Chapter 14 Laura #2
“Lisa!” Morgan screams. “You aren’t paying any attention at all, are you? I’ll fire you alright, fire you into the sun. If we lose this inquiry, it’ll be your fault.”
My fault.
My stomach, already as low as it can go, twists painfully. I bend nearly double, staring at white spots sparking in my sight.
Like camera flashes, the ones pointed at my dad, ten years ago. How those photos turned out, black and gray, hard shadows, plastered on all the newspapers. Blank. Hollow. Beaten down. Not my daddy at all.
He was a victim, crushed by the uncaring system.
My hands shake over my laptop keys. I can’t get enough air, something sucked it all out. I can’t breathe. I can’t let this happen again.
I’m failing all these victims. What if they can’t cope? What if they choose a way out, like Alice, like so many others?
My throat tightens, like the words I need get trapped on their course. I can’t get enough air, every inhale too shallow, too quick.
My fault. It presses in again, louder, harsher, until it fills every corner of me. I’m the reason. I’ll destroy this case. I’ll be the reason they’re destroyed, like my dad was.
And below it all, a churning dread sucking away at me.
It slams into me, sweeping me aside.
Dom falls to his knees in the center of my office.
“Law-rah,” he grates out. He swings his gaze up to meet mine, eyes bleached to a sickly gray, not a single flicker of violet left.
His hands squeeze either side of his head, pressing so hard his biceps shake.
As if to contain whatever’s going on inside.
‘Scared danger where is it? Where is threat?’ Nevare's mind roars through mine with the raging power of a storm surge, vast, cold, and hungry for a target.
The phone slips from my numb fingers.
What is this?
Dom surges forward and scoops me into his arms. I barely feel him, but he holds me mentally too, holding firm against the torrent of angry, swirling floodwaters. Dom holds me as the panic takes hold.
Nevare spins around us like a cyclone of fear and fury. Arik’s presence is silent, lost in the maelstrom.
‘No physical threat,’ Dom shouts into the void, aloud and in my mind. ‘We’re alive!’
‘Human terror. Threat against Law-rah?’ Nevare’s presence slams against my thoughts.
“It’s not a physical threat,” Dom repeats, his voice echoing in every direction.
He collapses forward, barely catching himself before crushing me. “Law-rah, it isn’t a physical threat,” he tells me, breath hot against my forehead. “You’re safe. You are with me.”
I hold on to his feel on his arms around me. Not a physical threat, no, but it sure feels like it. “I… I can’t,” I begin, gasping the words out.
Hard amethyst eyes meet mine. “Breathe with me, Law-rah. Breathe.”
He holds me steady in his arms. Mentally he calms Nevare, turning his head to track our surroundings. He’s being pulled in three directions, stretched so thin his pain echoes through me.
And I don’t know how to help him.
My limbs tingle, painfully reawakening, as if I’ve just returned to it. As Nevare’s rage quiets, Dom folds his arms around me, breathing hard, holding me close like I might vanish.
“Lisa!” a tiny voice screams, and I scrabble for my phone, hands shaking.
No. I can’t have another panic attack.
Hair in my face, heart thudding, I close my eyes for one beat and force calm into my voice. “Sorry, Morgan, bad signal.”
“You’ve shoved us in the shit, Lisa,” he growls. “We needed those summary documents. We turned up empty handed, like beggars on the street! And that’s where our clients will end up.”
Ice slices through me. No. Accu-Care can’t get off the hook because of me.
Dom’s warm hand lands on my shoulder. I focus on that. “Breathe. Nevare only panicked because you panicked,” Dom explains.
Shit. I can’t freak out. For them. For everyone.
“It won’t happen again,” I say smoothly, the words meant for both Morgan and the aliens.
“It better not,” Morgan snaps. “John and I will send you questions at the breaks and at lunch. Stand by to answer them the second they come in.” He hangs up.
I slump to the floor and Dom gathers me up, glaring at my cell as if it’s the phone’s fault. But I was the one who lost control of my emotions, who let myself freak out. I had a panic attack.
