Chapter 21 Mila
MILA
Imake it to the bathroom with about two seconds to spare before everything comes up.
My knees hit the tile and my hands grip the rim, and I heave until there's nothing left and then I heave again, my stomach clenching around emptiness.
The vomiting has happened three times today, and it's been going on for a few days now.
I'm not sure what I've picked up, but for the first time in my life, I'm grateful I'm throwing up and unable to serve Roman and his "guests" tonight.
Sofi's voice floats down the hallway while I'm still on my knees. It's muffled and quiet, but it's honestly going to make me vomit again. "Can you imagine? Two wives—two of us at once. He wouldn't even know what to do with himself."
"He'd know exactly what to do," Sabine says, and they both laugh together.
It's disgusting and makes my skin crawl.
It's bad enough to think of Roman walking down the aisle with one of them, but to picture the three of them together in bed is so perverted, I may just walk out of this house and never come back.
I flush and sit back on my heels and press the back of my hand against my forehead. I can't go out there and carry trays and pour wine and smile while they talk about fucking him together as if he's a prize they've already split between them. I won't.
I rinse my mouth at the sink and splash water on my face then walk to my room and close the door and get into bed.
At least this time, it's not jealousy I'm feeling.
It's something far worse than that. It makes me feel so numb, I can only stare at the wall and listen every now and then to the hideous cackling I hear and wonder what propositions they're offering him and whether he'll actually take them up on it.
When the nausea doesn’t leave, I manage to roll to my side and sip water, but it's bad now. Whatever I've come down with, it's the worst flu or virus I've ever had. I've never been so sick for so long. But at least I'm not feverish to make things worse.
Then someone knocks on the door and I grunt, "Yeah?" The door opens, revealing Sorin shuffling in with a tray and a look of concern. She pouts and frowns, then walks over to me.
"Rebecca said you ran off looking green.
" She sets the tray on the nightstand. "I've brought some broth and some rice too.
Bland things help a sick belly." Her hand presses against my forehead, but she won't feel a temperature.
My body is fighting this silently, though maybe that's why it's so bad if my immune system isn't really kicking in like it should.
"Thank you." I sit up against the headboard and take the cup of broth and sip it carefully. "I don't think I can eat." Just thinking of eating makes my stomach turn more, though Sofi and Sabine's presence is doing a good job of that too.
"Small sips. It'll settle your stomach." She watches me for a moment, her head tilted slightly.
"How long have you been sick?" Sorin sits, perching on the edge of my bed and smoothing the comforter out across my legs.
Her motherly ways usually come out in the kitchen as she tries to teach me a new recipe or two.
Right now, I feel comforted by her taking interest in me.
My own mother never got the chance, and Vera never showed a caring bone in her body.
"A few days," I say, trying to think. It'd been a while, which made me wonder how I'd managed to get away with no fever or body aches like normal.
"How many days, Mila?"
I look at the mug in my hand. "About a week or so… Seems to happen around this time too." Yesterday, it wasn’t as bad, and I thought I was finally getting better.
"Every evening?"
"Every evening, yes… I'm sure it will pass. Just a virus or something." The broth is warm and salty, and it soothes the ache at the back of my throat from the bile that seems to burn every time I throw up.
Sorin folds her hands in her lap and goes quiet. When she looks back at me, she looks cautious and concerned again. "Is there any chance you could be pregnant?"
The question seems so off the wall, I chuckle.
"No, not at all," I tell her, but then my throat constricts as I think about the first time I slept with Roman, over a month ago now, not long after I came to live here.
He's the only man I've ever slept with, and I never thought about using protection or having birth control.
I was lost in the moment, maybe a little too lost.
And now I'm sick, and of course that makes sense. Dread bubbles up in my chest, making the nausea worse, but I swallow it down and sip the broth again. Oh, God, if I'm pregnant, what will Roman do then? And how will that affect his plan to marry one of the evil stepsisters?
