Chapter Six
Beth (18)
Two years later…
I’ve been with the Heathens for three years now, having nowhere else to go. And honestly, I don’t think there is anywhere else I’d rather be. They’re my family. Well, except Bones, but let’s not talk about him.
I take the black liner and drag it over my lids as I blend it out with my finger to give myself a smokey eye. Me and El are heading out to the club tonight and I can’t wait to have a few drinks and just chill the fuck out. This place is great but I’m more than ready to get away from Bones and all the girls constantly fawning over him as he flirts and fucks anything that moves.
“You ready?” El says as she peaks her head into the bathroom. She’s getting married to King in a few weeks, and I know she’s looking forward to this little girl’s night as much as I am. She loves King more than I’ve ever see anyone love anything, but I know this place is slowly eating away at her soul. That deep down she doesn’t want this life. She’s not like me… she’s better.
“Hell, yeah I am.” I wink at her from the reflection in the mirror and she chuckles. I straighten out the crop top that I didn’t bother wearing a bra under, allowing the fullness of my perky breasts to push against the tight fabric, my nipples poking through, before bending over and loosely lacing up my boots. I can’t keep the smile off my face at the thought of the look on Bones face when he sees me. He hates when I wear shit like this, but secretly I love it. My short-shorts barely covering my ass, showing off my leg and stomach tats. El, snorts, knowing exactly what I’m thinking before shaking her head.
“Why do you give him such shit? Just tell him.” She says she’s always pushing me to voice my feelings, but what she doesn’t understand is he won’t ever see me as anything more than an annoying lil’ sister, the “princess”. It would ruin everything if I told him I’ve had feelings for him since I was sixteen. We’ve become even closer over the years, and I’ve opened up to him a bit about my past and all the shit that’s happened to me. I’ve told him more than I’ve even told Elana, but I won’t tell him that.
I shake my head. “Yeahhh, no thanks.” I roll my eyes hard before I light up a cigarette, enjoying the tingle in my throat with the menthol flavor.
“So, you’re going to fuck some dude from the club tonight then?” She taunts, thinking I won’t have the guts to do it. Although I haven’t been with anyone since I’ve been free. Sex isn’t something I hold particularly dear to me. It’s not like I get emotionally attached or anything stupid like that. I doubt I could even connect the two, I just haven’t felt ready to do that again. I know things are different now, but sometimes I still find it hard to not connect the act with pain. The Pavlovian effect in full swing.
“Maybe.” I toss back over my shoulder as I head down the stairs to the bar, ready to do a lil’ pre-gaming.
“Liar.” I hear her mumble under her breath but don’t acknowledge it because she’s right.
“Four shots!” I shoot a wink to Jules who’s behind the bar tonight. She’s the one sweet-butt who I can actually stand to be within ten feet of. It might have somethin’ to do with the fact she doesn’t want Bones, but I’m choosing to believe it’s because she’s not a cunt.
Jules laughs as she lines up the glasses and quickly fills them with Jameson. El blows out a puff of air before she grabs the first shot. “Cheers.” She groans clinking the glass on the bar top before throwing it back.
“That’s the spirit!” I laugh as I mimic her with my two shots.
“Where the fuck you goin?” Bones growls out from behind me as I slide my glass back across the bar to Jules. I slowly turn around, a smirk plastered on my face, knowing he’s just stewing in his own anger at my attire.
“Out.” I casually take a drag from my cigarette that I pulled from the ashtray where I’d stashed it to do the shots. His eyes trail down from my face, stopping briefly on my hard nipples before dropping to my long legs. His jaw tightens and I can almost hear his teeth grinding from here. He’s so overprotective it’s ridiculous, even though he knows we have prospects that follow us like bodyguards. I just wish it was for reasons other than him being brotherly.
“Like fuck you are. Not dressed like that. You might as well be fuckin’ naked.” He runs his hands over his face like I exhaust him. And I just roll my eyes.
