Chapter 39 – cat #2
“No.” He huffs out a breath. “I’m trying to be honest. I found out that my mother was keeping some big secrets from me, and my dad left me with some pretty heavy secrets, too. I don’t want to make that my family legacy. So I have to tell you the truth, even if I know you won’t like it.”
“I don’t…not like it either,” I whisper. It’s weird—I don’t want him watching me, but I’m relieved he still cares enough about me that he wants to. Neither of us has moved on from whatever this is, which means I’m not alone.
“For the record, I know how fucked up it is,” he says. “Security is all I know. All my Dad taught me that was actually useful. I thought it was this superpower—I idolized him.”
“Of course you did. That’s how you’re supposed to feel about your parents. It’s how I felt about my dad, before…everything.”
Nate shifts, his hand coming up to touch my shoulder. He stops himself, pulling back, and my breath catches. He still has the instinct to touch me and comfort me, but he’s trying not to overstep my boundaries. It’s growth, in his own little way.
“I’m sure your dad was different, though,” I say. “Everyone at UPS has such great things to say about him. The way Susie talks, it’s like she thought he walked on water.”
Nate takes a long breath. “Dad was a great boss. He was charming, sharp, and whip-smart. Everyone thought he was the perfect CEO and the perfect father. But the secret I mentioned…it was big. Dad had a second family, who he visited when he told us he was going on business trips. I found out about them before he died.”
I gasp loudly and immediately wish I could swallow the sound. He’s just told me something so immensely private, so personal, and we’re surrounded by people who could hear it. But Nate doesn’t look worried. He looks—at peace, somehow.
“I’m so sorry, Nate,” I whisper.
He shrugs. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I’ve actually been in touch with them and—you know what, that’s a whole story for another time.
The point is, when I learned his secret, it made me obsessed with control—it felt like the only way I could keep my family safe.
That’s why I can be so protective, and why I pushed things too far.
That isn’t an excuse—it’s an explanation. I just—I want you to…”
“To understand who you are,” I finish, and he nods.
I have so many questions for him. About who his family is, what he’s learned about them, what Eleanor thinks about it all—but he’s right. Now’s not the time. Not when we’re surrounded by people.
But will there ever be a time? Nate admitted that he’s been thinking about checking up on me, but is that because of our residual feelings, or because of his own admitted obsession with my safety?
Is he coming by the shelter to win me over, or to be a good guy?
I still don’t understand what Nate wants—or if I want the same thing.
My brain is busier than it’s ever been, chugging and chugging as I process all this new information. I’m glad that my body can disappear into the flow of handing out rolls.
We spend a few silent moments spooning out Christmas dinner before Nate speaks again.
“That’s not the only thing I’m sorry about. I never should have looked into your father without asking. You shouldn’t have had to find that out before you were ready. I regret that, more than I can say.”
I can hear the sincerity in his voice. It’s so different from the guarded, even tone he used when I first met him.
He’s different now—more open, more awkward, more approachable.
He’s letting the world see more of him, letting his mask of perfection slip.
It still isn’t easy for him, but he’s trying.
I love it.
Because he’s also the same. Honorable, giving, determined, protective. He’s the same man I’ve been missing…only better.
If I’m honest, I’ve been almost texting him every day for weeks, always thinking better of it. I figured he’d moved on and after how hard I pushed him away I didn’t have any right to expect anything from him.
“I forgive you,” I tell him. “I’m not angry about my Dad anymore.
I’ve had some time to process it—to process everything, really.
And I’ve come to terms with it. Maybe Dad didn’t reach out after he got sober because he wasn’t ready.
Maybe he never will be. And that hurts—but at least I don’t have to feel guilty about the things I said making his addiction worse.
There's peace in knowing he’s alive and well, and you gave that to me. ”
Nate leans against me, letting me feel the heat of his arm through his sweater. It’s the closest he can give me to a hug, with both of us gloved up and serving food.
Sooner than I’d like, the last person moves through the line, leaving me and Nate standing together. He adjusts his Santa hat, looking around awkwardly. “What do we do now?”
“We walk around. Talk to people. Bring their trays back to the kitchen if they’re finished. You can come with me.”
He follows my lead, staying a few steps behind me as I weave through the tables.
Most of the residents I recognize greet me with a smile, but a few turn to Nate first. They thank him for his donation, or tease him about his Santa hat.
He takes it in good grace, even if he doesn’t say much in return.
He’s still not much of a talker, but he doesn’t need to be. Him being here is enough.
When we get to Rupert’s table, he calls out to me. “Hey, Cat! This your boyfriend?”
Nate stiffens next to me, unsure of what to say.
I shrug. “I don’t know, should he be?”
Rupert’s eyes glitter with mischief. “Take a seat, young man. Let’s find out if you deserve the job.”
