Four
Paisley
5 months later
I fell asleep on the couch again waiting for Travis, and woke up with a throbbing headache - a reminder of another nightmare. This one guest-starring both Rubi and her father.
I groaned, getting up and glancing at the last cupcake I’d bought earlier in the day. Despite my indifference, I dug around for a candle.
Sure, it was my birthday, but the day had lost its charm for me four years ago, when my best friend disappeared. Glancing at the clock, I realized it was still early.
Summer birthdays sucked. Friends always had the perfect excuse not to come, blaming it on their fancy vacations, so year after year, less people showed up until I finally gave up on celebrating.
But my twenty-second was the worst one yet. Somehow, worse than the year I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me. A piece of information I’d kept buried under layers of lies for years, like a coward.
Sure, Hawkes forced me to stay in place for a year. But he didn’t prevent me from telling Travis I knew exactly what his extracurricular activities were.
Facing the truth meant losing control, and I was finally getting good at keeping it.
I blew out the single candle stuck into the last store bought cupcake I was going to save for breakfast, licking the sweet vanilla buttercream frosting off my fingers. Even on those years I had no money and no one to celebrate the occasion with, I insisted on cake for my birthday. Everyone deserved a treat once a year. Even me.
Groaning at the taste of cheap vanilla, I took another big bite.
Travis never got my obsession with that perfect bite of birthday cake. It seemed he indulged my habit out of pity. Of course, Travis had no idea what it felt like to have a birthday without a cake. He had two lovely, older, painfully normal parents who loved to spoil their precious only son.
And he’d never lost anyone in his life.
I put my hair up with a claw clip, heart pounding. On my birthday, it was always especially hard to escape thoughts of Rubi.
My best friend, my foster care sister, went missing four years ago today.
The doorbell rang, and my eyebrows rose as I rushed to the front of the open plan apartment.
I glanced at the clock again - just after nine p.m. Nobody would come over this late, and Travis obviously had his own key.
I opened the door, quickly wishing I’d put the safety chain on beforehand.
The character on the doorstep was a little taller than me but bulkier, muscular and covered in ink. He had thick, black hair, gelled within an inch of its life, and piercing blue eyes. Even though he wasn’t exactly towering over me, I was instantly intimidated.
In his hands, he was holding a cattle prod.
Before I could slam the door shut, his black leather, metal capped boot blocked the way, and my eyes shot up to him. He was wearing all black, and I noticed tattoos stretching out from under his sleeves.
“Can I help you?” I demanded, hands twitching to slam the door. If only he would have moved his boot. “Who are you looking for?”
It sure as hell wasn’t me - I’d never seen the guy before. But I had seen a cattle prod, and I knew what it was capable of.
He didn’t answer me, instead forcing his way into the apartment and wrapping his tattooed knuckles in my hair. I screamed as he slammed the back of my head against the wallpapered wall, feeling my skin break and blood dribble out of the cut. I saw stars as I slid to the hardwood floor, my vision dancing as the stranger smirked at my twisted form on the wood.
“Tell that boyfriend of yours he needs to pay the fuck up,” the stranger spat. “Or we’ll take what’s owed ourselves.”
I wanted nothing more than to force myself to stand up, spit in his face and make him taste my fist, but my vision was still blurry and my head pounded with a confusing headache. My gaze focused on the cattle prod, I forced myself to stay quiet. I groaned, wiping away blood as I pulled myself up from the floor.
“You have the wrong apartment,” I hissed as the guy smirked at me, muttering some bullshit about me being a dumb bitch. He slammed the front door so hard on his way out, plaster cracked in the corner.
I groaned again, bracing against the wall to steady myself. Whiplash made me feel like I was hitting my head again and again, my own blood decorating the floorboards beneath me.
Whatever the hell that was about, it was clearly a mistake.
Travis didn’t owe anyone money, and neither did I.
We were so proud of being debt free, and worked hard to keep it that way.
He’d be outraged when I told him, I said to myself. He’d find the guy and make him pay for my bleeding head. Travis wouldn’t let anybody hurt me. He’d kill them.
And if Travis wouldn’t…
I knew Hawkes Rizzo would.
My fingers shook as I found my phone buried amid the cushions. I peeled off my phone cover, retrieving Hawkes’ business card from the back. I could barely see in front of me as I typed out the text.
Can you come see me?
The reply was almost instant, and I blinked away tears of relief.
