Chapter 31
SCARLETT
My hand is cramping by the time I sign the last book.
Seven hundred copies of my backlist titles for a book club partnership Natalie set up months ago.
I’ve been at the publisher’s office since nine this morning, and it’s now after three, and my signature looks like a scribble by the end.
My wrist aches, and there’s a knot between my shoulder blades from hunching over the table for hours.
“All done,” I say to the assistant who’s been stacking them.
“Thank you so much.” She smiles. “These are going to make a lot of readers happy.”
“It’s the reason I do it,” I say with a grin as I pack up my stuff.
I take the elevator down to the ground floor and head into the afternoon chaos of Midtown.
The sidewalks are packed with people rushing to happy hours and weekend plans.
Someone’s shoulder clips mine, and they don’t apologize.
A car lays on its horn for no apparent reason, even though there are fines against it.
The smell of hot garbage and exhaust fumes makes my stomach turn.
I have to dodge three different groups of tourists taking photos in the middle of the walkway, and by the time I get to the subway, I’m sweating through my shirt and my head is pounding.
The train is delayed, because of course, it is.
I stand close to the grimy tile wall, and the smell of hot trash and metal makes me want to gag. I pull out my phone just to have something to focus on.
Scarlett
Just finished signing 700 books. My hand is dead.
Ezra
That’s amazing though. How do you feel?
Scarlett
Tired. Ready to be home.
I stare at that word. Home. I typed it without thinking, but Brooklyn doesn’t feel like home anymore. I’ve only been back two days, and it already feels wrong.
Ezra
Ahh, yeah, I can imagine.
Scarlett
How’s your pottery making going?
Ezra
Great. I’ve been working nonstop for days. I’m sure the auction will be incredible.
Next Saturday, Ezra will stand before a room full of people, continuing his mother’s legacy, doing something he’s passionate about.
Scarlett
That’s incredible.
Ezra
My mom’s assistant, Paula, is excited. She thinks this will be a record year.
Scarlett
I’m sure it will be!
The train finally screeches into the station, and I squeeze into an already packed car.
A man with a huge backpack nearly takes me out.
A woman next to me is on her phone having a very loud argument with someone about dinner plans.
Her perfume is so strong that it makes my eyes water.
The car lurches forward, and I grab the pole to steady myself.
My hand sticks to something I don’t want to think about, and I quickly wipe it on my jeans.
By the time I get to my stop fifteen minutes later, the headache behind my eyes has turned into a full-blown migraine.
I climb the three flights of stairs to my apartment.
When I enter, it’s stuffy because I forgot to open the windows this morning.
The couple next door is fighting again, and I can hear every single word through the walls.
“Home sweet home,” I mumble to myself.
I drop my bag and squeeze the bridge of my nose with my finger and thumb.
Books are stacked everywhere because I ran out of shelf space two years ago.
My desk is shoved in the corner next to a window that overlooks an alley and another building that’s so close, I can see a woman in her kitchen making dinner.
The person I was before I left New York isn’t the person I am now.
I’ve only been back two days, and I feel like a stranger in my space.
My phone rings. It’s Hallie, and I’ve never been more grateful for an interruption.
“Hey,” I answer, and my voice sounds overly excited.
“Want to do coffee?” she asks. “I’m around the corner from your place.”
“Yes. Please. I have a migraine, but I think it’s because I need caffeine.”
“Great. Come meet me. Want your regular double iced espresso?”
“Yes, please.”
I take two aspirin, then change clothes. The walk to the coffee shop should only take five minutes, but I’m forced to navigate around delivery guys blocking the sidewalk and a group of drunk people who started their Friday night early. A siren wails past and makes my head throb harder.
The coffee shop is packed when I arrive, but Hallie has already snagged us a table by the window. She takes one look at me and her eyebrows go up.
“You look terrible,” she says.
“Thanks.” I sink into the chair across from her. “That’s exactly what I needed to hear.”
“No, I mean it. You look exhausted.” She leans forward. “What’s going on?”
