Chapter 16 #2
“By whom, the great scientists who turned you into a freak?” Immediately, I regretted my harsh words.
They were callous and cruel. “I didn’t mean that.
That was… horrible.” The ache in my system wasn’t completely about being a punching bag for the rapist or the bruises already forming on my arms and legs from his savagery.
I always had the same reaction around Rage. Especially when he wasn’t wearing a shirt. The fact the man was ripped should be shoved aside, but that wasn’t possible.
“I assure you that I’ve been called worse.
To answer your question, yes. We had a psychiatrist on staff to help with panic attacks.
If you believe that because certain aspects of our physicality were altered our emotions and fears were erased, you would be wrong.
We are the same people we were before entering the program.
If anything, our anxieties are even worse. ”
When he lifted his arm, he noticed I cringed, but not because he was trying to offer physical comfort. Because the monster who’d attacked me had provided a reminder that I couldn’t protect those I loved or even myself. At least not all alone.
He curled his fingers, starting to pull his hand away, but I refused to allow him. When I pulled his hand to my face, he was surprised. His facial features were tight, his eyes hosting uncertainty. With a deep breath, he relaxed his hand before stroking my face.
“I wanted to rip the bastard apart who hurt you.”
The unexpected tenderness cut through his gruff tone, allowing me another glance into his complex emotions. “I think you already did.”
His slight huff was followed with his upper lip twitching.
“You’re not wearing a shirt. Why?”
“I didn’t think you’d want to wake up to gore covering the one I was wearing. I didn’t have time to find another.” The stroke of his thumb across my cheek created continuous quivers.
The swoon I’d felt before was still there, a crackle of electricity that I would continue to fight.
Yes, sex with him was awesome, but I had no intention of continuing the practice.
I’d get too used to craving and being satisfied.
My body longed to betray me, the prickles of heat turning up the volume of the warnings my inner voice was providing.
I wanted to fight the feelings but felt weaker than I’d originally thought. How odd that my reactions were based on the dream and not the battle. I’d been through much worse, including with being sexually abused. Only every other time I’d been the one to stop the madness.
Not required to have a savior.
A hero.
Like…
“My mother.” I looked away, trying desperately to remember everything about the dream, including what she’d told me about… “Eden.”
“What?”
My grip on his arms tightened as a sickening yet exciting realization hit me. “I dreamt about my birth mother and she mentioned I’d find Eden one day as long as I was brave. She was reading me a story.”
His chest rose and fell, no doubt struggling with the craziness of what had slipped from my mouth. I wasn’t certain I hadn’t been and still wasn’t delirious. There was no such place.
“Dreams are sometimes metaphors. They offer themselves as guides. They can also answer questions.”
The complexity of the man was still annoying, but also attractive in a way that surprised me as much as the rest of him.
“Wren,” I gasped, pulling away. “Where is Wren?”
“I don’t know. She wasn’t here when I brought you into the room.”
“Oh, my God. You didn’t see Jake either?”
He stood to his full height, tensing as much as I was doing. “No. My concern was ensuring you were alright.”
“Oh, my God.” I just realized I was in a tank top, panties and nothing else. There was no time to ask why my clothes had been removed and who’d done so. I had a terrible feeling about Wren. As soon as I tried to move around him, I hit a brick wall again with my feet becoming tangled.
“Careful, princess. We’ll find her.”
I pushed him, not hard enough to budge a man built of steel, but he obliged anyway. “Just let me do this. I don’t need you any longer, Rage. I appreciate what you did, but that little girl is… She was sent to me. I know it. I’m supposed to protect her.”
“We will protect her, Star.”
Angels of Destiny. As noted in the prophecy.
He didn’t say anything nor did he try to stop me, but I sensed he was determined to remain my shadow. Maybe that was exactly what I needed.
As soon as I was dressed, I bolted into the hallway, still somewhat disoriented.
The confusion about my feelings had never been an issue before. I loved my parents, but as with everyone I’d ever met, my mind had been prepared for loss. That was the only way of mental and emotional survival. Doing so had formed protective layers, usually impenetrable.
But the moment Wren had appeared with Jake, evidently the barrier had been cracked if not ripped to shreds altogether. I had no intention of trying to ascertain my feelings for the hulking mass of a man. I had to concentrate on finding Wren.