“I can wear whatever the fuck I want, Bones. You aren’t my daddy.” I snark before I blow him a dramatic kiss. “Don’t wait up!” I stomp toward the door, dragging El behind me before he can get another word out. I hear him growl out to the prospects to follow us and I can’t keep the satisfied smirk off my face as the door slams behind us. He may not have the same feelings for me that I have for him, but I love riling him up, like he used to do to me. Any reaction from him is better than nothing, even if it’s in a different way.
“Jesus Christ.” El blows out a breath. “You can cut the tension with a butter knife.” She tuts as she climbs up into the cage the guys let us borrow when we need to leave the compound. I have no clue what the fuck she’s talking about. I ignore her as we climb into the back with Jax in the passenger’s seat as Roni drives us to the club.
Once we get there, we make our way to the door, cutting past the long line waiting to get in. We don’t even get carded as the doorman takes one look at the prospects’ cuts.
“Welcome back ladies.” He smiles cheekily as he waves us past. Taking his time taking in every curvy inch of El. She’s a bombshell and even though she doesn’t seem to notice, it doesn’t get missed by the guys around us. The prospects cover close behind us, making sure we never get too far out of sight.
It takes us a few minutes to wind our way through the crowd and make it to the bar, the guys doing most of the work, acting as a plow. The guy’s order our drinks to make sure there’s no “funny business” as they put it. By the time we get a few drinks in us we are ready to make our way to the dance floor.
I sway my hips as I dance to the beat, enjoying the blissful freedom. Here I’m just another girl. I’m not the girl with all the trauma and baggage, the girl who was trafficked and doesn’t even know her own family. I’m just another teenage girl, looking to have a fun time and it’s a goddamn relief.
Most of the guys at the clubhouse have a vague idea of the shit I went through, and I still catch pitying looks from them occasionally when they don’t think I’m looking or when something triggers me. But here I can almost pretend that that wasn’t me, that it happened to someone else, and I’d just heard about it. Just a sad story I watched on dateline, and not actually experienced.
Elana giggles as she smiles down at me, her heels giving her the added height as her arms flail around in the air as she dances. This is the side of her I love seeing. The silly free spirit who lives in the moment and has no regrets.
Out of the corner of my eye, I think I catch someone that looks vaguely familiar, but by the time I turn my head fully it’s gone. I slow down for a moment as I look around the rest of the club. My body tightens instinctively as fear trickles back in. Is it one of my old masters?
“I have to pee.” I shout to Elana, and she gives me a thumbs up. I turn to make my way to the bathroom, knowing one of the guys will follow close behind. I just need a moment to gather myself. I open the door and walk in, leaving Jax out by the door as I pant, trying to catch my breath. I head towards one of the stalls, glancing to my right, and stop dead as I see her. She looks so familiar, but I can’t put my finger on it. I swear I’ve seen those eyes before. Her gaze flicks to mine in the mirror and hers eyes widen like saucers.
“Beth?” She breathes in what I can only describe as shock missed with a gut obliterating pain. Although I don’t know how she could put that much inflection in one word, or how she could possibly know me.
“Y-yeah… I’m sorry do I know you? You look so familiar.” I squint as if that will somehow give me the answers. Her eyes turn sad for a moment before she forces a smile on her face.
“I’m Angie.” Her voice is so soft I can barely hear it over the sound of the music raging just outside the door. That name… Angie. I say it to myself a few times in my head before images start playing rapidly behind my eyes like watching a movie in fast forward. A little girl in a yellow dress, a tea party, dancing under a willow tree.
Angie!
My hands fly to my mouth as it all comes back. She’s the little girl who used to come to me in my dreams.
“Angie!” I pull her into my arms, I have no clue why but knowing that little girl I used to dream of is a real person heals something in my chest. Knowing that the little girl who held me together when I was alone and in my darkest hour, is here, causes tears to drip from my eyes. She sniffles into my shoulder. “You’re real.” I whimper, barely able to contain my emotions.
“I…I’m so sorry.” She breaks, her whole body sagging against me as she wails into my ear. “I’m so so sorry, Bethy.” She pulls back slightly, her face crumbling in utter anguish.