I’m away in Europe. Do I need to book a jet now?
It can wait until you’re back.
I’ll be there in around eight hours.
Shakily, I put the phone down. He’d come. I was so relieved.
When Travis returned home, I was holding a bag of frozen peas to the back of my head, where a cut was oozing blood from my head cracking on the wall.
I hadn’t figured out a way to let Hawkes know what happened. He said he’d be close by, but in a year, I hadn’t seen him once.
Often, I struggled with my promise to stay with Travis.
As the days passed, I hated him more and more.
I wasn’t sure I needed stitches. I tried to get a look in the mirror, but all I saw was my own dark hair, matted with blood. I was still too dizzy to get in the shower to wash off properly, so I resorted to the couch, careful not to drip blood all over the fabric.
Travis dropped his briefcase in the hallway and called out my name. When he came through the door of the living room, he had a six-pack of beers in his hands.
“What happened to you?” He raised his eyebrows when he saw me on the couch. “You okay?”
“Hi,” I managed. “All good. Just a bit dizzy still. Had a nasty fall.”
Walking closer, he pressed a finger to the back of my head and groaned when he saw blood. “Silly girl.”
Laughing uncomfortably, I readjusted the frozen peas and pointed at the beers. “Celebrating?”
“Yeah,” he grinned, momentarily distracted as he explained he got a promotion which would have him working from home a lot more. I was excited to spend more time with him.
With both of us working such long hours, I looked forward to more time together at home.
After I congratulated him, my boyfriend cracked a beer open, kicked his feet up on the coffee table and offered me a sip. I shook my head.
“Did you slip or something?” Travis finally asked.
I almost told him.
But my pounding heart told me to lie.
“Yeah…”
“Were you drinking?”
“ What ?” I balked. “No, of course not.”
“Just kidding. He’d already forgotten about my injury, leaning back on the couch, his arm firmly around me. “Move the peas outta the way, babe. They’re cold as hail.”
I couldn’t believe he’d dismissed my cut so easily, and I couldn’t deal with the fact that I’d lied to him, either. As Travis relaxed on the couch, my mind raced.
Why did I lie?
It would’ve been so easy to tell him the truth. He wasn’t worried now, but he would have taken me to a hospital to get treated if I asked him to, right ? Travis would be grumpy for days, but at least I’d get stitches. I still wasn’t sure I needed them.
Maybe I didn’t tell him because I wanted an excuse to ask Hawkes for help.
I put the bag of peas on the coffee table, ignoring the water pooling beneath them. My head was pounding, and Travis’s hand was already so far up my skirt, I knew I’d have trouble stopping him from getting what he wanted later.
For the past year, I’d avoided sex as much as I could. The feeling of emptiness after was too much.
“I think I’m going to bed early,” I muttered. “Sorry. Want to go to dinner tomorrow to celebrate your promotion?”
“Really?” Travis pouted. “I thought I could give you your birthday present before bed.”
So he did remember…
“I’d love to celebrate with you. Tomorrow,” I said. “I can book a table at Trattoria?”
“We’ll see,” he muttered, eyes going back to the TV. He got a new beer, discarding the empty can on the floor. There was no other mention of my present or my birthday, and even though I didn’t care that much, my stomach roiled.
“Sure you don’t want to have a drink with me?” Travis offered again.
Shaking my head, I glanced at him. His button-up shirt was untucked. Travis was always fit, and he still looked handsome as ever. Even though he disappointed me, he was a good boyfriend.
As long as I closed one eye.
I forced myself to remember Hawkes’ rules. Now that I was asking him for help, I had to follow them to a T, didn’t I? And since he was coming to visit me, I needed some good news to give him.
Unsure if I was fueled by the nightmare about Rubi, or my stupid birthday, I turned back.
“Okay, one little drink,” I smiled hesitantly.
Travis grinned and patted the couch. I got myself a bottle of white wine and sat down next to him, pouring myself a generous glass. If I was going to get through this, I needed some liquid courage.
“So… My birthday always makes me think of Rubi,” I said softly. “Do you ever think about her?”
Travis changed the channel on the TV. “Nah.”
“Really? Never?”
“Why would I, babe?” He glanced at me. “She was your friend, not mine. She’s inconsequential to me.”
“What does that mean?” I demanded.
He sighed. “Well, inconsequential means she doesn’t matter-”
“I know what it means,” I replied icily. “But you really don’t care? She’s been gone a long time.”