A pulse of pain throbs in the back of my head, like I’ve overstrained my eyes trying to read case files on my tablet late into the night. It’s probably from having interlopers inside my skull. As soon as I notice it, it’s whisked away, and Dom’s eyes tighten at the edges like he’s bracing himself.
“Did.. did you do that?” I ask, my voice hoarse.
“A good Base helps their Apex balance out extreme emotions and pain, yes.” He sits up, still holding me in his lap.
‘There, see? A new Apex,’ Arik says, a tinge of a tease there. But I can tell he’s as shaken as I am.
An Apex? Me? My body goes cold. “I’m not a powerful psychic, am I?”
“No,” Dom says. “Arik is being irreverent.”
Arik states, ‘But you do have Apex traits, such as broadcasting everything everywhere all at once. We suggest you learn to moderate them.’
“Do what to my who?”
‘You are shouting, esteemed female,’ Arik informs me.
“Which is fine,” Dom quickly assures me.
“No, it’s not fine.” So I’m basically screaming my deepest feelings at them, verbally and emotionally. Great.
Putting my phone on the floor, I turn to Dom. “How did this happen?”
He shakes his head. “I don't know. Your aura was everywhere, all over me, and I… I’m unaware of how this happened.”
“It must have been when we were playing last night,” I mutter. Damn and blast. I had the most mind blowing orgasm from the guy, and now he's in deeper than anyone has any right to be.
‘Mind blowing?’ he echoes, a tinge of orange touching his scales and a brief but genuine grin.
Argh. “Look, I value my privacy very highly. You're the first partner to even come to my apartment, so I'm already stretching some of my absolute no-no’s for you. We need to get this fixed, today.”
All traces of his earlier pride fall away, shoulders rounding. “I don't know if I can. How mind sync’s are formed, how they are broken, it's not something Parthiastocks are taught. I recall how the bond developed between Nevare, Arik and I. It was instinctive, immediate.”
I rub the bridge of my nose, forcing my hands not to shake. It’s just shock. That’s all. “I need to get in contact with my colleague, but… bombast scuts, this is a pretty pickle.”
“I can teach you to modulate your broadcasts. There are… not laws, not quite regulations governing mind sync’d sendings, but I don't know the word. Rules?”
There’s a mind soup sensation of him trying out different words to see how they fit what he’s trying to say. It’s… not entirely unpleasant, more like overhearing a conversation at the table next to mine in a busy restaurant. Nosy, but not intrusive.
“Conventions, or etiquette, we might say,” I explain.
His eager smile makes my breath catch. “Yes, indeed, those. I can teach you, and Nevare and Arik will of course respect them.” He says the last bit rather firmly.
‘Of course we will.’ Arik sounds offended.
‘What are we doing?’ Nevare asks, only just now refocusing on the conversation.
With a low breath, Dom states, ‘We are respecting our female’s privacy. Do not explore this mind sync link, Nevare.’
‘But she’s constantly sending data and color over, it’ll be hard to ignore.’
Oh, fuck. I grab handfuls of my hair and hunch down over my knees, as if that will help. But it won’t, because this is something I don't understand.
“Law-rah.” Dom's spoken voice resonates up my back. A whisper of reassurance and solidarity, like someone placing a cup of strong coffee next to me while I'm in the middle of a three hour meeting.
I take a deep inhale, breathing in his grassy fresh scent. My voice comes out muffled against my hands when I ask, “I also need to stay calm for Nevare, right?”
“Yes. That is deeply important.” Dom’s arms tighten around me. “Nevare can't regulate his emotions easily, and Arik and I as his Bases help him. Strong feelings should be contained where possible. They will… disturb Nevare.”
An image forms in my mind of the purple alien holding his head like I am, tugging at his short hair and rocking. Poor guy.
I have to stay in complete control, even when my world is falling apart.
Well. I’ve done it once, I can do it again. I shut my eyes, pulling my feelings deep inside. I am in charge.
I am.