“For what?” I ask, confused as to why she’s apologizing. She saved me and she doesn’t even know it. It was thoughts of her that kept me holding on. Clinging to a life beyond all the torture and pain, a life where I was once an innocent little girl just playing with her best friend.
“I had no clue he was doing it to you, to. If only I had been brave enough to tell someone sooner. To say something anything then maybe it wouldn’t have happened to you to. When I was finally able to tell someone, no one believed me.” Big fat tears roll down her cheeks causing her mascara to run but she doesn’t even bother trying to wipe it away.
I stiffen at her words. Him. Dane. He was doing it to her too? Needing more information, needing answers, I pull her deeper into the bathroom. “I can’t remember a lot from…before. But I remember you and a tea party. I remember a yellow sundress and your brown curly hair.” I smile sadly as I finger her Sherly Temple curls.
“M-my father.” The words comes out forced like she was having trouble getting it past her lips. Omg her father was Dane. Images reform in my mind, the tea party, but now I remember his house in the background. The Willow tree in his backyard that we always used to play under during the summer.
“Oh God.” My hand slams against my mouth as my eyes close, pain ripping through me. We were best friends just as Dane and my father were. They were business partners, father trusted Dane with his life… and mine. The pieces filtering in, just needing that little spark to trigger the memories.
“H-he,” I pause not sure if I can even speak the words.
“Groomed you. Yes.” Her eyes close as if in physical pain, as if she to, is reliving it.
“Then he sold me…” My words break, the truth in the words still sting even though I know he never really loved me, never really cared for me, just pretended too. Her eyes spring open as her mouth drops, horror on her face.
“W-what?” she stutters, her brain not able to process what I’m saying. “He told everyone you ran off. We looked everywhere for you, for weeks! It wasn’t until we found one of your sweaters out in the woods with your blood all over it that we assumed you were dead and had your funeral.” She bows her head, tears dripping from her face to the dingy ground. “Oh my god. Your parents!” She starts to pace, tugging at her hair as thoughts fly through her mind at light-speed. She finally stops in front of me, her hands gripping my shoulders as I stand there in shock, the numbness taking over as I work to process all I’ve just learned. “I’m so glad you’re okay. That you’re alive.” She tugs me back into her arms, squeezing me tightly, the tears never ending.
I don’t know what to do with this information. I know I have more questions and that I need answers but at the moment my brain can’t handle anything else. I feel like all the progress I’ve made over the last few years are slipping away from me with each passing moment. I stare blankly at the wall, my body and mind fracturing under the weight. Is he still out there? Will he come for me if he knows I’m still alive?
She must see that I’m struggling with all this because she says, “Can I get your phone so I can give you my number so if you have any more questions you can call? I’ll do my best to answer everything I can.” She strokes my hair back from my forehead gently as I blankly reach into my pocket and hand her my phone. Unable to say a word.
“There you go.” She smiles gently, handing me back my phone. I want to know what’s happened to him. I want to know if he’s still alive, but I can’t bring myself to ask. The little girl inside me still scared of the man who had once been her everything.
She turns back to the mirror attempting to fix her makeup with a tissue.
“Why…” I shake my head, the sounds working over my throat like I just swallowed a handful of gravel.
“Why, what?” She stiffens as if she’s scared of what I’m going to ask.
“W-why did he do it to you?” It might not be the most appropriate question, but I guess a part of me understands how he could do it to me. But his own kid.
She shrugs. “I don’t really know, honestly.” She blows out a breath, and I can tell this is just as hard for her as it is for me. “It’s taken me a long time to even remotely heal, but if you need anything please. Please call me. I’ll always be here.” The fierce look on her face tells me she isn’t kidding. Her hands land back on my shoulder like she’s trying to anchor both of us somehow. “I’m so sorry.” She says again before she leaves me alone in the; thankfully; empty bathroom.
I don’t move for what feels like an eternity but in reality, is probably only five minutes. I don’t even bother peeing before I walk out of the bathroom, too lost in my own head to even remember I had to go.
