Chapter 1
Two Lines
Aurora
“Aurora! The my ray of sunshine, what in the ever-loving-hell was that?”
I wince as my trainer’s voice snaps at me, the sharp, frustrated tone carrying all the way from across the entire rink as my blades hit the ice after a spectacularly awful jump.
Stella Gray—also known as terminator, ice general, skating ward, and more along those lines—always snaps and yells and demands perfection that is out of this world, but today I can’t blame her for wanting to kill me. I’ve messed up my routine more times than I can count.
“Ouch, I don’t envy you right now,” my best friend Electra winces next to me as she stretches to start her practice.
She knows as well as I do that our trainer is about to hand it to me big time.
Because she, like me, was taken in by Stella Gray at a young age and proceeded to make figure skating stars from us.
And when I say, taken in, I mean that literally.
Neither Electra nor I had anywhere to go. Two broken girls, with broken lives and a one-way ticket to success.
Success I’m allowing to slip through my hands right now.
“Care to enlighten me what’s filling that head of yours today?” Stella asks, her brown hair in a no-nonsense bob swaying over her shoulders as she taps her foot on the ice, watching me skate over to her with a matching no-nonsense expression on her face.
“I’m sorry, I know that was bad.” I wince again.
“Bad?” If not for that perfectly pointed, arched brow of hers that displays her irritation, you’d think she was an angel based on her nonchalant tone.
She’s not. “No, that wasn’t bad at all.” She keeps on in that same tone, and I brace, knowing the next part will be yelled out so loud, the ice I’m standing on will shake.
“IF YOU ARE LOOKING TO BECOME AN ICE SWEEPER!”
Yep, there it is.
Inhaling a deep, steadying breath, Stella closes her eyes, pinching the bridge of her nose with her fingers.
“Aurora, you very well know that Filip Masso has his eye on both you and Electra. And this weekend he’s coming to audition you.
This is it! This is your time to shine! But all I see is a flop after flop!
You know better! I trained you better! So, I repeat, what’s filling your head today?
And ice gods help you if it’s anything other than getting a spot at Filip’s Olympic skating program. ”
So, where do I find those ice gods, because Filip Masso’s Olympic training center is the last thing I have on my mind today.
After years and years of spilling sweat and blood into ice skating, dreaming of the day I’d get to represent my country on a world stage—a dream that was a reality and I could practically feel it with the tips of my fingers—it was all but slipping into nothing.
And I’d be as angry at myself for that as Stella is, if a whole other feeling hadn’t completely taken over my heart, brain, soul, and every inch of my body.
A feeling that was born this morning. In my tiny bathroom with tiles so old, the dirt now a part of the design no matter how much I scrub them, peeling linoleum floors that were there before I was born, and the mirror that is one crack away from completely shattering.
The same mirror I kept staring at as I waited for the longest three minutes of my life to pass.
I had to know.
I had to make sure.
Because missing a period here and there isn’t out of the norm for me, especially since my irregular diet, grueling ice-skating practices, and stress are my norm and all affected my hormones. But missing it for three months straight is anything but normal.
After spending another week in complete denial, I finally caved and bought the test.
The one that is burning a hole inside both my head and my bag in the locker room, with two bright pink lines on it.
“Is it Aaron again?” Stella asks quietly, and for the first time in my life, I wish I could say I’ve been out of it because of my brother’s antics. Because as bad as the stuff he gets himself and me by association into is nothing compared to the whole life growing inside me right now.
The life that was unexpected and unplanned by either myself or my boyfriend, Joey.
I shake my head, “No, it’s not Aaron.”
“Well, thank God for small miracles,” Stella huffs. “Is it Seth?”
I shake my head again. “No, Dad is still doing all right.” My father had been diagnosed with Huntington’s disease five years ago and despite his slowly deteriorating state, he is still doing good. All things considered. And all the meds Aaron manages to steal from him.
“So?”
“So?” I parrot, chewing out those two letters slowly as if I have no idea what we’re talking about here.
“Don’t be cute with me, Rory. Spill.” Stella Gray is a no-nonsense kind of woman and God forbid she shows you that soft heart of hers she holds under lock and key from her stern iron-clad personality. But she has one, despite many not believing it.
I am one of a very few people lucky enough to know about it, and it makes this situation all the harder.
Not ready to admit the truth to her—or myself—I swallow and shake my head, looking down at the ice to avoid her eyes. I’m not ready to see the disappointment in them. And not just as my trainer because Stella has never been just a trainer.
She’s my savior. The only one to believe in me when everyone around simply forgot I existed or desperately wished for that.
“Fine.” Her tone is as sharp as a whip, and I know I’ve deserved it. “Run the routine again.”
Without any other comments, I do it again and again, messing up each time worse than the one before, until Stella’s had enough. She benches me and walks away to oversee Electra’s routine without asking what’s wrong again.
