Chapter 5
CASSIE
I’m almost to twenty weeks. The halfway point is in sight and I’m still no closer to a clear path forward than I was two months ago.
The only thing I know is that I love this baby, and I will protect him or her with my entire being.
So much that I’m actually considering Tim’s offer.
He hasn’t brought it up again, and I can’t tell whether that’s because he’s giving me time to consider, or he regrets asking.
Either way, I shouldn’t bring my mess into his life. It would be taking advantage, I know, but the more time we spend together, the more I like him. Really like-like him.
Sure, he’s not the flashiest guy. Not the most handsome, or the most talkative. But those traits I used to consider essential don’t matter as much as I once thought. In the span of a month, my values have shifted and I’m beginning to think a person’s character is worth its weight in gold.
I’m scared though.
Scared to drag him down.
Scared to hurt someone the way Calvin hurt me.
I’m stuck. Torn between what I should do and what I want to do. Marrying Tim would be the easy way out. We could pass off this child as his and no one would ever be the wiser. Hell, the only other person who knows the truth is my baby’s father, and he won’t be popping up to stake parental rights.
But can I really do this to Tim?
I blow out a frustrated breath and check my reflection in the mirror to finish styling my hair.
It’s wild how much my body is changing. My breasts are full and heavy in a way they never were before.
The curves of my body are more pronounced too.
Thank goodness for fall weather because I can get away with big sweaters and leaving the top button of my jeans undone.
I appear as if I’ve gained some weight, but it’s only a matter of weeks before the roundness of my belly is undeniable.
I try not to think about that. At least, not today of all days. I want to celebrate my birthday without the weight of my uncertain future on my shoulders. I’ll pick it back up tomorrow. Tonight is for friends.
I’m at the diner with my best gal pals, sipping on milkshakes and sharing a few baskets of fries as we catch up on school gossip. I haven’t done something like this in ages and it’s overdue.
“So . . .” Regina leans forward and drops her voice, causing the rest of us to do the same to hear her. “What’s going on with you and Tim Wilder? Are y’all going steady?”
“Umm . . .” I freeze.
“You’ve been spending an awful lot of time together,” Ginny adds, flashing a conspiratorial grin.
“I always thought he was so strange in high school,” Roberta contributes. “Never said much of anything to anyone. How did the two of you become friends?”
“He’s not strange at all.” My spine straightens.
I might not know how to answer their questions, but I won’t stand for them putting him down.
Not after all he’s done for me. “He’s actually one of the best men I’ve ever met.
Honestly if we’d all been a little less judgmental in high school, we would have noticed how kind and smart he is. ”
“Oh, I didn’t mean anything. I’m sorry, Cassie.” Roberta touches my shoulder. “We’re just curious, that’s all. We’ve noticed him pick you up after school a few times.”
My shoulders relax. I might have overreacted a smidge. I just didn’t like hearing them speak about Tim that way. “Well, we talked a lot this summer. Wrote letters back and forth when I was in Montana.”
“Letters”—Regina swoons—“That’s so romantic.”
“Yeah.” I exhale, not sure how far to take this. If I act like we’re dating, it’ll make a fake marriage more believable. But if I go it on my own, it’ll appear as if I’ve cheated on him.
There’s a jingle of bells as the door to the diner opens, and we all turn in interest to find Tim standing across the room.
I’m saved from answering, but I can’t speak.
My mouth feels dry as I drink him in. Button down shirt, jeans and buckle, boots and a hat.
He’s one hundred percent the cowboy I know him to be.
Only these clothes aren’t marked with dust and grime from a hard day’s work on the ranch.
He’s all polished and clean. Even his face is freshly shaved.
As our eyes lock, my pulse quickens. He’s holding flowers. How did he know it’s my birthday? I never said anything. Just told him I was finally getting together with the girls.
“Cassie, you better go get your man,” Regina hums.
That’s when I notice I’m not the only woman in this diner checking out my man—or rather, Tim. Dear Lord . I don’t know what’s come over me. Tim is not mine. At least not for real.
“Go! We’ll catch up another time.” Ginny practically shoves me out of the booth.
I say my goodbyes and then make my way to the front of the diner where Tim’s still waiting.
“Hey.” I can’t help but grin as heat fills my cheeks.
“Hey.” He smiles back, handing over the bouquet of wildflowers. “These are for you. Happy birthday, Cassie.”
“These are beautiful.” I lift them under my nose and inhale their fragrant scent.
“I picked them for you.”
My heart skips a beat. Of course he did. “What are you doing here?”
“I figured you might need a ride home?” He glances around the room, noticing all eyes on us. “I thought we could go for a drive.”
“Okay.” Nerves bubble in my belly. He holds the door, then walks with me to the truck, where he helps me into the passenger seat. We’ve gone on numerous drives and hung out almost every day. Maybe it’s my imagination, but somehow this feels like a real date.
“You haven’t changed the music,” he observes after we pull out of the parking lot and travel several miles down the highway.
“Where are we going?” I ask when we miss the exit to the road that leads to my parents’ house.
“I wanted to show you something. Is that okay?”
“Of course.” I blush again, this time feeling warmth spread all over. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. This is Tim. I don’t get flustered around Tim. If anything, I’m too comfortable. I tell him too much.
Listening to the music on the radio, I glance out the window and focus on the landscape we pass.
The sky lights with pinks and purples as the sun dips below the tree line.
Tim pulls onto the road that leads toward his family’s ranch.
We pass under a wooden archway, the WV emblem of their brand burnt into the stained pine.
I’ve never been to the ranch. Never been invited until now.
