Chapter 11 #4
“Leave Bones alone,” Apple said from where she clutched my shirt. She reminded me of that fierce little kitten I’d held in the barn, all adorably puffed up but ready to bite.
Trey looked down at her and smiled, a real genuine smile I hadn’t seen in weeks. “Well, hi.” He crouched, resting his long arms on his knees. “I’m Trey. Who are you?”
“I know who you are.” She tossed her hair back, and I had to fight the urge to smile. “I’m Apple, an’ I’m the one who helps Bones.”
Trey nodded, his face grave. “Oh, okay. I apologize, Miss Apple. I was wonderin’ if I could help Bones too.”
She frowned at him.
“I’m thinkin’, if I helped too, we could feed even more kids every night,” Trey continued.
Her eyes widened, and she glanced up at me. I kept my expression even, unsure of what to say. She squinted back at Trey.
“You gonna give up your ration too?” she asked.
I had to bite back a curse. Trey’s brow furrowed in confusion for a second before understanding crossed his face. He glanced sharply up at me. “You’re giving up your ration?”
I glared at him. “Where else am I gonna get food?”
“I dunno, I thought you were workin’ with—” He cut off abruptly, rubbing his eyes. “I thought you worked out a deal or something with Madame.” He stood up and stepped closer. “How much of your food are you giving up?”
Apple’s cold fingers dug into my side. I rested my hand on top of her head, trying to comfort her. “I don’t think that’s any of your business,” I said.
“Bones.” He rubbed his forehead in a jerky, frustrated motion. “Godsdamnit.”
Panic started to creep in. What if he tried to stop me? What if he told Madame?
“Bones?” Apple whispered.
I forced myself to calm down, turning my back on Trey and kneeling to face her. She looked scared and I hated it.
“I’m gonna go talk to Trey,” I said softly. “It’s gonna be okay. I’ll see you tomorrow, alright?”
She nodded, casting another worried glance up at Trey before disappearing into the darkness.
I took a breath and stood, turning to Trey. His eyes met mine, shining with warmth again, and I hated how they made me feel wobbly.
“I’m not gonna stop feeding them,” I said. “You can’t make me.”
“I know,” he said.
I blinked, surprised. I’d been expecting him to fight me on this.
He stared at my bare hands. “Where’s your mittens?”
I flushed. “I gave ’em to one of the kids.”
He held my eyes as he gently took my cold hand. “Let’s go back to the clinic where it’s warm.”
I paused, confused. “Okay.” Shouldn’t he still hate me?
He tugged me along with him in the direction of the clinic.
I knew if I yanked my hand back, he’d let go, but for some stupid reason, I didn’t.
Back in the clinic, I expected him to drop my hand, but if anything, he gripped it tighter.
He led me to the woodstove before he faced me, his gaze full of emotion.
“Bones, you don’t have to hide the soft parts of you. Not from me,” he murmured. “No matter what’s goin’ on between us, I will never use them to hurt you.”
I stared at him, rooted to the spot by those words. I didn’t understand how he knew the things that scared me without my saying it out loud. He stepped closer and caught my other hand, too.
“I was never gonna make you stop feeding them,” he said. “All I want is to make sure you don’t kill yourself trying to save everyone else.”
“I’m not gonna kill myself,” I scoffed weakly.
He brought my icy hands up to his lips, blowing warm breath onto my fingers. I knew I should pull away, but I couldn’t.
“You know what I think about almost every night?” he said.
I could’ve sworn he pressed his lips briefly to my knuckles, but I wasn’t sure. I thought I’d ripped out all the feelings I had for him, but I could sense them there again, tiny shoots uncurling and stretching upward.
“I think about your face when Lana pulled that gun on you. You looked relieved. You were gonna just sit there and let her kill you. An’ all I knew was that I couldn’t let that happen.”
My eyes burned, and I tried to get ahold of myself, but the words spilled out. “You should hate me.”
“Would you believe me if I said I tried?” That crooked smile ghosted across his lips.
“Trey—”
“Let me help you,” he interrupted. “You wanna be with Zip? That’s fine.
Be with Zip. But please, Bones. Please stop pushin’ me away.
I’m never gonna try to make you stop caring, okay?
It’s one of the most beautiful things about you.
” He smiled. “Even though you try so damn hard to act like you don’t care. ”
He let go of my hands and stepped back, leaving me chilled. I tried to think of something to say, but my brain had dropped clean out of my head.
“I’ll talk to Mac about the kids, okay? See if we can work out a way to get some extra food.”
“No,” I said sharply. “Let me talk to Madame. I’m sure I can work out a deal.”
He studied me for a moment, then nodded. “Alright. I’ll let you handle it. Anything else?”
“I want to let ’em sleep in the loft,” I blurted. “There’s plenty of room, and they’re so small, and it’s gettin’ so cold. I can—”
“Okay.”
I fell silent, staring at him.
“Okay,” he repeated. “I think that’s a great idea.”
“Okay,” I echoed. I hoped I didn’t look as off-balance as I felt.
“Have you been eating anything for dinner?”
I winced. “My broth.”
He shook his head at me, then smiled. “You dumbass.”
I tried to glare at him, but I wasn’t sure I managed it.
“Can we be friends?” he asked, holding out his hand.
I hesitated, but before I could find the strength to resist, I took it. His warm fingers curled around mine in a firm shake.
“Friends,” I whispered, and his face transformed into that sunshine smile.
Gods, I wasn’t sure I could hate Mac for dragging me here now that I knew why.
I remembered the tension between Mac and Trey on our journey back to the Vault.
I remembered Trey’s saying that if they’d known Juck’s secret weapon was a person, they wouldn’t have taken the job.
I doubted Mac would say the same if the alternative was Trey’s death.
I didn’t like the realization that Mac and I were more similar than I thought.
—
The next morning I went to see Madame. I’d never attempted to approach her without being summoned, so I wasn’t sure she’d see me, but when I spoke to the guards at the entrance of the watchtower, they beckoned me inside.
Madame sat at a desk in her office with a map in front of her.
She scanned me as I came in, her eyes as cold as always.
“What is it, Bones?”
“I want to use the orphans as my messengers,” I said, keeping my voice steady and respectful. “That way people can get messages to me or send for me if they need help, and I can send messages and medicine to people. It’s not fair of me to keep Mac’s crew tied up. They’ve got better things to do.”
She eyed me for a moment. “You give those kids anything and you’ll never see it again.”
“I thought of that. An’ I thought maybe if I could offer them shelter and food at the clinic, they’d be more willing to work for me.”
“You want to house and feed the orphans at the clinic?”
“I know your policy is that only working folks can get rations,” I said, choosing my words carefully. “I want to put them to work. I need the help, an’ they need the food and shelter. Everybody wins.”
She leaned forward, steepling her hands together. “Those kids become a vital part of our workforce once they’re big enough.”
I swallowed down the fury rising in my throat. She didn’t want to take care of the orphans, but she still expected them to work for her once they got older. “This could be a temporary thing,” I said. “They could work for me until they’re old enough to move on.”
In the silence, I held my breath. I didn’t have a backup plan, and I had no clue what to do if she said no. Finally, she nodded.
“I think your plan could work. But you’ll be responsible for them, you hear? They step out of line and it’s on your head.”
“Yes, ma’am,” I agreed, relief coursing through me.
“Tell Mac to find some supplies. I’ll tell the canteen you’re allowed to feed them.”
I walked outside and, despite the cold wind, I felt warm inside and out.