Chapter 7
CASSIE
The next few weeks pass in a blur. My mother pretends I’m not pregnant and busies herself with preparations for a small wedding ceremony with family at the end of the month. But I see her sidelong glances. She’s worried I’m going to show. She’s worried what people will think.
God, if she only knew the truth.
The worst part of this last week is not seeing Tim. He was on a cattle drive and when he returned, he needed to put in some extra-long days at the ranch. I don’t think I realized how much I’ve come to rely on him. His friendship. His compassion.
Our conversations are something I look forward to at the end of the day, and without them I feel lost. I also can’t stop thinking about the way he kissed me in the barn.
I’ve had my fair share of kisses. None of them compare. It must be the connection we share, and each night when I lie down to sleep I can’t help but think about how it will be when we’re together.
His rough hands caressing my skin.
His mouth on my body.
His hardness rocking into my center.
I close my eyes and pretend it’s him when I touch myself and bring my body to sweet release. I almost feel shameful about the number of times I’ve imagined it. And for wondering how long I will have to wait to be with him intimately.
It’s late Sunday afternoon the next time his truck rumbles down the driveway. Like some kind of Pavlovian response, my entire mood shifts at the sound and I practically run out to the porch to greet him.
By the way he hustles out of the truck and picks me up in a hug, he’s excited to see me, too. “How’s my beautiful fiancée?”
“Better now that you’re here.” I squeeze him tight, then step back to drink him in. His normally clean jaw is rough with scruff. “Are you growing a beard?”
“No.” He smiles, his gaze dropping as he rubs the stubble. “Didn’t want to waste the time shaving.”
“Oh.” I grin. “I kinda like it.”
“Yeah?” he kisses my cheek. “If you want, I’ll leave it.”
A shiver runs down my spine at the idea of his rough beard traveling along my naked skin. Lord help me.
“Feel like taking a drive?” he asks.
“Yeah.” I wonder if he’s dying to be alone with me, too.
He grins, taking my hand and helping me into the truck. Within minutes, we’re barreling down the highway, music playing, and filling each other in with stories from our time apart. All is right in the world.
When he takes the exit to his family’s ranch, I expect him to drive back to the barn, but instead he drives deeper into the woods where the creek runs along the property line. It’s another ten minutes before he turns off on a dirt road that leads to a small cabin.
I glance over, the question in my stare.
“Come on. I wanna show you something.”
We get out and he leads me onto the small porch where he retrieves a key. My body thrums with anticipation.
He flicks on the lights, then holds the door so I can lead the way. Inside, the room is sparsely decorated and the place smells of cleaner.
“Who lives here?” I turn to find his expectant stare.
“You. Or rather, us, if you want to.”
“This is ours?” I look at the space with fresh eyes, envisioning us lounging on the small sofa in the evenings, a pot of coffee brewing in the cozy kitchen, toys stacked in the corner for our child to play with.
“This is what I’ve been up to.” He opens his arms wide and takes a step back. “Do you like it?”
“You weren’t on a cattle drive?” I’m not even mad.
“I was, for a few days. But the rest of the time I’ve been here. My brother and his friends helped me empty it. My mom and her friends gave it a good scrub and brought over fresh linens.”
He did all of this . . . for me. For us.
I rest my hand on my lower abdomen where a bump is beginning to protrude.
I fling myself into his arms, squeezing him in a tight hug.
Just when I think I couldn’t love him more, he goes and does something sweet again.
I pull back enough to lift my head and his lips are there—so damn kissable. “Will you show me our bedroom?”
“Maybe we should wait”—he drops his gaze to floor—“Until we’re married.”
I almost laugh. It’s sort of adorable that he’s being so damn chivalrous when I’m almost five months pregnant. “If that’s important to you, we can. But just so you know, I want to be with you. For real. Now.” My sex drive roars to life in complete approval.
“Oh, I want to be with you.” He scrubs a hand along his cheek. “And I don’t even believe in that waiting till marriage bullshit. But the thing is, I don’t want you to be disappointed. Or to change your mind.”
My jaw falls open. “You think if we sleep together, I won’t want to marry you?”
“Maybe.” He shrugs, not quite meeting my gaze.
“Tim. Are you . . . Or have you . . .” I sputter, trying to ask the question in a way that doesn’t make him more uncomfortable. “Never been?”
“I grew up on a ranch.” He narrows his gaze. “I know how everything works, if that’s what you’re worried about.” He rocks back on his heels. “But no, I haven’t done that with anyone.”
“Wow.” I would be his first. It only stings a little that I can’t offer him the same.
After all, if I were still a virgin would we even have found our way to each other?
I step forward and reach for him, my hands skimming up the front of his shirt.
“I can show you.” I press onto my toes and kiss against the shell of his earlobe. “I’ll make it good for you.”
“Cassie, darlin’,” he practically groans. “I’m not worried about that.”
“What, then?” I lean back to examine his expression.
“I’m worried I won’t compare . . . to what you had before.”
I cup his jaw tenderly in my hands. “Impossible.”
“How do you know that?”
“Well, I guess I don’t really. Not until we’re together that way. But you should know that I don’t think about him like that. Hell, I don’t think about him at all. Not when I’m with you.”
“You don’t?”
“He doesn’t hold a candle to the man you are.
You have become my best friend, and when a day goes by that we don’t see each other, all I want is to sit and talk with you.
I’ve literally been counting down the hours, thinking of you.
Thinking of this.” I rest my hands on his shoulders.
“And when you kiss me, everything slips away. I forget all my worries. You take them away with one tender touch. Sometimes, I even let myself believe you’d want me if I weren’t in this situation. ”
“I do. I have. Cassie.” He shakes his head. “I should’ve told you this before, but I was scared you’d think it was pathetic.”
“What?”
“I have wanted to be with you since the first day of freshman year.”
“You’re just saying that.”
“No, I’m not. I’ve only ever wanted to be with you, so this? Us? It’s everything I’ve ever wanted. I can’t believe you want me, too.”