“There’s the lodge for our ranch hands.” He points across one direction while turning the opposite at the fork in the road. A few minutes later, he pulls up to a massive barn and parks. There’s a grin on his face as he cuts the engine. “You ready to see your surprise?”
“I think so.” I glance over to the dark building. “Are we allowed to be here?”
He chuckles. “Cassie, I live here.”
“You don’t live in a barn!” I tease, though he’s right. I don’t know why I asked that, other than the flutter of butterflies making their home in my stomach.
He shakes his head and laughs. “Come on.”
I open my door, but he’s out and around the truck, arm outstretched to help me step down into the grass.
I leave my flowers in the cab, and hook my hand under Tim’s arm to keep my balance as we walk toward the barn.
When we reach the door, I let go and he steps ahead to hold it open.
There’s a giddiness to his normally neutral features and it feeds my excitement. What does he have planned?
Tim flips on the lights and reaches for my hand. Inside the barn there are several stalls, but he leads us to the very last one. That’s when I see it.
“A foal!” The little creature is wobbly on its four spindly legs as he suckles from his mama.
“Just born today.” He grins. “He’s hours old.”
“That’s amazing.” If the young colt grows to look anything like his mother, he’ll be a beautiful horse. “I can’t believe they’re both standing already. I don’t think I’ll recover so quickly.” I wince as I think of birthing my own child in just a few months.
“Nature’s incredible, isn’t she?”
“Yeah.” We watch the horses for several minutes, basking in the awe of a newly born life.
“He’s mine.”
“The foal?”
“Yeah, my dad gave him to me.” Tim turns away from the horse, angling his body toward mine. “And I’m giving him to you.”
“Me?” I gasp. “Tim, you are not giving me your horse.” It’s way too generous. Besides, I barely know how to ride.
“I am.” His smile is smug and I just know I’m not convincing him otherwise. “Little guy was born on your birthday, so I kinda have to. It’s the rules. I don’t make them up.”
I bite back a smile as I take a step toward him. “You don’t, do you?”
“Yep.” He shuffles forward a step, closing the gap between us.
Our smiles fade as awareness overtakes us. He’s so close. Close enough to lean down and kiss me. God, I want him to kiss me.
As if he can read my thoughts, his gaze drops to my mouth. He leans forward, painfully slowly until we’re only a breath away. “Cassie?” he whispers, and his breath ghosts against my lips.
“Yes?” I whisper back.
He swallows hard, his gaze darting from my eyes to my mouth. “Can I kiss you?”
I want that. Badly. So much that all propriety evaporates from my mind and I don’t even bother answering. Rocking onto my toes, I close the space between us and press my lips to his as my eyelids drift shut.
Warmth spreads through my body, wrapping me up as Tim’s hands reach around my waist and pull me closer.
Our kiss deepens, mouths moving and tongues brushing.
He drags my body even closer and I rock my hips forward.
The space between my legs aches with need, and as we kiss and pivot so my back is against the stall, he grinds his hardness into my body so I feel every inch of his arousal. I gasp.
“Sorry.” He pulls back, releasing his grip around my waist as a pained expression etches on his worried face. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have?—”
“No.” In this moment I need him more than anything. Even if it’s wild and reckless. “You should.” I take his hands and bring them back to my hips. I tilt my head to stare at his lips, the need to taste them again so visceral I’m surprised I don’t jump the poor man.
Thankfully, he puts me out of my misery, slanting his mouth along mine, softly at first, just a taste.
But it’s not enough. I lean my body into him, my hands running over his chest, wishing we were both naked.
Visions of our bodies pressed together, naked and sweaty, dance at the edge of my mind.
I want him. All of him. As much as he’s willing to give me.
As he kisses me in earnest, that familiar ache of desire builds again. Through the fabric of my clothes, his fingers elicit a tingle of awareness as his hands travel over my body. When they make their way to my backside and squeeze, I moan into his mouth.
He pulls his lips away and kisses along the side of my face. His breath fans against my earlobe as he whispers, “Marry me, Cassie. Marry me and we can do this every damn day.”
His offer pulls me out of my lust-filled haze and I take a step back to meet his stare. “You sure you mean that?” Tears well in my eyes as I’m struck with emotion. God, how could I go from completely turned on to crying within seconds? Fucking hormones . “I’m kind of a mess right now.”
“You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever set eyes on.”
I squeeze my eyes shut. “Don’t.”
“What? It’s the damn truth.”
“Me?” I open my eyes and meet his stare before motioning down my body. “You want me to believe this is the most beautiful?”
“I’m not lying, Cass.” He closes the space between us, taking my hand. “I won’t lie to you. I can promise you that. Not now and not ever.”
“But I’m pregnant.”
“That’s old news to me.” His free hand cups my jaw and his thumb runs along my cheek so tenderly I fear I might break. “Cassie Higgins, do you think you could be happy with me?”
After the way he’s taken care of me, held my secret, and kissed me tonight, there isn’t a doubt in my mind. “I know I could.”
“Then darlin’, just marry me already.”
“Okay, I will.”
“You will?” His eyes go wide as if he expected more of a fight. But I don’t have it in me. Why would I fight to keep a good man like Tim out of my life when he’s so determined to be here.
“I will.”
A smile spreads across his face and he sweeps me into his arms as if I weigh nothing.
He hugs me to his chest and twirls me around as if I am the love of his life.
For a moment, I let myself believe this is all real.
That he would have always picked me, even if it weren’t for the baby.
Together we laugh and kiss, and I let myself believe this could be the start of a forever kind of love. Maybe if I’m lucky, it is.