Chapter 8
NOVA
Every time I attempted to leave the bathroom, I would hear voices talking about me. Like a scared turtle, I retreated into my shell. At one point, I nearly fell off the toilet when someone knocked on the door. I checked my appearance, assuming Boone had grown impatient.
Instead, I found two blondes. Ivy offered me a warm smile. Vanessa just looked confused.
Ivy asked, “Are you okay?”
“Why are you hiding from Boone?” Vanessa asked while pushing her way past me so she could brush her hair in front of the mirror. “He’s a great guy. Super submissive. I once used him as a pillow. He wanted to get up, but I forced him to stay put until I had finished watching the movie.”
I frowned at the thought of Vanessa touching Boone. Jealousy was dumb, but I didn’t want to imagine him with any woman, let alone such an attractive one.
Vanessa’s pale blue eyes flashed to me once she finished brushing her hair. “And I haven’t even spread for him. Can you imagine how submissive he’ll be with you once you put out? So, why not go out with him?”
I looked to Ivy for help. Though she was petite and sweet, she was learning to hold her own with these tougher people. Right now, she frowned at Vanessa.
“We shouldn’t pressure her.”
“She’s a grown woman with needs that a sexy biker can help with,” Vanessa insisted and nudged me. “Wink, fucking, wink, you know?”
My mind instantly flashed to the lectures I heard as a teenager about sex and sin. Before I could shake off those bad memories, I recalled faking my way through sex with Chris. Even on our honeymoon, I hadn’t wanted him to touch me.
As those ugly feelings washed over me, I blurted out, “I’m not interested in sex.”
“Oh, then, don’t go out with Boone,” Vanessa replied while smoothing out her long blonde hair. “I don’t think sexual frustration will be a good look on Boone.”
“They should go on a date,” Ivy said and blocked Vanessa from leaving the bathroom.
Vanessa leaned down to get eye-to-eye with Ivy. “I could jump over you so easily, Tiny Titan.”
“Let’s focus on helping Nova talk to Boone.”
“Oh, the ship has sailed for this bashful babe,” Vanessa told Ivy. “Everyone’s all riled up and overly interested. She can’t talk to him now without us spying.”
Covering my face, I imagined if I had just kept the Eddie Murphy paper in my pocket instead of his. Today would have been so much calmer. I could have quietly stalked Boone. No drama or hiding in the bathroom.
“This sucks,” Ivy muttered. “Nova just wants to get to know Boone.”
Vanessa stroked Ivy’s head. “You’re so cute when you get angry.”
“I’m serious.”
“I am, too. My cousin is lucky to have such a pretty wife.”
Ivy smiled grudgingly. “Thank you, but what about Nova?”
“Do you want to go out with Boone?” Vanessa asked me. “Like a date with a movie and a meal together?”
“I don’t know.”
“Why put that paper in his pocket if you don’t want to spend time with him?” Vanessa asked and then leaned closer to stare into my eyes. “Are you nuts? It’s okay if you are. Some of my favorite people have screws loose.”
“I don’t know what I want, but I’m not crazy.”
“Maybe a little crazy,” Vanessa said and showed me on her fingers how little she thought I was crazy.
“But if you want to go on a date, you can do that. Then, you can see if you really like Boone, and he can see if he really likes you. If not, you can go back to your life. No harm in a movie and dinner.”
“What’s happening in here?” Rowdy asked, suddenly at the door. “Mom told me to check on you.”
“We’re trying to talk Nova into giving poor Boone a chance. He’s super nice, right?”
“Sure. I mean, have I met nicer men? Of course. But Boone’s on the high end of nice.”
“You’re not helping.”
“I’m offering a male perspective,” Rowdy insisted and pushed his way past Ivy and into the bathroom.
“So, Nova, why don’t you like Boone? Is it his beard?
I could talk him into shaving it and maybe getting a haircut.
He seems solidly into you, so I think him changing everything about himself might be on the table. ”
“No,” I said, finding my voice. “I don’t want Boone to change. I’m just nervous.”
“Nervous about what?” Rowdy asked while he and Vanessa stared at me with the same expression. “Does your fear come from a sex thing? Because that issue might be above my pay grade. I could get our mom to talk to you about that.”
“I’ve only ever dated one guy, and I couldn’t really be myself.
I’m not sure Chris even liked me, and I was never really attracted to him.
I don’t know how to date someone as sexy as Boone,” I said as my panic hit a new level, causing my voice to get higher with every word.
“I don’t need anyone’s mom to talk to me.
