Chapter 18
EIGHTEEN
DOM
Nevare isn't listening to me. He's in position to allow Law-rah to direct him, fully out of Arik and my control. But she's never done this before, and she's a human. Guiding psychic energies is hard, impossible under emotional duress, and I don't know what trying will do to her.
‘This enemy is not one we are authorized to deal with,’ I try, but Nevare doesn't hear me.
He's caught up in Law-rah’s panic, which batters at me like a sandstorm, stinging and choking.
Arik screams as he sinks under the onslaught.
Underneath lurk the gray-blue spikes, turning inward and piercing her right to her core.
She’s in so much pain.
Dropping the chains and ripping off the blindfold, I stand and put my arms around her, pressing my forehead to hers, ignoring the squalls of the despicable male in the device in her tense hands. ‘Law-rah. You are physically safe. I won’t let anything hurt you. You have to breathe.’
She takes a single inhale, then another, and buries her head into the crook of my arm. ‘Dom, I… I…’ Her upper thoughts get subsumed by deeper ones. ‘FRIGHTENED. LOST. ALONE.’ She flinches back from me, as if she can’t stand being near me, but I tighten my grip.
Mentally, I lift her up and over the maelstrom. It slashes and burns, attacking me from every side, the spikes digging in under my skin. ‘FAILURE. WEAK. STUPID. USELESS.’
The strength of it makes me waver. I am stupid, and weak. And if I can’t help Nevare and Law-rah, then I’ve failed, and I’m useless.
But I only hesitate for a moment.
“You are not any of these,” I say patiently, a mantra to drown out the ceaseless noise poisoning us both. “You’re strong, and kind, and considerate. You’re accomplished, and celebrated, and a wonder. You’re Law-rah.”
Her tiny mental form curls in on itself, then gets bigger. Good.
Quickly she slips out of my mental grasp and away. I try to reach after her and slam into a strong shield. She’s locked herself down, the way I told her.
But it leaves Nevare without a guide.
Drok na.
I grab him with everything I am through the mind-sync, but it’s not enough. Arik’s out, I’m the only Base, and I’m a poor psychic compared to Nevare.
Power spills from him, ripping across the sky. Law-rah feels it, shuddering, and it snaps us back to our physical bodies.
I check she’s physically fine, set her on her feet, and bolt.
Fields blur past in streaks of green and churned-up brown. Mud sucks at my boots, slowing me down. The link roars again, wild pulses like electromagnetic surges. My Apex broadcasts panic, power, pain. The wind stings my eyes as I run, faster, harder, until the air tastes of metal and my lungs burn.
I crest the last rise before the swimming lake.
Gouges in the earth suggest something massive tore through here, nearby trees leaning as if blown back by a hurricane.
In the center of it all: Nevare. He lays on his side, purple scales shot through with bruised, shimmering indigo, chest barely rising.
Arik’s eyes are white-hot with stress and locked on Ilia, standing off to one side.
Ilia lowers the tranquilizer, hands tense around it. Arture stares at Nevare’s fallen form, backing away as I sprint in, keeping his distance from the wreckage of the storm which just broke loose inside him.
Because of me.
I skid to a halt and get to my knees beside him, my hearts pounding. “He’s not going nova. This was one slip up. I was distracted, and Arik was… was….”
I can’t reveal Arik’s lack of ability. Squeezing my eyes shut, I shove all the heavy secrets I’m carrying into my own locked room: a cell in a Euthanization Center, cold, clinical, with a garroting station right in front of me. Reminding me of the price of failure.
All eyes swing to me. Ilia’s gaze sharpens, measuring. The air smells like damp and fear and ozone.
“It was my fault,” I say.
Arik’s head snaps toward me, scales flickering. Dark violet creeps over my limbs in response.
“What happened?” Ilia rasps. As if he’s been shouting.
“He—he felt something unexpected through the link. It hit too fast. I didn’t shield him enough. It’s my failure.”
Nevare doesn’t move. My chest tightens.
Ilia walks closer, careful steps. “And is everything… well, Dom?”
He avoids saying it, but I hear what’s under his question. Is Nevare safe? Are you hiding something worse? Are you able to protect your Apex and us?
“Yes.” I nod. “Nevare… will recover, and I won’t fail again.” I let my eyes linger on Arik’s still form, then back to Ilia. “I will focus on his recuperation, then turn myself over for punishment.”
“There’s no need for that,” Ilia rumbles.
But there is. I shouldn’t be sneaking away. My responsibilities are here, and they’re more urgent than ever. Which means I need release.
We have to get her out of the mind-sync, even if it means leaving her locked alone in her head. Where those horrible spikes are, always pressing in, threatening her mental equilibrium.
No. Nevare has to be my responsibility. If I slip again and let Law-rah’s emotions drag on the mind-sync, Nevare could shatter, like he nearly did just now.
I am his anchor. His shield. If I fail, I don’t just fail my purpose. I break him.
Squeezing his limp hand sends me straight back to meeting them for the first time.
First, Bases are introduced. I was certain I’d form a mind-sync the moment I encountered an Apex, and I was so sure I’d be able to form a stable connection even without another Base.
Older Bases milled on the edges, scorned for their lack of success, but I found myself approaching one of them.
