Chapter 14 Out Of Control
Out Of Control
He shut the door behind us with magic, flicking his wrist to direct a ribbon of black and gold light that left his fingers. The door slammed shut, probably harder than he intended, but then he had his hands on my shoulders, pulling my coat off and onto the floor.
As soon as he had it off, he yanked me up against him. His expression remained taut, focused, as he kicked off his shoes.
I barely managed a gasp and a squeak before his mouth was on mine.
Again, despite how much he threw at me in those few seconds, the kiss managed to surprise me more with the emotional intensity behind it, not the aggression.
He fell into it, nearly at the instant our mouths touched.
The kiss was sensual rather than harsh, and he let go of me with one hand to wrap his arm around me within seconds, crushing me up against his chest, but still with more relief than anything.
When I kissed him back, sliding a hand around his neck, he let out a low groan.
He picked me up and brought me to his bed, and laid me down with him, sliding a leg between mine.
Even then, it didn’t feel aggressive, or even particularly fast.
He seemed content just to kiss me for what felt like a really long time, and honestly, it was a relief for me, too, but I found myself growing anxious when we were still kissing, sometime later, and things hadn’t progressed beyond that.
I felt his chest hitching under my hands, his heart beating so that I could nearly hear it, but when I tried to unbutton his shirt, he caught my wrists and pinned me to the bed.
My magic wrapped into his, half-frantic now, and he groaned again, pressing his thigh harder between mine as his tongue and lips began working down my throat.
He adjusted his body and leaned his weight and I let out a moan.
“Bones,” I gasped, when he continued to pin my wrists. I wrapped my leg around his waist and he pressed against me, making my vision slant out. “Bones. Please.”
He raised his head, looking down at me, and that gold and green fire distorted his irises. He looked out of breath, glassy-eyed, and unbelievably beautiful.
“Please,” I managed to get out. “Please.”
He closed his eyes, longer than a blink, then adjusted his hold on me so that he gripped my wrists with one hand.
His rings felt cold on my skin, but maybe only because my skin felt like it was on fire.
His newly freed hand traveled down the inside of my leg, making me writhe.
He found the underside of my knee and tugged to get me to bend it, then to pull my foot up.
I didn’t fully understand what he wanted until he yanked off my first boot.
He took the sock off after it.
He shifted his weight further to the left, then repeated both things on the other side. His hand wrapped briefly around my bare foot, and another ripple of heat left his magic.
“I wasn’t actually looking for you to beg,” he said, leaning down to kiss my mouth lingeringly. He still had ahold of my foot. “I’m trying to slow myself down so I don’t act like a complete prick, like the last time.”
The last time?
My mind spun around that, then remembered the night of the costume dance, in that classroom off the west wing’s southern corridor.
The memory made my breath hitch, my heart jackknife sideways in my chest.
Was that really the last time we had sex?
It hit me just how little time we’d been together.
Why did it feel like so much longer in some ways?
He kissed my throat, then looked down at me with half-lidded eyes. “I know you said it was normal, being sore,” he murmured. “But I was rough with you. I know I was.”
“It’s fine,” I assured him, flushing.
His eyes gauged mine skeptically.
“It’s fine,” I repeated. “Gods, Bones. You’re being a sadist again.”
“Maybe that’s not wholly unintentional,” he muttered, sliding closer to me on the bed. He released my wrists finally, and I reached for his shirt. “Behave,” he warned me, meeting my gaze. “Ask first, Shadow. Or I’ll tie you up for real.”
I bit my lip, and he adjusted his weight on me again, making my heart pound harder.
“Can I take your shirt off?” I asked him.
“You have to answer a question first.” His fingers wrapped around my face and into my hair. He licked my lips then kissed me again, leaning his weight, and I arched up against him. “Do you really not remember what you did with Alaric in my bed?”
I froze, then stared up at him, half in disbelief. “That’s how you took what I said?”
“Is there another way I should have taken it?” he asked, colder.
“I was fully clothed, Bones. You saw me.” At the faint tick in his jaw, I gripped his hair in both of my hands.
“You. Are. Ridiculous,” I told him, at least half of me feeling genuine frustration.
“How many times do I have to tell you there’s absolutely nothing between me and Alaric? Nothing like that. Nothing at all.”