Nate and I slide into the two empty chairs at the table. His back is ramrod straight, his hands folded neatly on the table in front of him. He looks like he’s at a job interview.
“So, are you gainfully employed?” Rupert uses a hoity-toity voice, and I have to bite my lip not to laugh.
“I am, sir,” Nate says. “I own my own company. A family business.”
“He means he’s a CEO. He owns a multi-billion-dollar company,” I correct.
Rupert whistles. “Moneybags, huh? Do you just sit around all day, counting your piles of coins?”
“No, sir. I spend too much time at work, when I’m not working out or playing poker with my best friends.”
“So you’re a workaholic.”
“Usually. Recently, I’ve been distracted.
There’s a woman who I can’t get out of my head.
She’s warm, funny, and sweet, but not so sweet that she lets me get away with anything.
She holds me to a higher standard, and makes me want to be the kind of man who deserves her.
And she’s so goddamn beautiful that sometimes it’s hard to look at her. ”
My mouth drops open. Nate’s not looking at me—his eyes are fixed on Rupert’s.
“She sounds like a hell of a gal,” Rupert says. “What makes you think you deserve her?”
Nate sucks in a breath. “I’m not sure I do. I’m not naturally kind or friendly or generous like she is. I’m trying to give more—not just money, but time, too. I’m a bit of a control freak, but I’m working on it. She makes me want to be a better man, so that’s what I’m trying to be.”
My heart flutters hummingbird-fast. Nate still wants me, and I know in my heart that I want him, too. There’s still work to do, for both of us. But I don’t know anyone as determined as Nate. If he wants to change, he will.
“Does that mean we’ll be seeing you back here at the shelter?” Rupert asks.
Nate nods. “I’m on the schedule for next week, Tuesday and Saturday.”
Rupert turns to me. “Well, Cat, if you want him to be your boyfriend, he has my recommendation.”
“Hmm, I’ll think about it.” I wink at Rupert and push out of my seat. “We should really get these trays back to the kitchen, Nate.”
Grabbing half the stack of trays, I hurry out of the crowded room and back toward the staff area. I can feel Nate’s steady presence behind me, following me. I think he might follow me anywhere.
The noise from the party dampens as soon as we’re in the kitchen. I drop my trays in the sink. Once Nate does the same, I grab him by the wrist and pull him back into a supply closet.
Once I shut the door, I turn and hug him tight around the waist, burrowing my face in the sweater that’s just as soft as I thought it would be. His arms come around me in an instant, his lips to the crown of my head.
“Is this real?” he murmurs into my hair, almost like he didn’t mean to say it out loud.
His spicy cologne fills my lungs, bringing me the peace I’ve been craving but unable to find anywhere else since I left that night after the poker game.
“I missed you,” I say into his sweater, and then pull back just enough to look into his eyes.
He puts his hands over mine, looking down at me like he’s not sure I’m actually here.
“You have no idea—”
I don’t let him finish. I jump him, wrapping my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist and pressing my mouth to his.
It takes Nate a second to catch up with what’s happening.
I can tell when he’s wrapped his head around it—that I’ve forgiven him, and I’m kissing him—when his hands move under my hips.
He turns to press me against a set of shelves, which aren’t stable.
He stumbles slightly and a few boxes fall to the ground, but he doesn’t stop, he kisses me harder, like he’ll die if he stops.
Another box falls and he groans into my mouth.
Another, and his grip on my waist tightens like he never wants to let go.
A loud shatter sounds when the next box falls, and he pulls away from me, dazed, looking at the mess on the floor like he has no idea how it got there.
“Oh shit, I’m sorry—”
I snort.
“Don’t be.” I kiss him again, softer, sweet. “I know you’ll replace what you broke.”
Nate grins and tries to correct his mistake with the shelves, turning around to press me against the opposite wall.
Except he trips, sending more boxes tumbling.
A bag of powdered sugar, which someone must have been using for Christmas cookies, falls on our heads, coating us both in a fine white dust.
He lets go of me then with a low chuckle that makes my belly flutter as he sets me down on the floor. “I’m sorry, Kitten, I keep messing this up—”
“No.” I laugh. “It’s perfect.”
He’s sort of adorable without his usual strict composure. I could get used to it.
Nate runs a hand through his sugar-covered hair. “So does this mean you forgive me? For real?”
“Yes. And now that I have Rupert’s approval, I’d very much like you to be my boyfriend.”
His eyes light up. “We can start there.”
I kiss him again, and this time, it tastes even sweeter from all the sugar on our lips.
“We should probably go get ourselves cleaned up,” he murmurs against my mouth as our lips part, shooting me a wicked grin. “I did just get a new rain head installed in my ensuite back at the apartment.”
My mind instantly supplies me with the image of Nate, wet and naked in the shower. Heat floods through my body.
I grab his hand, weaving my fingers together with his. “Well, I do love the rain.”