“Princess, what’s up? Are you okay?” Jax rushes over as he sees me, his voice almost panicked. I flinch at the nickname; it was Bones nickname for me, but a few of the other guys have picked it up.
“Yeah… fine. Can we go home?” I ask, needing to get the fuck out of here before I have a nervous breakdown in public. His brows lower as he studies me than nods his head.
“Yeah, sure. Let’s go get Elana.” He tucks me under his arm and pulls me toward where the other prospect is watching over El. Jax whispers into Roni’s ear, and he nods before grabbing El from the dance floor. She has a smile on her face before her eyes meet mine and her face blanches. I don’t know what I look like right now, but I know it can’t be good.
“Jesus, Beth. You look like you’ve seen a ghost, are you okay?” She has no clue just how correct that statement is.
“Yeah, I’m just not feeling good. Can we go.” I say lamely knowing she won’t buy it, but I can’t voice what I’m actually feeling right now without breaking down. Without hesitation she nods and takes my hand pulling me from the building as the guys follow behind us.
“You, okay?” She whispers in my ear once we are out of the club and making it back to the SUV, the guys getting into the front. I nod, not really wanting to talk, “Seriously.” Her voice sounds so worried I know I have to tell her something or she’ll freak out and I can’t handle her panic on top of my own.
“I just saw someone from my past, that’s all,” I say to her, the only truth I can at the moment. Her eyes widen.
“One of the girls you were sold with?” She asks as she looks back toward the club like she could see her from here. I shake my head, closing my eyes as I try to keep it together.
“No…” Is all I can manage. I never told her anything about Angie. I never thought she was a real person. I always thought she was just someone I made up in my head to try and comfort my younger self, to feel less alone. Like an invisible friend.
El, sensing I don’t want to talk about it, doesn’t push as we head back toward the clubhouse.
Sweat drips down my back and my palms twitch. I can feel the darkness trying to take over, my subconscious wanting to take me back into those memories before they were tainted with the truth. My whole body trying to cave in on itself while simultaneously pulling itself out to sea and dragging me under. The overwhelming feeling of being out of control while struggling to keep myself afloat. Nausea turns my stomach and I bite my lips together to hold it back.
I was finally free, and I think that’s what hurts the most.
“It’s okay. It’s okay.” El chants from the seat next to me while tossing quick glances over at Roni, who keeps giving me worried looks through the rearview mirror.
He slams on the brakes right as we pull up and I throw the door open before hopping out and quickly emptying the contents of my stomach onto the gravel. My knees trying to buckle. I pinch my eyes tightly closed. No… I will never kneel again. Not for him and the pain he’s still managing to bring me or anyone else.
I hear a chuckle to my left. “Too much to drink, Princess.” Bones grunts as he pushes himself off the wall, a beer bottle dancing between two fingers as it swings back and forth with his drunken sway.
“Shut the fuck up, Bones.” El spits in pure rage before rounding the car to hold my hair back and rub my back.
“I was just kiddin’, El, chill out.” He smirks, still not understanding the situation. And why would he. He takes a few steps closer and takes me in.
“Fuck, Beth.” He rushes closer and I know he senses the seriousness since he called me Beth and not princess. El and Bones whisper above my head and I’m only able to catch bits and pieces slipping in and out of the numb state that used to be my safe haven. “Shit.” He grunts before hefting me up into his arms, carrying me bridal style into the warehouse and up the stairs toward my room. Not even acknowledging any of the guys who call out to him. He carries me all the way to my bathroom turning on the shower and slowly stripping me out of my clothes, making sure his eyes don’t linger on anything important for any length of time and even in this moment that hurts.
He puts me in the shower, handing me my toothbrush as I watch as he strips off his shirt while I brush my teeth. He leaves his pants on but takes of his boots as he climbs in behind me.
“It’s okay. I’m here. I got you.” His voice is rough but low, soothing. I tuck my arms close to my chest while resting my head on his chest, letting the tears fall, merging with the water. Allowing the waves to crash over me knowing that he will be there to pull me back. “What happened, baby?” I can’t even raise my head to look him in the eyes as I say the word that’s been tucked inside my mind since as long as I can remember.