I moved through the dimly lit corridor, wondering what time it was. Evidently still at night, which was why no one was moving. Sprinting forward, I didn’t care any longer if Rage was following me. If what I suspected had occurred, I’d have my hands full.
If it wasn’t already too late.
The heavy pounding in my chest only expanded as soon as I reached the doorway to the clinic. A surreal scene greeted me, the glow light over my mother’s bed the same, yet there was a more ominous hue. Or maybe I was just imagining a golden glow indicating she’d moved on.
I had to force myself to move closer, hating the fact that my vision was still foggy.
A jangle of something. Now, ears flapping.
Jake appeared out of nowhere, offering a single woof.
Wren. She was here.
“Uh-heh. Uh-heh. Uh-heh.”
The rattled, soft breathing whispered in my ear, the light gasp indicating heavy difficulty breathing.
A quick look at my mother and I realized she was sleeping peacefully.
Even her color was better, a light flush on her cheeks where there’d been none before.
Her condition was improving. How was that possible? Oh, no. Wren.
No. No. No!
I rushed to the other side of the bed and almost fell to my knees.
“Wren. Oh, Wren.” I fell to the floor, a single wail impossible to shut down.
As I gathered her shaking body into my arms, the emotions I’d tried very hard to avoid eviscerated me.
I crushed her against my chest, rocking her little body.
Her arms slumped to the sides, her panting even heavier than before.
Woof. Woof.
Jake was by my side, resting his head on my leg.
I scooted so my back was against the wall, shifting her little legs so she was more comfortable.
“What’s going on?” my father asked after appearing in the doorway.
I peered up at Rage, shaking my head. In my mind, I was begging him to help. “She tried… to heal… Mama. She used her… healing abilities.” I hiccupped, desperate to fix the little girl.
“What?” Daddy moved closer. “She wasn’t here when I left. Oh, my God.”
“Check on Mother,” I told him.
He moved toward the bed while I kept my eyes locked on Rage. He crouched down beside me, rubbing hair from his face and placing his palm on her forehead.
“She’s burning up. Her body is fighting the disease.”
“I’ll get Maggie.”
Maggie had been a nurse practitioner who’d won the lottery and we’d been lucky enough to have her in our community from almost the beginning. She was amazing but wouldn’t be able to fix this.
“Let’s get her into a bed.” While I didn’t want Wren to be taken from me, I allowed Rage to guide me to my feet.
I was completely numb inside, uncertain if I’d ever allow myself to feel anything again. Doing so was far too painful. She was so frail, so helpless yet so hardheaded, just like I’d always been.
The empty bed seemed too large for her tiny body, but I eased her down, realizing I should feel grateful we were in a secure environment that contained a medical facility.
Maggie had been so knowledgeable with almost every malady, including my mother’s cancer.
She’d also been the voice of reason even when one of our community members hadn’t wanted to let one of our own to fade into the light.
That’s what someone had called dying, another futile attempt at grabbing a moment of hope.
Just before their body was burned in a ceremonial yet barbaric ceremony. When there was the time, the inclination, and a safe location.
Often, the bodies were simply dumped somewhere to rot, much like the decaying corpses in the City of Lights. I shuddered from the series of horrible thoughts.
“She is fighting as does every healer.” Rage’s voice held a spin of knowledge.
Jake placed his paws onto the bed, his mournful cry an indication of how tight a bond could be with humans and animals.
That’s why my mother and father… my birth parents had given me my Jake as a gift. I’d been taught pets were luxuries, so many species either taken to the brink of extinction by the aftereffects of the war or their DNA altered to such a degree they’d become vicious.
But as I’d learned later, there was a black market for everything under the sun. The dream continued ravaging portions of my mind, bitter memories that came in waves but more than I’d experienced before. At least I had an intact vision of the woman who’d given birth to me.
How fascinating she looked so much like my adopted mother. I turned my head toward the other bed, studying her serene face. She was sleeping peacefully. What if she’d been given a second chance at life?
At what expense? The child? Wren had offered a gift of life because of how distraught she’d seen me. A lesson to be learned as both mothers would say.
“How do you know about healers? Am I to assume you know something about everything? You’re very conceited if you do.”