Chapter 19
Rage
“I’m grabbing a shower.” I don’t know why I made the proclamation other than letting the group know where I’d be for the next fifteen minutes. Taking a shower was a luxury.
Guilt riddled me for several reasons, most of which I didn’t know why. Perhaps from keeping the drive from Star. Perhaps because I couldn’t fully open up to her.
Blade sat with Wrath, Wizard, and Ghost, the other soldiers taking the first watch.
“There’s an actual graveyard at the far end of the city enclosed in the walls. Remember those? Before we burned bodies in ditches?”
Ghost’s proclamation felt heavy. “Yeah?” I don’t know why I asked.
“Yeah. Makeshift stuff. Likely whoever was left behind wanted to bury the dead instead of torching them. There were a few carcasses of Savages. They weren’t buried.”
“Jesus,” I managed. The people of this community had fought for their way of life, leaving a few behind to hold the fort. How honorable and heroic.
How stupid.
“She’s not a bad cook,” Wizard said before cleaning his plate of food.
“Yeah, she hooked us up, man,” Blade commented before grabbing a glass. There was nothing fancy in the house, but someone had made this a home that only lived in memories. He pulled the rim to his lips, savoring the whiskey he’d found.
Wrath peered at me since I stood where I was. “You didn’t eat much.”
“I’m not hungry.”
“She’s safe. So is the kid. You can stop acting like some big thug prepared to take on the world.”
With a deep exhale, I continued loitering in the room. A discussion needed to be held with Star and in truth, it was one I wasn’t looking forward to. “That’s not what I’m doing.”
Blade was the first to laugh, nudging Wizard as he did. “Bullshit.” When he coughed into his hand while muttering the word, I shook my head.
“Hey, we get it. You’re connected to her, so sayeth the Revelator.” Wrath grinned. “I can see why. Just might want to take it easy with her. She’s used to fighting her own battles and from my perspective, she does a damn good job.”
“I didn’t ask you. Did I?” The guys were barely able to contain their laughter. “Where did she go?”
“Don’t know. The kid was tired. My guess is she went to find a bedroom.” He lifted both brows, studying me.
Thoroughly over their attitudes, I headed out of the kitchen.
I didn’t trust myself around her nor did I trust she wouldn’t attempt to do something stupid.
Not in the least. I should have taken the sword away from her.
When she had it in her possession, she truly believed she could fight any enemy.
The damn bird had almost taken her. What the hell had she been thinking?
And the audacity of how she’d acted had just about pushed me beyond my decent boundaries.
I moved through the house, checking every room.
In doing so, I was once against reminded of a life that had been exactly like this in now what seemed like a lifetime ago.
Memories held no place. But damn it, they wouldn’t stop.
Conversations with my father, warnings he’d given about the future.
He’d known someone was working against him. He just hadn’t known who.
The stairs were exactly like the ones in my old house, complete with the stain on the bannisters. My grip was firm as I headed up the stairs, listening for any sounds. There were none. That was troubling.
Star was without a doubt the most infuriating woman I’d ever met.
Opinionated as hell and determined to get herself in whatever dangerous situation possible.
There was no filter on her mouth or on the use of her sword either.
Once again, she’d almost gotten herself killed and why?
Because she wanted to be a badass. That’s the only explanation I’d managed to come up with.
Every time I’d been around the woman, she’d stood before me like a wildly defiant warrior who refused to back down. Not to Dwellers. Not to the Borgata. Not to the men tasked to keep her community safe. And definitely not to a bunch of Savages who’d repulsed her from minute one.
Even now with knowing the difference between Gen One and Gen Two, she was neither more appreciative nor approving. Although I’d captured a moment of fear twice, both times seconds before I’d saved her life.
What I’d wrangled with since intervening both times was how nearly frantic I’d been in trying to save her.
It wasn’t just a mission any longer, orders derived from some damn prophecy I couldn’t care less about.
The rush of adrenaline kicking off the brutality within me had been based on my possessiveness of her.
Call me a damn Savage. That was fine by me.