“Angie.” My knees give out and his big arms tighten around me holding me up as he tucks me closer to his chest. “She was real, not just in my head. She was his daughter.” I know to him I’m talking nonsense, but he doesn’t bother interrupting or trying to make sense of it, not yet. He just listens to me. “He did it to her too. He told them I ran away. Made them think I’d died.” I babble all the information I learned tonight, trying to work through it myself.
He lowers us both down to the shower floor, setting me on his lap so he can keep me close to his chest while still mostly under the warm water. His hand running smooth circles over my back, while making a gentle shushing sound in my ear.
From the floor he reaches up and grabs the shampoo and starts washing my hair. His fingers diligent, making sure to coat every strand before rising and moving to my body wash. Again, his hands don’t linger longer than necessary. I close my eyes before I clasp my hand over his moving it over to my breast.
“Beth.” He hisses, his voice pained. Waiting a few more moments before opening my eyes and meeting his.
“Please, Bones.” I beg, not even caring that I sound desperate. I need him. In this moment I need him to be more than the brother he sees himself as. I need him to be a man. My man. I can’t lose myself again. I want to be free.
He shakes his head and my heart churns in my chest, stuttering before a harsh crack forms. “I can’t. Y-you, you’re vulnerable right now. Not in your right mind. I won’t take advantage of you.” He clarifies and I squeeze his hand, forcing it tighter around my large breast. He closes his eyes as if in pain. “It would be wrong.” He says though clenched teeth.
“Not if I want it. Want you. I need you, Bones.” I tell him. He stares at me, as if reading me like he always does. I’m not sure who moves first but our lips crash together, a moan escaping my mouth at the soft feel of his lips on mine. It’s even better than I imagined. His lips taste like barley and mint.
His free hand grips the back of my head, tangling in my wet strands in order to drag me deeper into him. My fingers sliding over his chest and up to his shoulders, moving my legs to straddle his lap, needing to feel more of him, to touch him. His hard cock pressing against the fly of his jeans. “Bones.” I moan as I grind down onto him.
“Fuck.” He groans, his hand sliding down my waist and down to my hips to help guide me. “You’re so fuckin’ beautiful. Even broken you’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” He mumbles against my lips, his breath teasing my skin before nipping my lower lip.
My eyes meet his. “I’ve wanted this for so long…wanted you.” I confess, needing him to know my feelings now that we are doing this.
He leans back his eyes on me as he says, “Me too.” He drags my lips back to his as he urges me closer and closer to the edge. My hips rocking against his thick length. The feel of him against me driving me crazy. He’s so fucking hot. My heart pounds in my chest as I take this all in. Forcing myself to feel it all. His stubbled cheeks rubbing against my skin as he takes what he wants from me. Something I’m more than willing to give. For the first time wanting to give.
When our lips finally part I say, “Can I have you?” I’m not sure why I feel the need to ask, maybe it’s because it’s been taken from me unwillingly or maybe because I want confirmation that he wants this as much as I do, but I ask it anyway. A little smile tilts on his full lips making him look even more gorgeous.
“Princess, you’ve always had me.” His hands cup my cheeks as he studies my face like he’s trying to memorize every nuance. His beautiful soft gray eyes drilling holes into my soul. I love this man. As much as a person as fucked up as me could possibly love someone else.
I lean forwards taking his lips in mine while working his belt free, lifting his hips and helping me lower his jeans before pulling them free. He drags me back up to his lap before gripping the base of his long, thick cock. Bigger than I remember it, the one time I saw it on my sixteenth birthday. I’ve been imagining I was in her shoes since then and now I finally am. He’s finally mine.
“You sure you want this?” He tilts my chin, making sure he can see my eyes, waiting for my answer.
“God yesss.” I hiss, trying to lower myself onto his thick head, desperate to finally feel him. He holds me still, not allowing me to lower until my eyes meet his again then he lowers me slowly, savoring every inch as it slides into my warm heat.
“God, you feel so fuckin’ good, princess.” He grunts as he continues to lower me. I whimper around his thick girth.
