14. Micaiah
ONE WEEK LATER
“She was temptation like a muthafucka. Fine as hell. Standing in front of me with wet pussy dripping, how was I supposed to say no?” –Heart of Stone, MJ Stone
“I’ll see you guys next month,” Dr. Rose stated as she walked us to the reception desk so that Myraj could schedule her next prenatal visit.
I stood behind her as my mind filled with the beauty of what was taking shape in my life. Karen kept me at a distance with her pregnancy, and I often felt disconnected. I had no idea why she was behaving that way until after Malachi had been born.
She was working hard to hide truths from me that would have had me hitting the ceiling if I’d known. Whenever I thought about the bullshit that she was on, I got angry all over again.
“Are you ready?” Myraj asked when she turned to me after she had scheduled her next appointment.
“Yeah.”
“Here, put this in your phone.”
She handed me an appointment card, and I checked the date. I added it to my phone’s calendar as we walked out of the doctor’s office to my car.
“Where do you want to eat?” I asked as I strapped her seat belt around her.
She smiled graciously up at me and shrugged. “I’m good with whatever.”
I loved that she was so easy to please. I had feared that her hormones would take over and change the sweet woman I had met into some raging woman that I no longer recognized.
“What do you have a taste for?”
“Tacos.”
“Cool. I know the perfect place.”
We chatted about the doctor appointment until we arrived at The Fiesta Bowl. Once we were seated and placed our orders, she asked me a question that I could tell had been on her mind for a while.
“What was it like the first time around—with Malachi?”
I inhaled and released a long exhale. “My wife worked hard to keep me at a distance. As much as I wanted to be involved, she made it difficult for me. She canceled appointments, rescheduled them, skipped some, or just didn’t tell me when they were.
No matter what I did, it wasn’t good enough for her.
She was always upset and angry, which she blamed on pregnancy hormones.
I was patient with her, but the more patient I was, the more she fussed and cried.
She said she hated that I didn’t argue back with her; she said it was a sign that I didn’t care.
“After Chi was born, I learned why she had been so argumentative, distant, and pushing me away about anything that had to do with her pregnancy. I thought it was just hormonal like she’d said, but it wasn’t.
She had a car accident before she became pregnant, and she had been prescribed pain pills to manage her pain. ”
“Please don’t tell me that she continued taking them during the pregnancy.”
I stopped talking as our waiter returned to our table with our orders. Once we were served, I took her hands in mine, prayed over the meal, and then took a bite before I resumed the conversation.
“Not only did she not stop taking them, but she was drinking too.”
“I have a confession,” she mumbled weakly.
My chest tightened, and my jaw clenched as I waited for her confession.
“What’s that?”
“I uhm . . . I had a glass of wine three times before I knew that I was pregnant. It was the first trimester.”
“Did you continue?” I asked, trying to unscrew the tightness in my jaw.
“No! Before I found out, I hadn’t had a glass in almost a month.”
“What did the doctors say?”
“The doctors have said that everything is okay from the tests that have been ran, but—I still worry.”
It was hard to hear her confession, but I knew that was because of my memories of Malachi. I dug down deep and pushed past the pain, and I reached out and grabbed her hands.
“Listen, we’re not gonna focus on ‘what-if,’ but we’re gonna focus on the positive, pray, and keep our minds and hearts clear of anything but a healthy baby girl. Okay?”
“Okay. I’m sorry, Micaiah.”
“Don’t apologize. I don’t believe you meant any harm; you just didn’t know.”
She inhaled and exhaled slowly, letting me know that had been a weight on her shoulders. With a nod, she replied, “Okay. Finish telling me about Malachi.”
“He was born premature with a low birth weight and neonatal abstinence syndrome. He struggled with respiratory issues, he cried all the time, and he had seizures, which scared the shit out of me. Thank God, we didn’t have to have him weaned by giving him other drugs and slowly reducing the dose.
