42. Dark Side
CHAPTER 42
Dark Side
IVY
I’m surprised to be alive when I open my eyes. The orgasm was so fierce I had completely lost myself. Alistair and I look at each other and despite not saying anything I can see that he feels the same way. We move slowly, still slippery, to embrace each other. Alistair holds me tight and I melt into him.
“What just happened?” I whisper.
We both chuckle. “I don’t know,” he replies. “That was … intense.”
He holds me for a while longer, and then we drag ourselves out of the ooze and shower it off. We get dressed, sling a blanket over our shoulders, and order hot chocolate to take to the bow. It’s got cinnamon, marshmallows, and a shot of spiced rum. We sit together and watch the ocean and the stars.
I sigh. “Best honeymoon ever.”
“How would you know?” Alistair asks. “Exactly how many have you been on?”
I smack his shoulder. “This is my first. And my last!”
“Never say never.”
“True. If you had told me a month ago that I would be on a ‘honeymoon’ on a Thai sex yacht with a baby at home I would have laughed. And laughed. And laughed.”
“Same,” agrees Alistair. “You’ve turned my life upside-down.”
My jaw drops. “I’ve turned YOUR life upside-down?”
He’s grinning. I resist the urge to whack him again.
“Tell me why you need that money,” Alistair says. His tone is loving and non-confrontational.
“You really want to talk about that now?”
“Why not? You want the money and I want to give it to you. I want to give you everything. Besides, I’m intrigued. As we’ve discussed, you never use my credit card. You never spend money on yourself. And Jamie’s situation is under control. I’m extremely curious to know what you want it for.”
I take a deep breath. It’s been an emotional night, with that earth-shattering, soul-moving orgasm.
“I want to work for you,” I say.
Alistair is amused. “I don’t believe that for a second.”
“Well, I don’t want to work for you . Except as your pet. I want to work for Ravenscroft Enterprises.”
“That’s even more difficult to believe.”
“Okay, you’re right. Forget I said that. I want to head up a new division within the company. No. Not a division. A foundation.”
Comprehension dawns on his face. He tips his head back. “Ah. Now that makes sense.”
I scramble to gather my thoughts. “I know your family already donates money to a lot of different causes.”
“Hm,” he says. “Mostly to cover up bad PR. It’s nothing more than a mitigation tool. Don’t read too much into it. It’s not like we’re the good guys.”
“But we can be the good guys,” I reply. “Imagine. Imagine being a force for good.”
Alistair can’t hold my gaze. He looks away, his eyes resting on the moonlit water surrounding us.
“For a while,” he says, “I thought so. Now I wonder if we were just born to be bad.”
I try to get him to look at me by grabbing his knee. “It’s not too late. We can still do it.”
He shakes his head. “Not anymore. There’s no space for weakness now.”
“Alistair! Being good is not being weak.”
He huffs and pulls his lips in a way I don’t like. I assume it means he thinks I am na?ve. Usually, I’d be annoyed, but it feels like our very souls are fused now, so there is no annoyance, only love.
“Let me start up the foundation,” I say. “I have so many ideas. I have the drive. I won’t need much in the beginning. We’ll start small and simple. Then, if you’re happy with my work, we’ll expand.”
“I’ll need to get the go-ahead from my family,” he replies, finally looking at me. “But I don’t see how that will be a problem. My mother is starry-eyed over you since you saved Ariana’s life. She’ll support you. She’ll give you anything you ask for. You’re possibly her favorite human in the world right now.”
“And you?” I ask.
“You’re also my favorite human in the world right now.”
“No, I mean, will you support me in starting the foundation?”
Alistair locks eyes with me, and I get lost in them. “I’ll support you in anything. You know that. I’m your biggest fan.” He touches my cheek. “I’ll do whatever you need me to.”
A different kind of excitement rips through me. A nervous, wholesome, exhilarated energy that comes with being granted the power to make a difference in the world. To ease suffering, to heal the planet, to use money for the greater good.
“Thank you,” I say, feeling tearful again. “Thank you for believing in me.”
“Anyone who doesn’t believe in you is an idiot,” he says. “You’re going to be fucking amazing.”
Hot drinks finished, we move to the railing to watch the black sea below. It’s romantic, especially with the stars showing off and the fairy lights and fresh flowers on the deck. Alistair wraps me in his arms again, and we kiss.
“I love you so much,” I tell him. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone before.”
He breathes me in, running his fingers through my hair and adjusting the tiara which I had completely forgotten about.
“It’s not just love, either,” I say. “You’ve made me feel different about myself. No, not different about myself … you make me feel more myself. It’s like I was playing small my whole life and you’ve made me feel more … everything. More powerful.”
“Money has a way of doing that.”
“The money is a huge part of it. But it’s more than that. It’s feminine energy. Sexual energy that I’ve never had before. You allow me to embrace my desire in a way that gives me agency. I feel like I have a place in the world.”
“You’ve always had a place in the world,” he says.
“It never felt like it.”
“Now you’ve embraced your dark side,” Alistair jokes.
“You may bring out my dark side,” I say, enjoying feeling the firmness of his body. “But I was never my authentic self while I was hiding it away. You make me feel like I can be completely myself—the good and bad parts—and you’ll still want me.”
“I’ll always want you, Ivy.”
I inhale deeply, making the most of the moment, knowing it will be a forever memory. At the same time, I’m tentatively excited for our future. There will be so much to discover in a life with Alistair.
I’m in such a dreamy state of mind that it takes me a second to snap to when I feel Alistair’s body tense, but when I do, I know that something is wrong. I can feel it in every part of my body. Just like every cell was previously blissed out, now everything is pooling with dread. My anxiety spikes, my pulse races, my heart flutters against its cage.
No, no, no.
I look up at Alistair, needing his reassurance that everything is okay, that I’m being silly, but his expression reflects my fear. His eyes are trained away from mine, focusing on something behind me. I turn to look at what has spooked him so badly, this usually unflappable man.
A young blonde woman stands on the deck in the dark. Blunt-cut bobbed hair, supermodel figure, sophisticated pantsuit the same color as the night sky. She oozes money and authority, and she sparkles with violence.
“Anya,” says Alistair. It’s a guttural sound edged with pure fear.
The woman dips her chin in accordance.
All the softness leaves my body.
Anya? Who the fuck ? —?
Alistair’s fingers wrap around my wrist so hard it hurts.
He looks into my eyes for just a second. “Ivy. Forgive me.”
Before I can ask him what he means, he sweeps me off my feet. Confused, I think he’s going to carry me, but then my body keeps traveling in the air, and that’s when he lets go.
Alistair fucking lets me go over the yacht’s railing.
I’m twirling in the dark space for a moment that feels like forever.
I hit the black water with a gasp that almost drowns me. The cold is shocking, but nothing is more horrifying than the fact that it was Alistair who threw me overboard.