Chapter 16 #3
Griz and Raven crouched on opposite sides of my mattress and helped me sit up enough to start unwinding the bandage around my torso.
The dressing had to be changed twice a day.
The first time Griz did it, I about lost my shit.
If it’d been anyone else, I don’t know if I would’ve let them do it without an actual fight, but Griz remained patient and calm, explaining until I let him continue.
He kept his eyes averted from my chest and had me lie down on my stomach again as soon as he removed the bandage.
When he changed the dressing, I passed out from the pain, so I wasn’t uncomfortable for long.
Now, having done this routine half a dozen times, I’d gotten slightly used to sitting with my whole fucking chest exposed.
Slightly. Raven’s eyes dipped to the brand on my chest and my face burned, but she didn’t say anything.
Half the fucking hold had probably seen it along with most of my chest when I got whipped.
I didn’t care so much about my naked body.
A body was a body, and I’d seen many working as a healer.
But the brand on my chest wasn’t simply a scar.
It would forever be a mark of pain, humiliation, and shame.
“This is so fucked up,” Raven muttered as Griz showed her how to peel the old dressing off.
It hurt like hell, but I stayed conscious.
“To put it lightly,” Griz muttered back.
“You don’t have to—”
“Bones, shut the fuck up,” Raven interrupted. “You can’t do this by yourself so don’t even fucking go there.”
My teeth clicked as I snapped my jaw shut.
“It’s alright, Bones,” Griz murmured. “Raven’s mad at Madame, not you.”
Raven made an angry noise through her teeth that confused me further.
They finished, wrapped me back up, and helped me lie down. I started to drift off right away, completely spent. I heard them cleaning up by the sink, and I listened with my eyes closed, comforted by the familiar sounds.
“How’s Trey?” Raven whispered.
Griz sighed. “Wrecked.”
“Honestly, what the fuck else—”
“I know,” Griz interrupted. “Don’t wake her up.”
“I’ve half a mind to wake her up and make her explain,” Raven muttered.
“Raven,” Griz warned.
“I’m not gonna,” Raven snapped, “but I want to.”
They were quiet for a while.
“Did she tell him why?” Raven finally asked.
“She said it hurts her, but Trey said she looked terrified.”
“That doesn’t make any fuckin’ sense,” Raven grumbled.
“I dunno.” Griz sighed. “Let’s focus on gettin’ her back on her feet, okay?”
“Ten fuckin’ lashes,” Raven muttered, “on the one person she won’t heal. What a fuckin’ dumbass.”
“I hope they don’t get infected.” Griz sounded worried.
“That’s how Mac’s dad died, isn’t it?” Raven’s voice sounded soft.
“Yeah.”
“Fuck.”
—
“Trey’s been teaching the kids how to fight,” Raven said.
I glanced up from where I sat in the exam chair, sewing a tear in one of my shirts. It’d been over a week since I got whipped and I still couldn’t stand for long.
Raven looked amused at my expression. “He’s not training them to fight in the pit, just how to defend themselves.”
A little bit of the tension left my shoulders.
“Bones, am I doin’ this right?” Sky asked, worried.
I looked over at where she watched golden oil drip through a cloth into a small glass jar.
I had her straining my calendula flower oil infusion to make an ointment for dry skin.
The cold winter wind left people’s skin cracked this time of year, and I’d found a recipe for the salve in the old healer’s notebook.
“Pick up the cloth and squeeze the flowers real hard to get all the oil out,” I instructed, and watched as she did what I said. “Now do a couple more jars.”
“You know that weed patch right beside the clinic?” Raven asked, continuing when I hummed an affirming noise. “Trey said it used to be an herb garden for the clinic. He’s gonna try to fix it up for you this spring so you can grow your own herbs and shit.”
I kept my eyes on my sewing, hating the warmth that spread through me at the idea of having my own little garden. I had to remind myself that it didn’t matter; I wasn’t going to be here that long.
“Trey said it’ll be a good project for him and Jax,” Raven continued.
I had to fight the urge to roll my eyes at her.
She talked about Trey all the time. It wasn’t subtle, but then nothing about Raven was subtle.
Trey came by every few days, and I ignored him.
The hurt and sorrow in his eyes cut me straight to the bone, but I forced myself to endure it.
I would be leaving the first chance I could, no matter what.
I didn’t stop constantly replaying the beautiful things he’d said to me, though, even though they hurt as bad as my back.
“Okay,” Raven nearly shouted, startling me. “What the fuck happens to you when you get a narc?”
I winced. I’d been expecting this. She’d held it in longer than I would have guessed.
“I don’t want to talk about it, Raven,” I said evenly.
“Well, too bad,” she snapped. “This isn’t only about you. So start talkin’.”
I bent my head over my mending and stayed silent. I could feel her frustration building like a physical force.
“You wanna know what I think?”
“No,” I muttered, knowing she’d ignore me.
“I don’t think anything happens to you.”
I focused hard on my stitches.
“Did you want to break Trey’s heart, is that it?”
“Raven!” Sky whispered, wide-eyed.
“If you don’t want to be with him, fucking tell him that,” Raven continued. “Stop stringing him along and then dropping him whenever you feel like it.”
My eyes were burning, but I refused to let any tears fall.
“Trey’s a good person. Might be the best damn person I know, and he does not fuckin’ deserve this.”
That was true. Trey didn’t deserve this, and I would never forgive myself for what I’d done to him.
“Really?” She sounded furious. “You’re not gonna say anything? You’re such a selfish bitch!”
I heard her stride to the door and leave, slamming it hard enough to make the windows rattle.
The silence she left behind felt awkward as I struggled not to cry and Sky nervously continued straining the flowers.
Only about a minute passed before the door opened again.
I glanced up, bracing myself for Raven to yell some more, but instead, I met Mac’s grave face.
“Madame wants you.”