“That’s what we thought might happen at first, but we took a supportive care approach. Shit wasn’t easy, Myraj. He had to be swaddled and have skin-to-skin care while he was gently rocked. We used to have to keep his hands to his face to help him self-soothe.”
“You said ‘we,’ but I thought she wasn’t involved.”
“She wasn’t. By ‘we’ I meant my family and her parents. I had a great support system for him, still do.”
“My heart is breaking, Micaiah. No child or parent should have to go through those types of battles,” she replied, wrapping her arms around herself as though she could protect our baby by that action alone.
“Nah, they shouldn’t.”
“How do those techniques help?”
“It’s a natural reflex and relaxes their nervous system. We had to feed him smaller doses, but more frequent feedings because of his gastrointestinal distress.”
“Micaiah, I’m so sorry, honey, that you all went through that. Is he still suffering the effects of that?”
“No. He’s healthy now. It lasted the first few weeks of his life, but seeing that made me know that I had to make a change. She wasn’t willing to get help, even after she saw the impact the drugs and alcohol had on him.”
“Is that how you got custody of him?”
“Yeah. When she refused to get help after he was born, I threatened divorce. She said she didn’t care, so I started the divorce process.
She moved back in with her parents, and she seldom showed up to take care of him.
It was easy getting custody after that. With the hospital records, her constant absence, and statements from the nurses and even her own parents, it was a no-brainer the judge would give me custody, although they seldom give full custody to the fathers.
Thank God I worked from home full time.”
“You did say that she has visitation now, though, right?”
“Yeah. She has supervised visitation. He doesn’t stay overnight or anything, but he spends time with her for a few hours every other weekend.”
“Is that hard on him?”
“It was at first, but he’s adjusted to it. He doesn’t cry when he has to leave her. He loves going to see her, though. Like most kids, he loves his mama.”
“That’s good. Were you two married long?”
I sighed and held my head down for a moment before I looked back up at her. I wasn’t sure if it would change how she felt about me, but she deserved to know the truth about my past. “We were married for two years, and we’ve been divorced for almost three years. She was my third wife.”
“Third wife?” she repeated in disbelief.
“Yeah.”
She listened closely as I talked about all three of my marriages.
“Do you . . . do you think you’ll ever get married again?”
I chuckled and crossed my arms over my chest. Although I didn’t mean to sound harsh, I couldn’t help my response. “I doubt it. It’s too tumultuous for kids, and I won’t put another kid through what Malachi has already gone through in his three short years of life.”
Her voice was compassionate when she spoke, and I could tell she chose her words carefully.
“It’s understandable that you would feel that way.
Marriage hasn’t been kind to you, and it’s hard to hold on to something that you have faith in but it keeps disappointing you.
I know all about disappointment. I’ve been down that road too many times myself, just in relationships.
I couldn’t bear to go through it with marriage. I’m sure I would become very jaded.”
I loved that she didn’t pity me, and I could see true compassion and concern in her eyes.
“Do you think that I could meet Malachi soon?”
I smiled at her as I rocked back in my chair. “Of course. You’re the mother of my daughter, and it’s important that he gets to know you and feel comfortable around you before she arrives. They will be raised together, Myraj, make no mistake about that.”
She bit down on her bottom lip and inhaled deeply. I wanted to reach out and rub my thumb across her lower, pouty lip. She was so beautiful.
“I’m not against them being raised together, but I’ll have to admit, I’m not keen on the idea of you having her as many days out of the week that you suggest, Micaiah.”
“And I’m not about being a weekend daddy, Myraj.”
“Listen, I get that what Karen did was screwed up, but I’m not the same woman.
Maybe you need to lay eyes on her frequently to feel that everything is well with her, and I get that.
It doesn’t require that you keep her that many days to have that reassurance.
Maybe you get her on the weekends, and then you can visit her a couple of times during the week.
I will be open to working something out with you. ”
I angled my head and chuckled. She thought that I was playing with her little ass, but I wasn’t. I wasn’t sure what it would take to get her to see things my way, but I was serious about being a very real and present presence in my child’s life.
“It’s like we said before, we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.”
