Chapter 12 #3
He set off to fulfill his tasks and I made my way to the bunkhouse.
I’d only been inside the place where Mac’s crew lived a few times, all visits in recent days to heal Raven, Sam, Jax, and Griz.
It wasn’t anything too special: a tidy, narrow cabin with a small living area and a little kitchen.
Two rows of bunk beds filled the largest room, where everyone slept.
When I came inside, kicking the snow from my boots, Jax popped out of the bedroom, wide-eyed.
“Oh good, Cloud found you. Mac’s real sick, Bones.”
He didn’t look too good himself. I’d only healed him last night and he was still pale.
“It’s okay, Jax.” I shrugged out of my coat. “You should lie down on the couch. I’ll go take care of Mac.”
“Okay.” He sounded relieved as he sank down.
I grabbed a blanket from the back of the couch and tucked it around him. He curled up on his side, his blond hair sticking up in every direction.
“Thanks, Bones,” he mumbled.
I had to resist the urge to smooth down his hair. He was the same age as Dune—
I bit the inside of my cheek hard and strode toward the bedroom. I could not go down that mental path right now.
Mac lay on his side on one of the lower bunks, shivering hard with his eyes closed. I perched on the side of the mattress, placing my hand on his forehead. He was burning up, even hotter than Trey had been. His eyes cracked open and he blinked at me in confusion.
“Bones?”
“It’s okay,” I said. He wasn’t wearing a shirt, so I pulled the blanket down enough to bare his muscular chest, noting the numerous scars on his skin. “I’m gonna heal you.”
He went quiet, but his eyes stayed open and he stared at me as I healed him. It was starting to hurt now, and I hoped Cloud had found Griz or Sam. I’d probably still be able to walk after this, but I’d need a horse for sure after the next—
Mac brushed his knuckles against my cheek, and I was startled out of my thoughts.
“What’s the matter?” I asked, worried by the pain in his eyes.
His hand dropped heavily back down to the bed. “M’sorry,” he mumbled.
“For what?”
“All of it.” His voice roughened. “I never shoulda dragged you into this.”
I hesitated, unsure if I should reveal what I’d learned from the kids, but that pain in his eyes made the decision for me. “You didn’t have a choice, Mac.”
“I always had a choice.” His eyes flicked to mine, fever-bright. “But I couldn’t let Trey die.”
“I know.”
“He’s my brother.” The words were bare, stripped of all his usual anger.
Guilt filled me. He wasn’t telling me anything I didn’t already know, but I also knew he was only saying these things because he wasn’t in his right mind.
“I know,” I repeated quietly.
He shook his head—a restless, agitated movement. “Doesn’t make it okay.”
I focused on my hands against the broad plane of his bare chest, heat radiating into my palms as his heart hammered too fast.
“M’not okay with it,” he said, sounding desperate again.
“I know,” I said, attempting to soothe him. “You told me, remember?”
“No.” His voice grew sharper. “M’not okay with what she makes you do.”
“Mac, I—”
“Promise me something,” he interrupted.
“What?”
“Don’t tell yourself this is fine.” His eyes blazed with a sudden fire. “It’s not.”
A well of emotion clogged my throat.
“I see it.” He lowered his voice, and a tremor went through me. “What it costs you.”
“Don’t,” I whispered desperately. I was trapped here until he was healed, and I couldn’t…I couldn’t do this right now.
I felt his gaze on my face, but he stayed silent. I tried to concentrate. That spot of sickness raged against my efforts, and healing him was sapping more of my strength than I’d anticipated.
Mac gripped my wrist and I startled. “You know you’re one of us, right?”
“I—”
“No.” He squeezed my wrist. “Listen. You’re part of my crew, my family. We take care of each other.”
“I know—”
“I’m not gonna let anybody hurt you again.” His voice was raspy and I couldn’t tell if it was from emotion or the fever. His intense eyes held mine.
I wanted to tell him not to say shit like that, not to make promises he couldn’t keep, but instead, I nodded. “Okay.”
That seemed to settle him and he relaxed.
I continued healing, and after a few minutes, he dozed off, his hand falling from my wrist. I let out a relieved breath, my head spinning, and not only from healing.
I wasn’t sure what to think of that entire conversation.
Thankfully, Mac stayed asleep, because it took almost an hour before that dark spot of illness began to shrink.
“Bones?” I heard Griz calling from the front room.
“Back here,” I answered.
He strode in, stopping at my shoulder. I glanced at Mac’s face to see that his eyes were open again and looking a lot clearer.
“How you feelin’?” Griz asked Mac.
“Been better,” Mac muttered.
“Feels like getting kicked by a horse, don’t it?” Griz said.
“You weren’t jokin’.” Mac closed his eyes again.
I finally managed to smother the sickness. I exhaled slowly and grabbed the bed to pull myself up. My legs trembled under my weight.
“You doing okay?” Griz asked, taking my elbow.
I let myself lean into him, and he wrapped his arm around me for support. “I can do a few more.”
“Bones?”
I stopped and looked down at Mac. His face was still pale, but to my relief, his eyes were sharp again.
“Thank you.” His voice was gruff but sincere.
I nodded, wondering if he recalled anything he’d said and half hoping he didn’t. “Get some rest.”