“Just another kid,” he shrugged.
“Lost to the system,” I whispered to myself, finishing for him.
I needed to be smarter about this. Hawkes thought Travis knew something. I needed a way to get information out of him.
Deep down, I already knew what I had to do. Travis loved physical touch, but ever since I found out about his cheating, I was really repulsed by him. I could barely take the sex. I’d managed to get it down to twice a month or so - any less and he complained.
I ran my fingers down Travis’ chest and he looked at me with surprise. Forcing a smile on my lips, I sweetly said, “What about Elias, does he remember Rubi?”
“Elias?” He knitted his brows together. “He’s just my poker buddy.”
“But he was our classmate too,” I insisted. “He remembers Rubi, right? He used to have such a crush on her.”
“I don’t know, alright?” Travis asked, irritated as he switched off the TV. “I just wanted a quiet night tonight. Do you really have to bother me with the past all the time?”
“Sorry,” I muttered, flushing. I needed to be more careful.
“Get it into that pretty little head of yours,” he said, with a patronizing tone. “Your friend is dead, okay?”
I couldn’t believe what was coming out of his mouth. I was about to speak up when Travis picked up my wine glass and handed it to me.
“Have some wine,” he said with a smile. “You’ll forget all about it.”
“I’m not in the mood anymore,” I muttered, picking myself up from the couch. “Sorry.”
“Seriously?” My boyfriend rolled his eyes. “You never want to have fun with me anymore. And then you ask why you never get invited to stuff. You’re boring as fuck.”
I told myself I wouldn’t let his opinion hurt me, but if I was honest with myself, it cut deep.
“You’ve been drinking at work again, haven’t you?” I asked, fussing with the hem of my skirt. “I could smell it on you when you walked in.”
“Jesus Christ, relax,” Travis hissed, retreating as if I’d burned him. “You know we have meetings at bars, Paisley. It’s not a big deal. It’s how men do business.”
“Sure,” I muttered, disappointed again.
“You should get your head checked,” Travis called out after me. “There’s still blood in the hallway.”
He picked himself up and carried the half-empty six-pack to the kitchen bar. Our apartment was open plan, so I stared at him as he opened another can, glancing at my abandoned birthday candle on the counter.
I expected him to pull out a present, maybe take me up on the offer to book a table at our favorite restaurant. He didn’t.
His eyes avoided me as he made his way out of the room. “Going for a walk. Happy birthday, Paisley.”
The door slammed shut after him, and I exhaled a breath of relief. At least he was gone.
I lived for those moments of solitude in the apartment.
It was the only opportunity to be myself.
I waited for ages for Travis to come back home. By the time the front door opened, I kept dozing off on the couch again. But before I did, I made a plan.
Through the years, I discovered booze made Travis McCormack slip up. I only hoped he would come home half-drunk… Then I could get some information from him. Maybe about Elias, or about the club we went to that night when Rubi disappeared.
I could tell he was drunk because he kept missing the lock. Finally, I opened the door for him. I was sure he expected me to look pissed, but he was surprised to find me standing there with a smile.
“Missed you,” I purred as he stepped in, helping him take his jacket off.
“Huh?” He managed to slur that, I wasn’t sure how.
Forcing myself not to show my repulsion, I led him to the living room and placed an ice-cold beer in front of him, even though I could already tell he was hammered.
“Travis, I’ve been wondering…” I started seductively as he cracked open his beer, ignoring that it was past two in the morning. “Could we have a little reunion? You, me, Elias… maybe some other people from school?”
“I don’t want you hanging around with those people,” he scoffed, taking a long swig from his can. “They’re all losers, anyway. You got the best one.”
“Sure,” I said, fighting off my sarcasm. “But still, maybe we could-”
“Shut you up?” he suggested, leaning in for a kiss.
Even though it did the opposite of turning me on, I leaned into his touch and pretended I liked it. When he pulled back, his gaze was even hungrier.
“Could you give me Elias’ number?” I asked. “Just to catch up…”
“God, you really aren’t letting this go?” he hissed suddenly, pushing me away from him as he stood up. “Elias isn’t my friend anymore.”
“How come?” I asked innocently. It was the first time I’d heard of this, but I tried to play dumb.
“Curiosity killed the cat, Paisley,” Travis seethed. “You should know that.”
He walked toward the bathroom while I panicked. Was Elias… dead?
Was I next?
Just what exactly was Travis implying?