I don’t need a male’s perspective. I don’t need anything. ”
“You’re freaking her out,” Vanessa muttered and shoved her brother past Ivy and out of the bathroom. Once the door was shut, she took me by my shoulders and gave me a little shake. “Snap out of the crazy. You’re safe.”
Ivy put her hand on Vanessa’s and grumbled, “Don’t shake her.”
“Don’t tell me what to do, Ivy. This isn’t my first rodeo with a chick flipping out over a romantic problem. I shook Lula like this a few times. No, maybe it was Sabrina.”
Ivy nudged Vanessa out of the way and took my hand. “Do you want to do the date idea? If you say yes, we can tell Boone, and you can relax. If you say no, we can tell Boone that you’re nervous. Then, you can relax. Just let us help you, so you can leave the bathroom.”
“Mama?” Skylar said and knocked on the door. “What’s happening? Are you crazy now?”
A laughing Vanessa opened the door to find Rowdy squatted next to my daughter, feeding her things to say.
“Dude,” Vanessa said and flicked her brother.
Rowdy shrugged. “I’m good with kids.”
Skylar looked up at him. “Can I have a cookie now?”
“Sure, kid. I pay my debts,” Rowdy said and left with Skylar.
I heard my daughters in the nearby kitchen with Rowdy, Bebe, and Dillon. I felt stupid hiding, but I couldn’t get my butt through the door.
“You like Boone,” Ivy said, regaining my focus. “A date will let you get to know him without all these people hovering around.”
“What if he doesn’t like me?”
“Oh, he likes you,” Vanessa said as she checked her appearance by peering over the much shorter Ivy. “I’ve never seen him like a woman before. It’s cute. I should take a picture.”
“Okay,” I blurted out, just wanting to stop talking and get myself under control. “A date sounds nice and normal.”
“Normal,” Vanessa murmured and nodded. “Life is all about embracing normal. So, will two days be enough for you to mentally prepare?”
“What about the girls?”
“My mom can watch them while you enjoy quality time with my handsome club brother,” Vanessa said, and I instantly tensed when she mentioned Boone’s good looks.
“Two days will work,” I said.
Vanessa startled me by throwing open the door and running away. I couldn’t imagine being so impulsive. I had been considering putting an Eddie Murphy face in Boone’s pocket for months. Nothing about me was impulsive.
Ivy watched me as we stood in the bathroom.
“I used to have so many fantasies in my head,” she explained.
“My real life was safe but dull. I dreamed of breaking free, but when I finally saw my chance to go wild, I got scared. I wasn’t sure who I really was outside of my head.
But I learned that failing isn’t the end of the world, especially not with these people.
No one expects you to be perfect or know all the answers.
There’ll be no judgment if you change your mind. ”
I realized my greatest fear wasn’t failing, but having others judge me. I grew up feeling like I let people down. Now, I feared I’d disappoint Boone.
And even more, I worried I’d let myself down. No man had ever interested me as Boone did. I had fantasized about him every day since we met. I had such big hopes for us. I wanted to be loved by him. My dreams felt almost reasonable.
But I knew I would mess up. I had brought out the worst in Chris. He wasn’t violent with most people. Though I understood that the violence was his fault, I felt like I triggered something in him. What if I did the same with Boone?
Shaking my head, I thought about Dan’s behavior when he met Lula. He didn’t act rationally. He raced to Little Memphis to see her. His behavior had seemed so odd to me.
My brother’s impulsive choices led him to find love with a good woman who was crazy about him. He remained fearless, even when Zodiac had given him attitude, and I panicked over his absence.
Despite how I’d spent over thirty minutes hiding in the bathroom, I chose to believe I could be as fearless as Dan.
Walking into the kitchen, I focused on Skylar and Lyric eating their cookies.
“I’m filling them up with sugar,” Rowdy said proudly. “They’ll be more fun for you that way.”
“That’s good parenting,” Vanessa told her brother, who nodded.
Unable to tell if they were teasing each other or totally serious, I focused on a departing motorcycle. Soon, Clint appeared and offered me a reassuring smile.
My stomach flipped at the idea of him talking to Boone about me. Everything was out in the open now. No more quiet daydreaming about a sexy biker sweeping me off my feet.
Before I could get excited about my upcoming date, Dan entered the house. His dark eyes zeroed in on me. I was a grown woman and a mother of two. I had survived a stressful childhood, an abusive husband, and a bullet to the back.
Yet, one look from my concerned brother nearly sent me running back to the bathroom.