It was Arik’s last chance to form a mind-sync and be useful.
One final shot. The older Base had already given up, but there was something about his milder, gentler psychic power that called to me.
I was standing near him when they let the Apexes in: younger, smaller, their mental landscapes bright and loud. I’d only been raised with Bases; meeting Nevare was like seeing in a new spectrum of color.
And all three of us snapped together, with Nevare in the center.
I pull his limp hand closer to my hearts. “I’ll stay close to my Apex,” I say. “He won’t slip again.”
Ilia’s brow lifts. “Stay clear of the humans for now. I’m glad he didn’t do this in the courtyard, where El-len and Law-rah or their property might have been at risk.”
As he turns away to survey the damage to the lake, Nevare's head lifts toward me, groggy. A low, private pulse threads down our bond. ‘Law-rah?’
I keep my face neutral. Say nothing.
Because if he digs deeper and finds Law-rah in my thoughts, if he sees what she’s starting to mean to me, I really will lose him.
Nevare grimaces. “Am I going nova?”
“No, you had a mild episode,” Arik says, smile back in place as he hunkers next to us. “Just a teeny one.”
He shudders. “It was all… and I… there were… it was too much.”
I rub his back, murmuring, “It won’t happen again.”
‘You can’t promise that,’ Arik sends to me. ‘You’re right, you win, you’re the strongest. Without you, I can’t control Nevare.’
“No. You can,” I say out loud. “This wouldn’t be so bad if…” ‘Law-rah wasn’t part of the mind-sync.’
We can all feel her. A pulse of sadness, cold and alone in the abandoned stone farmhouse. And then it seals away from us as she shields.
‘At least she’s getting better at that,’ Arik allows.
Law-rah’s new ability should have made me content, a suitable temporary solution while we disentangle the mind-sync.
But it means Law-rah is cast out, alone.
‘She’s used to being alone in her head. She’s not used to sharing her thoughts with another,’ Arik reminds me. ‘This is scary for her, as scary as us being isolated would be.’
‘But not having intimacy with anyone, not trusting another to see inside you, is…sad.’ I say. ‘She’s afraid, but of what?’
‘Of us,’ Nevare says, thoughts tinged with gray misery.
I look back toward the farmhouse I ran from, leaving her, abandoning her. ‘She’s locking herself away.’
Arik touches my shoulder. ‘Although I empathize with her, need I remind you, she’s not our true Apex. Nevare is. Perhaps… helping her build that shield is for the best.’
Everything in me revolts, except… he’s right.
The veralash was more effective at quickly centering me without risk to Nevare, no matter if I get equilibrium from our togetherness.
The bond is destabilizing. This is evidence.
My feelings come second to Nevare and Arik, always, so separating is what’s best for Nevare.
But not best for Law-rah.
Once I help Nevare limp to the lean-to, he sleeps.
His section of the shelter has been customized by Arra-bellah to have a great deal of shelves and cubbies for placing small objects which fascinate him.
I expect Shade to crawl out of one any moment now, but they're inside the house, where Law-rah left them.
“I'll stay with him,” Arik says. “He'll need to recuperate; he won't be able to summon more than I can handle.”
I nod. In theory, Nevare could channel a great deal of energy, transmuting it from bonds surrounding us, but it would break materials apart in its wake.
Arik nudges me. “Return to Law-rah and retrieve her from the farmhouse. Then you must work on severing the mind-sync connection.”
“But how?”
“How did it form? We are the only experts on Parthiastock bonds. You'll have to investigate and repeat those actions.”
My scales heat, recalling Law-rah's golden aura cascading over my hands.
Arik scowls, no doubt feeling my selfish desire. That's what got us into this predicament.
I prepare to run back to the abandoned farmhouse buildings when Law-rah's red car comes up the long lane to the main house. I sprint to meet her, but she doesn't look at me.
Useless, I stand in the courtyard, flexing my hands, waiting for her to be ready to speak to me. It's odd, now that I cannot hear her steady stream in my head. The silence makes my breathing seem louder.
She leaves her car, doing a quick head turn. “Anyone around?”
“No. Ilia and Arture are repairing the damage to the lake. I'll join them soon.”
She cranes her neck to look around me. “How's Nevare?”
“He's suboptimal, but with rest he'll return to full function.” I drop my gaze. “We… we cannot allow that to happen again.”
“What exactly did happen?”
I swallow hard, searching for words to explain. “Your sudden surge of emotion drew his attention. He reacted to a perceived threat.”
“Hm. Well, that won't be a problem going forward, now that I can shield, and when we figure this out it won't be an issue ever again.”
I nod, still staring at her pointed shoes.
One starts tapping. “We'll need to continue the experiments, at least one a day once I'm off my period. We'll use the machine shed when everyone's gone to sleep.”
I lift my head. “Won't you be tired?”
She folds her arms, looking away from me. “I'll cope. We'll just have to figure this out quick.” She runs a hand through her hair. It's mussed, so unlike Law-rah as I've seen her before. Her lip paint is smudged, her eyes hollow.
It feels… intimate, to see her this way. Her true emotions on display, even if they are tiredness, irritation and grief.
But she's right. We have to do what we can to break this mind-sync between us.
Whatever the cost.