She knows I’ll come when I’m ready, just like I know she’ll be waiting for me to be ready.
It’s kind of a game we started playing back when I was just a child. I saw her skating out on the Iris Lake one day when I was about five years old, hiding all over the town from my older brother who was determined to ruin my life since the day I was born.
If Dad wasn’t home, I knew I better not be either, or Aaron would make me regret it. So, I was simply planning to hide like I always did, dream of a life where I had pretty clothes, some candies, and a mom…
But instead of those ridiculous dreams I knew better than to have, I fell in love with ice skating just by watching the pretty woman on the ice.
That was the day Stella Gray handed me the keys to my future, my dream—and I never wasted a single second in opening door after door ever since, walking straight to the biggest thing there was.
That was until this morning.
Because now I have to make a decision I’m not sure I’m ready for, and what about Joey…God, I have to tell him as well. How is he going to feel about being a dad at nineteen?
My head falls to my hands as I brace them on my knees.
No, my head is not on the ice today.
“It’s good to see you, Aurora,” my gynecologist, Dr. Filipa, says as she walks into the exam room I was waiting in.
As soon as those two lines appeared this morning, I called to see her before I went and scared everyone for no reason. Maybe that test was a false positive?
And…and if it isn’t…I need to know my options. I need to have them all. Not for the first time, I wish I’d have told Stella or Electra about this. I could use their support right about now as I’m about to lose it.
But I didn’t want to bother them for no reason. I hate asking for help when I know I can do it all myself. I hate being a burden. Always have.
“Hi,” I say with a strained smile.
“How are you doing?”
“Nervous.”
She smiles kindly at my short response. “Then I won’t beat around the bush. You are definitely pregnant.”
I blink. Pregnant…
The world-changing word falls so easily from her lips, as if all its weight is saved just for me.
All air gets trapped inside my lungs, the blood inside my veins freezes, and there are some black spots dancing around my vision.
Up to this point, I could tell myself it was all a joke. That it wasn’t true and the test lied. Or that maybe it was just a false positive. I could. But not anymore and now…now I don’t know what I should be telling myself.
“Are you okay, honey? Come on, lie down.” She helps me down to the cot and brings me water that does nothing to elevate the dryness in my throat.
“Um, can you tell me what are my options?”
“Options?”
“Like…for abortion?” I swallow hard, unable to meet her eyes because everything about it feels wrong, yet a possibility, right?
“Yes, that option is available, as is adoption after the baby is born, but before we go there, let’s take a look so we can determine how far along you are.”
“Okay.” I nod mindlessly, because every inch of my mouth feels like it was rubbed raw with sandpaper. She brings out the machine, squirting jelly on a wand looking thing right before it enters me.
I don’t notice the pinch of pain or discomfort Dr. Filipa warns me about. My eyes are fixed in the white ceiling above, all her words are swallowed up by the much louder mess inside my own head.
God, this wasn’t the plan. My life wasn’t supposed to go this way. I wasn’t supposed to step on the same beaten, broken path my parents walked when they were my age.
I never planned to carry on that family legacy.
I want to build my own, with a bright future of a figure skater.
I want to be someone in this life before I brought kids into it.
I’ve worked tirelessly to be where I am today.
To be the national champion, to have all those awards and medals hidden under a loose board in the floor under my bed.
I need to be able to not hide those things before I had kids.
And I was doing so well, building it brick by brick.
No, now was not the time for this. I had to turn to those other options. I had to—
Thump-thump, thump-thump, thump-thump. The relentless speedy beat suddenly filled the exam room, each new thump slamming hard against the walls of my heart, breaking them. Splitting them and turning into a crumbled mess.
The force so strong, I’m unable to resist it. It’s pulling me, calling my name, pleading…my head turns, my eyes lock on the black and white screen in front of me.
Dr. Filipa is saying something, but once again I can’t hear her, but now it’s not because of the mess in my head.
It’s because all I see is the tiny bean curled inside me. Tiny and fragile, yet so strong. So…mine.
A shuddering breath fills my dry throat as a lone tear slides down my cheek.
“So, now that we know you’re thirteen weeks along, we can discuss all the options you have…”
Her words fade away.
Everything fades away because I already know there’s only one option left. And not the one my own mother chose.
My baby…that’s my baby. My little bean. All mine.
Aurora: Can you meet me tomorrow morning at the park? I need to tell you something!
Electra: Sure! Is it something serious? You sound off.
Aurora: No, no! It’s not, I just need some advice.
Electra: You know you can come over now?
Aurora: Can’t. Dad’s not feeling great tonight.
Electra: Oh no! I can be there in ten to help?
Aurora: No, don’t worry. I’ve got this.
Electra: Sure?
Aurora: Yes. I’ll see you tomorrow morning?
Electra: I’ll be there.