“More, Bones. I need more.” I pant wanting to slam down on him, even knowing it would likely bring pain due to his size, but I need to feel connected to him.
“Easy, baby. You’ll take all of me.” His smug look tells me he will make sure of it. He moans as our pelvises finally meet and he’s fully seated inside me. He holds still allowing me to adjust to his size. I drag my fingers through the hairs at the base of his neck, loving the vulnerable moment where it’s just us. The feeling of us together, finally. I lift myself before slamming back down like I wanted to, causing him to hiss out in pleasure. “That’s it, princess. Bounce on my cock. Show me how badly you’ve wanted this dick.” And I do, I show him all the years I’ve spent rubbing myself to thoughts of him, how badly I wished I could have this and so much more with him. Everything with him.
“I’m close. God, I’m so close.” I moan as I bounce harder, his mouth moving to suck on my nipples, flicking his tongue back and forth as he squeezes both my boobs in his big hands. Working me into a frenzy. I will never get enough of him, ever. “Bones.” I moan, unable to bear how amazing he feels inside me. His hand slides down my taunt stomach before circling my clit. Causing me to scream out as all the sensations burst into light behind my eyes.
“Fuck.” He pants as he stands, lifting me with him before pinning me between him and the wall. He drills into me, his hips thrusting faster and faster as he builds me higher, bringing me closer to the brink all over again. “Come for me again, princess. Let me feel this tight cunt choke my cock.” His hands squeeze tighter on my ass as he rocks my world. His length filling me to the brim while rubbing over every sensitive nerve inside me.
“Yesss!” I yell, not even bothering to keep quiet as I explode around him. My vision fades for a moment as I hit the peak. Still carrying me, he shuts the water off and the next thing I know I’m on my back, him laying over me, his cock still buried deep inside me.
“I ain’t done yet, baby.” He smirks as he drives his hips deeper in this position. His hand working between us before I feel his thumb flicking back and forth over my swollen nub. “I need more, baby. Give me more.” His voice is heady and deep as he commands in my ear. Following his instructions, I do. I break, give him the last little piece of me that I’d been keeping from him. This man has had my heart since before I knew I had one.
“I love you.” The words tumble from my lips, unwilling to stay trapped any longer. His eyes widen and I know I’ve just made a huge mistake. His hips slow and I’m scared he’s going to pull away, so I lock my legs around his hips. “Please. I’m sorry, just please don’t stop.” I beg, needing him to continue. I rake my nails down his back, as he thrusts into me once again. I clamp down tighter on him, wanting to feel him come inside me. He groans as I squeeze, and I know he’s getting closer. I lift my hips, meeting him pump for pump until I feel him twitching and pulsing inside me. “Give it to me, Please. Bones…” My voice breathy with desperation and exertion.
“Fuck. Fuck!” He roars as he explodes inside me, filling me to the brim with his hot cum. He rocks back and forth, allowing himself to empty entirely before slowly pulling out. He drops down beside me, his arm laying lazily over my waist before dragging me into his side. His nose burying into my still damp hair.
The silence is heavy and instead of drifting off into a blissful post orgasmic sleep, my stomach clamps in regret. He doesn’t feel the same, of course he doesn’t, why would he? Wanting to fuck someone and loving them are two very different things.
“I’m sorry.” I tell him, needing to address this before it ruins everything we have together. If it hasn’t already. I stay on my side, eyes focused on the wall, unable to even look at him. I’m crushed and embarrassed.
He blows out a breath and stands, making his way to the bathroom to grab his clothes and mine. He tosses mine into the hamper while putting his back on. Wet pants and all. It looks like he’s rung them out though at least. He runs his hands through his hair, which is a tic when he’s uncomfortable or frustrated.
“I gotta go. Hope you’re okay.” He leaves, closing the door softly behind him.
“Fuck,” I scream into my pillow, muffling the sound along with my tears. How did tonight get so fucked up. Now I wish I had just let myself go numb. It’s better than the gut-wrenching pain of losing the only person I’ve ever loved.