Chapter 16
Maybe the jacket, food, and water helped, or maybe exhaustion simply caught up to me, but I managed to get some real sleep.
I slept so deeply that I didn’t even hear Sax’s heavy footsteps approaching.
I jerked awake at the sound of the cell door creaking open and panicked at the sight of a large silhouette reaching down to yank me to my feet.
“Get movin’,” Sax growled.
I obeyed, my legs shaky after days of limited movement.
As we passed the cells, I glimpsed Mist’s pale face peering through the bars and felt a surge of relief and guilt.
We continued up to the meeting room on the second floor.
Mac waited outside the door, his face impassive.
He took my arm from Sax, who waved us into the meeting room.
Mac leaned down. “Don’t do anything stupid,” he muttered in my ear.
Anxiety pulsed in me, and I glanced at him once more as we came to a stop in front of the table. He stood like a soldier once again, with no sign of the man who’d held my hands and let me cry.
Madame sat at the table with Nemo and Zana, and armed men filled the room. I saw Madame take note of the jacket I wore before looking pointedly at Mac. He wore a different jacket, but she knew. I didn’t dare look at him.
“Well, Bones.” Madame looked irritated as she flicked her grey dreads over her shoulder. Her fingers drummed a chaotic beat on the table. She cut her eyes sideways to Nemo for a moment, something like disgust crossing her face. “Time to get back to work.”
I glanced at Nemo too. He wore a slight frown, a deep furrow wrinkling his forehead, but he didn’t react to the look she’d given him.
“The council seems to think the people have grown dependent on your healing,” Madame continued. “So you may return to the clinic to work, and the rest of your sentence will transfer to Mac.”
It took me a moment to register what she’d said. I looked up at Mac next to me, and then back at Madame, my heart pounding.
Madame raised a brow. “Mac was only allowed to add you to his crew so long as he was willing to take responsibility for your actions. Isn’t that right, Mac?”
My stomach clenched in horror.
“Yes, ma’am,” Mac said flatly. “I take full responsibility.”
“Good,” Madame said with a cruel smirk. “Ten lashes.”
“No!” I cried as her men stepped forward.
“Bones!” Mac jerked on my arm, but I ignored him.
“Mac didn’t do anything! It was all me! I take responsibility.”
“Bones, don’t—” Mac demanded, his grip tightening, but Madame held up a hand, silencing him.
She studied Mac with those ice-cold eyes, tapping her fingers on the table again.
“He can’t work for you if he’s injured. I can,” I added, and I could feel Mac’s fury like the heat of a fire.
“Madame—” Mac tried again.
“Another word out of you and there will be even worse consequences,” Madame said ruthlessly, silencing him once again.
When she turned to me, she smiled, and the hair rose on the back of my neck.
“Well, Bones, since you’re so desperate to take responsibility, I’ll let you have it.
You can take Mac’s lashes.” She turned to her men, waving a hand in our direction lazily. “See to it.”
Three of Madame’s men with guns drawn forced Mac to release me. Sax grabbed my arm and dragged me out the door. I met Mac’s frantic gaze and tried to mouth “I’ll be okay” before Sax yanked me down the hall.
I went with Sax willingly, my heart pounding.
I’d endured a hundred different tortures, but I’d never been whipped.
A crowd had already formed as Sax dragged me toward the whipping post. I searched the faces, hoping I wouldn’t see any of the kids or Mac’s crew, but I couldn’t focus for long.
Sax snapped at me to take my jacket off, and I obeyed, shivering in the cold wind.
One of the men secured my shaking hands to the chains at the top of the post. I stood there trying to keep the panic down and brace myself.
Then Sax grabbed the back of my shirt and ripped it open.
I gasped, trying to hold the scraps of fabric against my chest, more concerned about the brand than my bare body, but then the first bite of the whip hit my back with an echoing crack.
The blinding pain shocked me, but somehow I managed to keep my teeth clenched together.
Then the second lash came. My body arched in agony and a scream ripped out of me.
Again and again. Pain was all I knew. I sagged against the pole, sobbing.
I was dimly aware of blood sliding down my skin, splattering somewhere below.
Ten lashes had seemed like a small number, but it felt like an eternity.
When it finally stopped, I dangled from my hands, my legs unable to support my weight.
Through my blurred vision, I saw Madame’s smiling face.
She grasped my chin and her eyes flicked down to the brand on my chest.
“I see Juck left his mark on you,” she said. “Consider this mine.”