I moved through the house, becoming fearful she’d decided to go off on her own. If she had when I’d found her, she would be anchored to me permanently. That much had been decided.
The location had been a great discovery, the heat source still flickering with life with oil. In the travels I’d undertaken over the years, I’d never seen anything like it, but I’d come to expect the unexpected.
Or maybe the reality was that the acts of violence perpetrated by panicked leaders of other countries and the United States’ response had been highly calculated.
More so than my father had let on. But at least, plans had been made well ahead of time.
What had broken down in the process? How had the nightmare been able to escalate?
Highly specialized generators had remained in decent condition, which in turn allowed for running water and in a limited timeframe, heated water for showers and cooking.
The house we’d chosen was a goldmine, a pantry stocked with edible food and even liquor, clothes, and toiletry items. It has been apparent whoever had lived in the house had left in a hurry, but it was as if they’d planned for the inevitable.
Or left it for us to find. Damn it. I was starting to believe in the prophecy myself.
Without making a sound, I moved from one bedroom to another, checking rooms that appeared as if the people were going to return at any time. There was a heavy layer of dust on the furniture, the blackout blinds closed and when the lights were somehow turned on, everything felt surreal.
A door at the end of the hall was cracked, a bluish light shimmering into the hallway. I stopped outside the door, listening until it felt more like eavesdropping.
As soon as I pushed it open with a single finger, I could tell Star knew I was behind her. She immediately tensed, even folding her arms across her chest. I could sense her sadness and knew exactly why.
We were standing in a child’s room, a bookshelf half full of books.
Just like the ones I’d had as a child. There were still several stuffed animals and toys in the room, the light coming from a mobile over the bed.
I hadn’t known they’d existed any longer.
The bed itself was decked out as if for a princess.
A little protected world had been shattered.
Her silhouette allowed me a view of her lithe body, the aura surrounding her very much as the warrior she presented herself to be.
Star was shaking, appearing so tiny in comparison to the way she’d been earlier in the day swathed in black and adorned with several weapons.
With her hair still damp from a shower, she stood in sweatpants she’d obviously found in the house, the waist rolled over several times so she didn’t trip on the fabric.
She wore a tank top, the thin material outlining the curve of her breasts, her nipples poking through.
Yet she’d returned to her boots, the heavy steel-toed design exactly like something she would choose.
In the bed Wren lay sleeping, Jake curled up next to her. I could tell by their even breathing that they were fast asleep. And in the girl’s other arm was the stuffed bear Peter had given her.
Star took a step back then another until she flanked my side. I was honestly shocked she hadn’t left the room.
“A little girl lived here. She had toys and books. And a life. What happened?” When I didn’t answer right away, she lifted her head.
“I don’t know, but it appears the majority of those living in town left, possibly together.”
With her body stiffening, she looked me in the eye. “Why?”
“My guess is they were made aware of an impending attack.”
“Where did they go?”
“That’s the question.”
As with every time we were alone together, the tension was high, enough so her body was humming with electricity.
I was at a point where I wished I had the right words to provide any sense of comfort, but there was nothing that made any difference.
Not only was she stubborn, but she’d been born into a world with no conscience, no sense of pride.
There were so many differences in the two of us including that I continued to wish for my past. She had no real understanding of the past but longed for the truth. And for me, the truth was horrifically painful.
When she didn’t say anything else and didn’t even look in my direction, I moved toward the door.
“I’m taking a shower. You should get some rest.”
“Okay. I’ll try.” While she’d responded, she didn’t bother looking in my direction.
Perhaps doing so would strengthen a tether she had no interest in.
“I just want to make certain she doesn’t need anything.
Her entire world was rocked and at such a young age.
I can’t imagine what she’s going through. She’s so vulnerable and so helpless.”
Her words cut through me as many rarely did.
“You know exactly what she’s going through, Star, because you lived through exactly the same situation.
Not only did you survive the ordeal, you thrived during a moment of time when millions couldn’t cope.
That’s because you’re resilient, stronger than any woman I’ve ever met.
Wren is that way too. Think about the courage it took for her to initiate healing your mother.
She’s going to make an incredible warrior. Just like what you’ve become.”