“I haven’t been able to sleep.”
“Since when?”
“Wednesday night. I keep tossing and turning. It’s awful.
” I press my fingers against my temples, trying to ease the headache.
“I swear, I can hear my neighbors breathing through the walls, Hallie. My upstairs neighbor vacuums at seven every morning like she’s trying to wake the dead.
There are no trees. No birds. Just concrete, noise, and people everywhere. Has it always been like this?”
She bursts into laughter. “Welcome to New York, babe. And yes, it’s always been like this. The only thing that’s changed is you.”
The barista calls Hallie’s name, and she gets up to grab my drink. Her iced matcha sits on the table. When she returns, she sets my espresso in front of me and studies my face.
“This isn’t just about the apartment,” she says.
“No.” I wrap my hands around the cup and look around, making sure no one is paying attention to us. “It’s about Ezra. I miss him.”
“Then why are you here?”
“Because my life is here. My career. My agent, my editor, and my publicist. You.” Tears start, and I wipe at them angrily. “Because picking up and moving to Charleston for a guy I’ve known for weeks is a bit insane.”
“Who cares?” She tilts her head. “Staying here when you’re miserable is a choice.”
My emotions are starting to take over. “I have to decide whether I’m going to renew my lease or let it go by the last day of the month. When I think about staying here, it makes me physically ill. It feels so wrong.”
She nods, listening to me.
“Ezra is so kind. He doesn’t bring it up, just says how much he misses me. He’s giving me space to decide, and it’s killing me because I don’t know what to do. What if I pack up my entire life and move to Charleston and it doesn’t work out? Then what?”
“I think your overactive imagination is making you stressed. How about this—you move and it doesn’t work out, you can come back and stay with me until you figure it out.
Or your parents would love to have you home for a little while.
There are options, Scar. But not pursuing this when the two of you look so fucking happy is insanity.
He seems like everything you’ve ever wanted. ”
“He is.” I take a shaky breath, and my chest aches. “I’m just so scared he’s going to wake up one day and realize being with me is a mistake.”
Hallie is quiet for a long moment. Then she reaches across the table and takes my hand. Her grip is firm.
“Scarlett. Look at me.”
I meet her eyes.
“You’ve been back two days and you’ve obsessed about Charleston.
When you were there, I could hear the happiness in your voice.
” She squeezes my hand. “You light up when you talk about him. Your whole demeanor changes. I’ve never seen you like this with anyone.
Not even Jason, and you thought he was the love of your life. ”
“I won’t survive the heartbreak of losing Ezra, Hal. I know I won’t. That scares me. After Jason, I experienced the worst depression of my life. This would be next-level,” I whisper.
“I know, but you can’t really walk away now, can you?” Her voice softens.
“No.” I shake my head.
“You spent the two years after Jason barely surviving, protecting yourself, and staying small so you wouldn’t get hurt again.
You stopped taking risks. You stopped believing good things could happen to you.
” She leans forward. “Then you went to Charleston for a couple of weeks and wrote the best book of your career.”
My eyes widen. “Wait, did you finish reading it?”
Her entire face lights up. “Oh my fucking gosh, yes, at around three this morning! It was the best thing I’ve ever read.
It’s so damn special, Scarlett. Like, that man must’ve done something right.
I can tell you’re in love with someone who actually sees you.
That means something. People search their entire life for love like that. ”
“I know,” I say, and my voice cracks.
“I cried tears of happiness when I got to the end.” Hallie smiles. “Jordan is incredible. It’s the most honest, vulnerable thing you’ve ever written. You didn’t hold anything back. You let yourself feel everything, and it shows on every page. And the sex scenes? Hot.”
She squeezes my hand before letting go.
“I think if you don’t go back and see how it goes, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life. If you stay here and renew your lease, you’ll be miserable. And it’s not worth it, Scarlett. Live a little.”
“I think you’re right. It’s a big decision.”
“And I know you’ll make the right choice.”