"There was someone," I say, wincing. "It's possible." Shame grips me, making it hard to swallow now. I set the mug down so she doesn’t see my hands shaking and try not to let it show on my face either. How would Sorin and Rebecca react to knowing I’ve slept with their boss?
Sara is just a child, really. She probably wouldn't think twice about it, but these older women would judge me.
Sorin's whole face changes. Her eyes go warm and a smile pulls at the corner of her mouth and she reaches for my hand. "Oh, Mila—"
"Don't." I pull my hand back. "Don't be happy about it, please."
"Why not?" Sorin sits straighter now, looking confused. Her posture has changed too, to defensiveness.
"Because even if I wanted a baby with him, I can't have him." I set the water on the nightstand and press my palms over my eyes. "He's going to marry someone else, Sorin." Tears burn at my eyes, but with my hands pressing into my eye sockets, they can't escape.
I don't know if I want to have Roman's baby, but I do know that I don't want him to marry one of Vera's daughters.
Not for power or money, and definitely not for love.
My heart is all confused and messed up and I know I have such strong feelings for him.
But I can't tell him. And I definitely can’t have his child, not if he's marrying someone else.
"You don't know that for sure, do you? When did you last speak to this man?"
Ignoring her question, I spit, "I do know that. He told me as much." I bite back the full truth because she can't know it's Roman. I know how loyal she is. She'd just go tell him. So I lie. "It's why I'm here. Okay? It's why I left that place."
Sorin's head drops as she nods and folds the apron corner over in her hand. Her shoulders slump slightly and I hear her sigh. "I'm sorry," she says. "That's a terrible place to be."
"Yeah, well what can I do?" I ask the question rhetorically.
I don't need an answer, because even if I am pregnant, there's nothing I could do.
I've made my bed and I have to lie in it.
The possibility makes my rational brain start planning for every possibility.
I don't have any money to run, but maybe I could get one of my father's men to give me some? I could do it in exchange for a release of my inheritance to them. They’ll run the business well, and I could vanish. It's an option.
"I can send Roman's doctor in. He's discreet and he could—"
"No. No doctor." My blood runs cold. Roman's doctor means Roman will know, and I can't have that.
"What would he say? What if he thinks I'm too fragile to do my job and makes me go back to washing toilets?
So no…" I suck in a breath and blow it out slowly.
"Besides, if it's a false alarm and it's just the flu, he'll get all worked up for nothing. "
Sorin doesn't look happy about my wanting to keep a secret, but I can see that she respects my choice, for now. "Then what do you need?"
"Well, first of all, I need a friend." I lift my eyebrows and let my eyes plead with her. "Don't tell anyone, okay? This is sort of scary for me. I don't want anyone to know until I'm ready to tell them. And then I need a pregnancy test. I don't want to be worried and worked up if it's nothing."
Sorin presses her lips into a line, and I watch the conflict work through her. She cares about me but she answers to Roman, and keeping secrets from the man who runs this house goes against every instinct she has. I'm sure he has some rule about knowing everything that goes on under his roof.
"I don't feel right keeping this from him," she says.
"There's nothing to keep from him yet. If the test is negative, then there's no secret and no reason to have gotten him involved in the first place.
And if it's positive—" The nausea surges, and I press the back of my hand against my mouth and breathe through it until it passes.
"If it's positive, I'll deal with it then. But I need to know first. Please."
Sorin huffs out a sigh through her nose and scowls at me.
She's really not pleased, but she stands slowly and with her head hanging, she says, "I'll be back within the hour…
But if it's positive, we have to tell him.
You need someone to care for you, and he will be furious if he knows I'm keeping a secret.
" She squeezes my shoulder on her way out and pulls the door closed behind her.
I pull my knees to my chest and bury my face in my knees.
Of all the things that could've happened, this is the one I wasn't ready for. How could I be so stupid? How could I let this happen? And what will Vera say when she finds out?