I kissed his mouth, and he fell into it again when I deepened the kiss, using my magic to pull on him lightly as I used my tongue. He let out a longing-filled groan that time, and leaned his weight, clenching his hand in my hair.
When I ended the kiss, I made my voice lower, and more serious.
“I’m sorry I fell asleep in your bed,” I said.
“I’m sorry we both got so ridiculously drunk on your alcohol.
You have every right to be annoyed we drank your liquor and tea and messed up your room and dirtied your sheets…
but it’s ludicrous to make it something sexual, Bones.
I’m not interested in him like that. And frankly, I’m not interested in anyone but you like that. ”
He pressed a very prominent erection against my thigh, without taking his eyes off mine.
“You’re saying pretty words now,” he murmured.
“True words, you mean,” I retorted.
“You know I had actual fucking wet dreams about you in the hospital?” he asked, staring between my eyes. “I came while I was asleep. I can’t remember the last time that happened. The nurses probably thought I was some kind of deviant.”
I flushed, rolling my eyes. “Would they be wrong?”
“I had trouble keeping my hands off you in front of your friends today,” he said. “So maybe not.” He ground against me, and I kissed his neck, making him gasp when I used my tongue. “I only didn’t touch you because I worried I wouldn’t be able to stop.”
“You seem to be having no trouble stopping now,” I complained.
He let out a low chuckle, then kissed me again.
I realized I could feel him holding back, and it made my frustration worse, even as I realized maybe I shouldn’t be pushing him. He was injured. Hell, he’d nearly died. I should slow down, or at least let him pick the pace.
I was also still obsessing on the fact that we’d only spent a few days together before he got injured, and why it both felt like that and didn’t feel like that at all.
I don’t know if he heard what I was thinking, but he rolled off me altogether.
I bit my lip, suppressing that compulsive, urgent, clinging thing in my magic that screamed when he got off me. I was staring up at his ceiling, fighting to slow my heart rate, and to unclench my body and hands, when he slid closer to me again on the mattress.
“Can I ask you for something?” he said.
I nodded, still looking up at his ceiling. I tried not to react to the absence of emotion in his words, or how much he’d pulled his magic back from mine.
“Yes,” I said.
“I need to give you my magic or I’m going to fucking lose it,” he said, still speaking in that calm, emotionless voice.
“I want it badly enough that I can’t make up my mind how I want it.
I just know I don’t trust myself right now, and I don’t want to do anything that’s going to hurt you, anger you, or screw up my ability to fuck you later. ”
He kissed my neck, then put his mouth back by my ear.
“I really want my cock in you,” he breathed.
I flinched and felt my neck and face flush hot. When he didn’t say any more, but kept his lips by my ear, I swallowed and fought to nod.
“Okay,” I said.
His voice grew lulling, coaxing.
“I want you to decide where I should put it,” he said softly. “Can you do that for me, sweetheart?”
I sat up, and he pulled away slightly, looking up at me.
Looking down at him, with his blond hair longer than it had been, and now mussed from my fingers, his eyes liquid with that green and gold fire, his skin flushed, I didn’t have to think for very long.
I reached for his belt, and began unbuckling it clumsily with my fingers.
He barely moved except to pull his hands and arms out of the way, breathing harder as he watched me. I felt his magic rippling around me, making it difficult to breathe.
I knew we needed to talk about that.
Right then, I didn’t care about the whys of it, or what it meant.
I got his belt undone, and the front of his trousers and he let out a groan I felt through the ends of my fingers. He was breathing harder, sweating, and one hand gripped my hair.
“Fuck.” He let out another groan. “Are you going to go down on me, beautiful witch?”
“I was thinking about it,” I admitted. It occurred to me we hadn’t done that yet, not with me doing it to him at least, and a flicker of nerves hit me. I looked up, trying to gauge his eyes past the molten metal glow they were emitting. “Is that all right?”
He nodded at once, closing his eyes. “Yes. Fuck. Yes.”
I hesitated. Doubt hit me suddenly, when I remembered just how often and how many people had done this to him already.
I’d only really tried it––was it two? Three times?
“Not the same.” He sat up abruptly, and slid his long fingers into my hair. He kissed my mouth then murmured against it. “It won’t be the same. I promise you.”
“That may not be a good thing,” I murmured back.