People come and go around us. The barista calls out more orders. The sun shifts lower in the sky, casting long shadows across the table.
“What’s going on with you? Any updates on your tour?”
“Yeah, I have to travel with that jerk. I already told my brother to talk to Landon. I just don’t know how I’m going to survive this. I want to quit.”
This makes me laugh because I know she’d never.
“You’ll survive. Who knows, maybe by the end of it, you’ll be friends.”
“Friends?” She lets out a harsh laugh. “Don’t think so. I will never be his friend. He’s an asshole. A complete jerk. And he will purposely make my life hell.”
“Will you be stopping in Charleston?”
A wide grin meets her lips. “Actually, yes. I’ll have to come visit you.”
“You say it like you know I’ll be there,” I tell her.
“You will,” she says. “I’m predicting it now.”
We continue catching each other up on our lives, and it feels good to be with Hallie. After two hours, we finally leave. When we step outside, Hallie hugs me so tight.
“Whatever you decide, I support you,” she says, then pulls away. “But for what it’s worth? I think you already know what you want to do. There are tons of moving companies you can find online that can help you pack all that shit up.”
I chuckle. “Thank you for being my bestest friend and talking me off the ledge.”
“Oh, don’t worry. Next summer, when I’m touring, you’ll hear from me a lot.”
“Promise?” I ask.
“Oh, yeah,” she tells me. “When you figure out what you’re doing, I want to be the first to know.”
“I promise,” I say.
As the sun sets, I walk home. This time, much slower than before. The city transitions from day to night, and sunlight still touches the tops of some buildings even though the sidewalk has dropped several degrees. The streetlights flicker on. Restaurants start filling up with the dinner crowd.
I go home and sit on the couch, then look around.
The truth is, I don’t want to be here.
I want to be in Charleston.
I want to wake up next to Ezra every morning.
I want to write in the cottage with birds outside my window instead of sirens and car horns.
I want to cook dinner together in his big kitchen, meet his friends properly, and be there next Saturday when he gives his speech at the gala.
I want to see his face when he talks about his mother and supporting young artists.
I want to be the person he looks for and finds in the crowd.
Hallie’s words keep echoing in my mind.
Playing it safe and protecting myself has gotten me nowhere.
Meeting Ezra changed my life. He inspires me and makes me want to dream big. He makes me believe I deserve good things because he wants me to have those things. I lie back on the couch and close my eyes because I’m so damn exhausted.
I wake up around seven with my back aching. My phone is on the floor beside me, and I pick it up. My hands shake as I look up my apartment manager’s contact number. I take three deep breaths before I press the number.
It rings once, twice, and right before I’m ready to hang up, he answers.
“Hello?” Dale’s voice is gruff and annoyed because it’s early on a Saturday.
“Hi, it’s Scarlett Collins in 3C. I’m sorry to call so early, but I need to talk to you about my lease.”
“Yeah?”
“I’ve decided I’m not renewing.” The words come out, and I feel nothing but relief when I say them. “Do I need to sign anything?”
There’s a pause. “Oh, yeah. Just come down to the office on Monday and sign the paperwork saying you’re moving out. Where ya heading?”
“I’m actually moving to Charleston.”
“Wow, I love that town. It’s nice.” He clears his throat. “All right. Just remember, you have to have everything out by the final day of the month. You’ll leave your keys in the drop box at the office, but don’t forget to sign that contract for me.”
“I will. I’ll come down on Monday. Thank you.”
I hang up and stare at my phone, almost shocked that I actually did it.
Tears stream down my face, but I’m smiling because this is the right choice. I know it is.
After I make myself a shitty cup of coffee that tastes like water compared to Ezra’s, I open my laptop and research moving companies.
I have six days to pack up my entire life and get it shipped to Charleston. I will have enough time to sort through years of accumulation and decide what will go with me and what will be donated.
I’m actually ready to close this chapter before starting the next one.
A smile touches my lips when I think about returning to Charleston.
I’m choosing Ezra. I’m choosing us. And it feels so damn good.