it on my collarbone, my shirt pulled half off my shoulder.
Then his gaze flicks to Malric, who is standing too close to me, his lips still stained with my blood, his shirt rumpled where I shoved at it… .and is fucking pants are untied.
Jace doesn’t move.
“Jace.” My voice cracks. “Jace, it’s not—”
“Don’t.”
“He just bit me. That’s all. I swear to gods, that’s all—”
Malric makes a low sound that might be a laugh.
“Sure it is, Red.”
Jace’s eyes snap to him.
Malric shrugs. “She was a mess, angel. I helped. Nothing she didn’t ask for.”
“Malric, shut up—”
“You’re disgusting.” It’s the closest I’ve ever heard Jace come to a yell, but it’s quiet. Too quiet. “Both of you.”
“Jace, please.” I take a step toward him. “He’s lying. He only bit me. Nothing else happened. I stopped him.”
“I’m sure that’s what you’d say.”
“Because it’s true.”
He looks at me for one more second. I watch something die in his eyes. The softness, the trust. The way he’s always looked at me like I was something precious.
“You let him touch you, Mae.” His voice is flat. “I don’t need the rest of the details.”
He turns and walks away.
“Jace!” I scramble after him, my legs barely holding me, blood still wet down my neck. “Jace, wait—”
But he’s already gone. His footsteps echo down the corridor, and then there’s nothing.
Silence.
Behind me, Malric whistles low under his breath.
“That went badly.”
I turn on him, fists clenched. “Why did you say that? You know nothing happened.”
“I know.” His smile is slow and pleased. “But you let him think it did, didn’t you? You stood there looking guilty. I just helped him understand what he was already seeing.”
“You’re a monster.”
“And you’re the one who came to a monster looking for relief, Red. Don’t act surprised by what you found.”
He pushes past me and out the door, leaving me alone in the room.
I don’t remember sliding down the wall. I don’t remember the lamp going out. I don’t remember how long I sit there in the dark with my knees pulled to my chest and the puncture wounds in my neck slowly clotting and the sound of Jace’s footsteps replaying in my head.
I didn’t fuck Malric.
It doesn’t matter. Jace doesn’t believe me. And the worst part is, I can’t even blame him, because I did let Malric put his mouth on me. I did let a man I despise drink from my throat because I couldn’t bear my own grief for one more second.
I’m not innocent. I am only less guilty than he thinks.
Poppy finds me.
She squeezes through the crack in the door, chirps once, and scrambles across the cold stone. She climbs into my lap and presses her small body against my chest like she’s trying to hold me together.
I wrap my arms around her and bury my face in her fur.
She is the only thing I haven’t destroyed yet.
We sit there in the dark. Her heartbeat against mine. Her warmth, the only thing keeping me from disappearing completely.