Chapter Nine
Beth (20)
I can hardly remember what Bones looks like anymore. Every time I close my eyes, begging for a glimpse of him, the images are hazy, flicking through my mind like a lost thought, and I think that’s what hurts the most, more than anything Dane can deliver.
He doesn’t even bother with kind words like he used to. I have become his complacent little bird again, not even needing the restraints anymore. Slipping back into the role that life seems so determined to keep me in. Those few short years of freedom seem so far away at this point. I almost wish they didn’t happen at all, at least then I wouldn’t know how good it felt to be free. To feel what it’s like to have someone care about you, to have friends and someone to love.
I roll over, my arms wrapping around Dane’s as he lay beside me in bed. He’s made it a habit of joining me at night, no longer scared that I will try to kill him or escape. I have lost all my fight, any semblance of happiness drained from me like a puddle in the dessert. He grunts as he turns, forcing my body closer to his as he rubs his stiff cock against my thigh.
“Serve me, little bird.” He growls, his hands going behind his head and he waits for me to lower my mouth to his dick. I do as he commands, taking him into my mouth. When he’s with me like this I can almost pretend that I’m free. That I’m choosing to do this for the joy of knowing I’m pleasuring a lover. My mind so warped from years of conditioning and mental abuse. I know what I’m feeling is wrong, but I can’t stop it. Tears rise to my eyes as he hits the back of my throat, thrusting his hips violently in order to reach his peak. I squeeze my eyes tight, knowing I need to stay calm and breath through my nose, it’s almost done. He groans as his hand comes to press on the back of my head, holding me still as he brutally takes what he wants from me. He’s never gentle, never like Bones, checking in and confirming I’m into what he’s doing.
“That’s it, little bird. I know you secretly love everything I do to you. Love serving your master.” His words have changed now that I’m older. What was one soft and soothing almost fatherly has become degrading and possessive. I’m no longer his pride and joy but his servant and toy. His grunts quicken as he picks up his pace, not bothering to warn me as he pulls back to fill my mouth, not allowing it to go down my throat, but instead forcing me to taste his salty seed. The urge to gag is strong but I force it down, knowing that if I were to get sick he’d make my lick it all back off him and then beat me for puking on him.
I swallow rapidly trying to take it all down. I sit up once he’s done and I am confident I won’t throw up. He doesn’t bother saying anything as he rises to his feet and heads to the main floor to the only functioning bathroom. I get the bucket in the corner that he thankfully empties a few times a week.
Once he’s gone, I burrow under the covers to stay warm. He hasn’t given me clothes since that day he cut them off me two years ago, so I mostly stay in bed for fear of catching hypothermia. He doesn’t let me leave the basement except for at mealtimes where I sit on the floor by his feet, my “rightful” place.
“Come on, we are going out.” He yells down from the top of the stairs, his voice cheery as if this will be a pleasant family outing and not another way for him to manipulate me and exhort his control over me. I take my time heading upstairs, dreading being near him more than absolutely necessary. He nods his head over toward the living room where he has placed a pair of jeans and a shirt over the arm of the couch for me. “Get dressed we need to go grocery shopping.” He turns away and walks toward the kitchen to get himself a cup of coffee. I quickly dress making sure to not make any sound. Just as he likes it.
He walks back in, sipping loudly. “Good. Now put on your shoes and let’s go.” He commands turning and heading toward the door, not even waiting to see if I will do as he said, my obedience expected. By the time I reach the door his hand is firmly clasped behind my neck, gripping me by the scruff like a disobedient dog. “You will be a good little girl when we get there. You will listen and if I even think you are trying to signal someone for help, I will torture you beyond anything you’ve been through thus far. You will beg me for a death that I will never give you.” He growls in my ear. I swallow harshly and I know he can feel it through his fingertips and nod.
I climb into the passenger’s seat of the car, rolling down the window slightly in order to breath in the fresh air. It’s been so long since I’ve been outside, since I’ve breathed in more than mold and dirt. My eyes close as I take deep gulping breaths. The feel of the warm sunshine hitting my cheeks, the wind whipping through my hair reminds me of being on the back of Bones’ bike. The freedom of the open road and the feel of his hand on my thigh while we rode. I swallow down the lump in my throat, forcing back the tears.
God, I miss him. I would do anything, give anything to see him again.