Chapter 14
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
I CAN’T DO THIS
M y life is a bad rom-com! Cringing, I twist my head and find Rem, his face pinched, standing at the walkway’s start, a leash connected to Wentworth dangles from my brother’s hand. Beside him, a shit-eating grin spreads across Hope’s face.
Davis lowers me to my feet. Fixing my skirt, I step in front of him to help cover the not-so-little situation I helped create in his jeans.
“Rem. Hope. What are you doing here?” I purse my lips.
“We live here,” he deadpans.
“Your niece is active tonight, so we went for a walk to settle her.” She rubs her belly. “We thought Wentworth may want to join, so you didn’t need to walk him after?—”
“Your date.” Rem hands me the leash, his gaze flicking between me and Davis. “As I said, he’s not who you left with.”
“I thought Owen and you were just friends,” Davis mumbles.
“We are,” I murmur.
Lips pursed, Rem quirks one blond brow.
Hope shoots him a sharp look and then turns her bright smile on Davis. “Hi. I’m Hope, the best friend.”
“I’m Davis.” He rubs his nape
“Davis?” Her brows waggle. “ The Davis.”
And I thought the Spanx situation was bad, but this... Eyes closed, I suck in a steadying breath.
“Davis? The guy from the other night? The one Jackson set you up with? The one you walked out on?” Rem tsks .
“I think they got past that, honey.” Hope pats his shoulder.
Davis clears his throat. “ The Davis?”
God, please, sinkhole, now! I rub my temples.
“We should go inside.” Hope nudges Rem along. “I’ll see you in the morning. Stop by for breakfast. We have lots to discuss. Just let me know if I should make breakfast for four.” She winks, tugging Rem past us and through the gate.
“That’s your best friend and older brother?”
“Yup.” I nod, watching them shuffle down the cobblestone walkway toward the back of the house.
“And they just caught me dry humping you against their back gate?”
I cringe. “Technically we were post-dry humping, but yeah .”
For a beat, we just look at each other, both our faces crinkled with embarrassment. Then a loud laugh erupts out of him, causing me to follow. The situation is ridiculous, but this is my life.
“I’m so messy.” I wave at myself. “You should run, very fast and very far.”
He places his hands on my hips and shakes his head. “I’d rather run with you.”
“Davis, my life is a mess. I can’t make any promises, not now, and that’s not fair to you. I’ve already been such a selfish ass.”
Am I like Will? Realization aches in my chest. Here, I am stringing Davis along, taking these little moments of happiness and pleasure from him, all while I’m entangled with my book boyfriends. One of whom I may have to choose to be with for the sake of the other two.
“Why do you think you’re being selfish?” His brows knit.
“If it’s because you came and I didn’t? Trust me, if your brother and Hope hadn’t interrupted us, I was about thirty seconds away from losing all control, but even if I didn’t—” he squeezes my waist “—the satisfaction I got from this body shuddering against me makes me greedy for more. In fact, do you have other surfaces I can press you up against?”
I laugh. “I’m being serious.”
“Me too.” He smirks.
The mix of sweetness and steady strength oozing from Davis is too appealing.
I could just lose myself in him, throwing away any sense of doing what’s right.
Right for my book boyfriends. They deserve their happy endings, as does Davis.
It’s not fair to toy with him like this, when I may have to be with someone else.
“I can’t be with you or anyone else, not right now. Not until I figure my messy life out.”
“How long will that take?”
I shake my head. “I don’t expect you to wait around.”
“What if I wanted to wait?” he murmurs.
“It’s not fair for you.”
He steps back, his hands still on my waist, and studies me. “Is this really for me or is it because of me?”
“What?”
He nods, his throat bobbing. “Is this to protect me from your messy life or is it because you don’t like?—”
“No! I like you… a lot.” My protest is swift. So swift that I don’t register the words sprinting out of my mouth until they are nestled in the space between us. Those words are like a truth bomb ready to explode. I like Davis Makenzie. I really like him.
“You like me, but you can’t be with me right now.” Hurt hardens his features.
I close my eyes, imagining how many times Davis heard this from his dad. Someone saying they want you but can’t be with you doesn’t make you feel less unwanted. I know this, even if I know how much I want him, it doesn’t change how he may feel right now.
Opening my eyes, I swallow thickly. “Or anyone else.” That is anyone but one of my book boyfriends. “I’m so sorry…”
“I should go.” He releases me and steps back.
Nodding, I push back the threatening tears. The ones that I know will come once he walks away.
“Goodbye, Peach.” He offers me one last look, picks up his bag, and walks away.
“Goodbye, Davis,” I whisper. Wentworth nuzzles his cool nose against my calf, offering comfort I don’t deserve.
Wiping my eyes, Wentworth and I head to my carriage house.
The pained expression covering Davis’s face haunts me.
The story about his dad making promises to him, to be a family, radiates an ache in my chest. How often had younger Davis, and even adult Davis, been tugged along by someone who couldn’t be with him?
I can’t do that to him, although I already have.
Unleashing Wentworth, I hang the leash on the hook by the door and lean against the wall. Queasiness sloshes in my stomach, reminding me that I should have listened to myself. I should have thought of Davis and not just about being with him.
“But I want to be with him,” I mumble, my gaze dragging to the laptop I discarded on the coffee table.
In the past, writing provided refuge for moments like this. When things were too overwhelming, I could escape into my words. I could write an ending where everything works out. Everyone is happy, even me. But those words aren’t there.
“I’m so messy.” Pushing away from the door, I head toward my room but then stop.
The laptop’s siren song pulls me back to it. Not to write, though. To research. To find a way to fix this. To help everyone I’ve hurt since I’d made that stupid wish.