“Mhm.”
She lowered her gaze to her food. I reached across the table and lifted her chin. Fire sparked from her gorgeous eyes, but it didn’t make me stand down. In the moment that I held her chin, I had a flashback of making love to her, and that pissed me off.
“I’m serious, Myraj.”
“I know you are.”
I released her, sat back in my chair, and I watched her continue eating. She was strong, and in some ways, she was obstinate, and while I wouldn’t break her spirit, I would break down those walls she erected.
I dropped Myraj off at her place and returned home.
When I saw Arabella sitting in her car in my driveway when I pulled up, I was pissed.
She knew I hated when people popped up unannounced at my house, and she was becoming more and more comfortable doing that.
A part of me suspected she was trying to catch Myraj over here, but I wasn’t about to let her start any drama in my life.
I had to put personal boundaries in place and push Arabella back on the other side of those lines.
“What are you doing here?” I asked when she jumped out of her car and joined me on the porch.
“I needed time to cool off, and I thought you might need time to come to your senses.”
“I already have all my senses, and there’s nothing more to discuss.”
“So, marriage is out the window?”
“Bell, you were the only one hopped up on the idea of remarrying. I told you that I wasn’t.”
“You said you would think about it.”
“And I did, and I told you after I thought about it that it’s not gonna work for me.”
“Because of this woman?”
“Bell, you said the main reason you wanted to remarry was to help me launch this newest book. That’s not a reason to marry.
Marrying someone is about love and a lifetime commitment, a vow between a man, God, and his woman, not a campaign strategy to dupe your readers and earn more money off their belief in you. ”
“Have you told your family about her?”
“They know.”
“You’re really serious about this woman, huh?”
“Right now, my focus is on my child. I’m not thinking about anything more than that. I’ll give my best to my books, but even my career will never come before my kids. You know this about me. Why are you acting like it’s a shock?”
“Because I know you, Micaiah. You’re a romantic at heart, and you’re probably already romanticizing things with this woman.”
“Maybe I am, maybe I’m not. I told you that you and I are gonna stop this back-and-forth. My personal life is just that. I have a lot going on in my life, Bell. So, if there’s nothing else, let me head inside.”
“Wow, so it’s like that, huh? Well, I’ll respect your wishes because I don’t want to lose you as a client. We make a great team, Micaiah, and I just want what’s best for you.”
I pulled her into my arms and held her close for a few seconds. Resting my chin on her head, I admitted, “We do make a great team, and I know you want what’s best for me. As long as we focus on teamwork, we won’t go wrong.” I released my hold on her.
Arabella took a couple of steps back and looked up into my eyes. “I hope she makes you happy, Micaiah, and I hope you finally found what you’ve been looking for.”
“Like I said, my focus is on my kids right now. She’s a good girl, I won’t lie, and I’d be proud to call her mine. The problem is I’ve had my heart broken too many times, and I’m not sure that I’m what she needs.”
“Any woman who’s looking to settle down and start a family would be lucky to call you hers.
That’s who you are, and it’s what you deserve.
I think that’s what makes you such an excellent romance writer.
You understand what’s important to women, and you know exactly how to serve it up to them, literally and figuratively. ”
I laughed. “Yeah, I guess so.” I scratched the back of my head.
“Seriously. I’m sorry that we didn’t work out. You know I’ve been screwed up since my ex, and I’ll never be good for any man. I would’ve only corrupted you if we’d stayed together. I’m glad that you figured it out first and walked away before we imploded.”
“You’re a good girl, Bell, much better than you give yourself credit for. Just take your heart off ice for some deserving man.”
She scoffed. “Boy, please. Do you think there’s any man deserving of what I bring?”
I chuckled and dragged my hand over my head. “Probably not, Bell, probably not.”
“Good night, Micaiah.” She pressed up on her toes and kissed my cheek before she turned and walked back to her car.
“Good night, Bell,” I called after her.
I remained in the spot that I was in and watched as she drove down my long, tree-lined driveway before I headed in the house.