Madame released my face. I heard her saying something to the crowd, her voice loud and commanding, but I couldn’t make out the words. My vision went black around the edges and—
—
“Bones, c’mon, wake up. Please, Bones,” someone whispered, their voice ragged.
I cracked my eyes open and at the same time, red-hot pain sliced through me. I gasped and involuntary tears started rolling down my face.
“Mac!” Trey yelled.
“Bones, you gotta heal yourself again.” Mac’s flinty eyes filled my vision.
The words he spoke rolled around in my head like marbles as awareness came back to me. I lay on my stomach on the exam table, and my back was on fire.
“Bones!” Trey’s angry voice cut through the hurt, and I met his eyes.
I’d never seen him so angry. He grasped my hand, and the slight movement made me groan, my teeth clenched together.
“Heal yourself. Like you did before.”
Heal myself? I tried to focus. Images and sounds flickered through my mind. Sam’s grey face. The sound of the whip. Madame’s smile.
“Bones,” Trey said softly.
I felt his thumb brush the back of my hand.
“It’s okay. I’ll be okay.”
Sam. I focused on my memory of Sam’s sunken face. Fuck no. No. I would not fucking do that again.
“Bones, if you don’t heal yourself, we’re gonna have to give you a narc,” Trey pleaded.
I tensed and then attempted to bite back a scream. The slightest muscle movement felt like someone was pouring acid into an open wound on my back.
“I want to do it,” Trey said roughly. “Bones, let me do it.”
“No,” I whispered through my teeth.
“What if I do it?” Mac asked, an undercurrent of desperation running through his voice. “Bones, will you heal yourself through me?”
I didn’t answer, trying to breathe through the agony, but I kept choking in short gasps of air. Mac leaned down close enough that his grey irises were all I could see.
“Bones, let me heal you. You took my lashes, so let me do this,” he whispered, something like fear flashing through his eyes. “Please.”
I squeezed my eyes shut. “No,” I choked out.
A commotion broke out over my head, but the pain pulled my focus away again. My back spasmed and a cry of pain ripped out of me.
“Godsdamnit,” someone swore.
Pain pricked in my arm and horror surged through me. I tried to turn my head to look, but the familiar ice cold of the drug moved faster, spreading through my veins until everything faded away.
—
There you are.
Horror washed over me. I kept my eyes squeezed shut. No. This was a dream. It was only a nightmare.
I’ve been looking everywhere for you. Where are you?
It’s a dream. It’s a dream. Tears burned under my eyelids.
What’s wrong? I thought—His voice cut off, and I tried to brace myself.
Open your eyes.
I kept my eyes squeezed shut. In the silence, I could feel the emotion radiating from him, and I braced myself.
You used me. The words were sharp with hurt and betrayal.
I flinched at the touch of phantom hands cupping my face, their touch as icy as the narc.
You should know better than to play with fire. The words brushed against my skin like a caress. Open your eyes.
No. My voice trembled, but I said it.
I felt the first wave of anger emanating from him. Open your eyes.
No.
Is this how it’s gonna be? He sounded amused. You want to do this the hard way?
I sucked in a panicked breath through my nose and tried to will my mind to be empty and blank like a book with nothing inside.
He sighed in disappointment like I was a disobedient child, and I winced as his fingers tightened on my face. The hard way, then.
I tried to fight, but as always, he ripped his way inside my head like claws tearing through paper.
He reached in and grabbed, stealing memories from my grasp.
I felt him chuckle at my pathetic attempt to protect them right before he wrenched them free.
Images flashed behind my eyes as I tried to scream in pain.
The knife in Juck’s heart. The sneering faces of the mercs. The bullets spraying the roof. My bloodied hands pressing against Trey’s stomach. Mac’s eyes in the rearview mirror.
NO. I fought back, trying to snatch the images away.
It didn’t have to be this way. I heard the smile in his words.
Lana pointing the gun at my face. Madame’s calculating eyes. Hojo’s screams. My reflection in Clarity’s mirror as I touched the brand on my chest. Mac’s clipped words, “Madame would like to offer you a job here as healer for the Vault.”
The Vault. He sounded thoughtful. You got farther north than I thought.
I sobbed, terrified.
Did you really think I wouldn’t find you? His voice sharpened into something cruel. Did you think I would give up?
My body shook as I tried to keep my mind clear and blank, but Trey’s face floated through. I felt him pause. He seized the memory, gripping it in his claws as he examined it. I held my breath, my heart pounding as his rage grew like a thunderstorm.
Who is this? His voice was calm.
I tried to picture the endless desert, the sky blending into the sand.
Who is this?
I focused harder on the sand, panic building in my chest.