Chapter 10
Chapter Ten
Well, This Is Awkward
Nope. I definitely can’t do this.
Sitting in Luke’s driveway, my heart is a steady snare drum in my chest, beating at enough speed that I’m sure it will take off and burst through my ribcage at any moment.
My panic only increases as Luke comes outside and heads toward the truck.
Maybe it’s just because I’m looking at him with eyes open to the fact that I am most definitely attracted to him, but he is exceptionally striking today—almost like the universe is conspiring to make me see it that way.
It's as though the sun decided to shine down on him with a perfect beam of angelic radiance, the dusty air practically glittering to highlight his handsomeness. He even drags one hand through his golden hair in a motion of pure, unadulterated sex, as if he’s putting on a show for me.
It’s like I’m watching Baywatch, and all of his movements are in slow motion, drawn out for the most attractive impact.
The only thing missing is the sexy saxophone opening of Careless Whisper in the background.
And now I can’t stop myself from imagining it.
I might pass away before the end of today.
Luke gets into the passenger seat with as much enthusiasm as yesterday, sighing and putting on his seatbelt with languid movements. He groans heavily, stifling a yawn. But then he turns to me and frowns, studying me with concern.
“Everything all right?” he asks.
I think of all the things I could say: “Yep.” “Totally fine.” “I’m good.
” “Can I kiss you to see if I like it?” Except I’m sure my face looks like I’ve been stabbed in the gut, so anything I say will seem like an outright lie.
Instead, I shrug and shake my head dismissively, facing the windshield with as much composure as I can muster.
“How was your date?” Luke asks carefully.
“Good. Yep. It was good,” I reply quickly. “Very good.”
“That’s…good?” he says, framing it more like a question.
“It was a lovely evening.”
“Okay, then, what’s wrong?” Luke demands firmly. “You’re acting very squirrely.”
God damn him, why does he have to be so observant?
I drag my hand back and forth over my pants leg, my left knee bouncing.
Giving Luke a quick sideways glance, I feel those crystal blue eyes boring a hole into my soul.
I paste on the most natural-looking smile I can muster and shake my head, trying to appear as calm as possible.
“Nothing’s wrong. I’m good.” Did that sound convincing?
It probably came off more like I’m being held at gunpoint.
Still, it’s my only recourse right now. Double down on the idea that nothing’s wrong, and maybe I’ll—he’ll believe it.
“I think I’m just coming off the excitement. Of the date. Not from anything else.”
Luke studies me silently before shaking his head, turning away. “Sure.”
He doesn’t question me more than that, but I’m acutely aware that he’s paying close attention to me even as he stares out the passenger window. I drag my hand down my face and focus on driving until we get to work.
The job doesn’t help to keep my mind occupied. I keep making stupid mistakes, fucking shit up, and having to start over. It doesn’t go unnoticed by Luke or my supervisor, but I can’t explain why my mind is elsewhere without opening up a can of worms.
Luke attempts to talk to me throughout the day, but it becomes abundantly clear that I can not have a normal conversation right now.
I stutter or clam up with every other word.
There’s no way to make that seem normal, so instead, I find ways to avoid him, dragging myself away to some made-up thing I need to take care of or pretending I saw someone needing me from across the shop.
It’s very mature of me, and I feel like a total adult every time I do it.
I wasn’t prepared for there to be this much awkwardness on my part.
It’s almost like I’ve never had a crush before, and it’s rendered me stupid.
The problem is, I don’t think I’ll be able to deal with it with Luke this close to me, causing me to forget how to act like a normal human every time I see his stupidly beautiful face.
I can’t go on like this, or Luke will start thinking I’m being an asshole, avoiding his friend.
I need time to figure this out without making things worse, but my options are limited in my current situation. So, I devise a foolproof plan to give myself the space I need, taking the only rational course of action available. Running away.
It all starts with a little lie.
“My mom’s sick,” I say to Marcus, keeping my expression neutral.
“Shit, really? Is she okay?” he asks, concern knitting his brow.
“I’m sure she’s fine,” I answer dismissively before realizing I need to seem a little broken up to sell it. “But I’m going to check in on her, just to be sure. Can you do me a favor and drive me to the airport after work?”
“Uh, sure,” Marcus agrees, shaking his head with confusion. “You can’t drive yourself?”
“I’m going to let Luke borrow my truck,” I say, just as I’ve rehearsed it a million times before coming over here. “He doesn’t have a vehicle right now, so I’ve been driving him. This way, he’ll be able to get to work since I won’t need the truck while I’m gone.”
Marcus seems surprised. “Oh. Okay, sure. I have to double-check with Tiff and make sure we don’t have something going on tonight. What time is your flight?”
“Whatever’s available first.”
“You haven’t bought a ticket yet?” Marcus arches a single brow at me skeptically. “Are you okay, dude? You’re not usually so spontaneous.”
Jesus Christ, why does he know me so well? I should have asked Ben or Eric. “I can be spontaneous.”
Marcus gives me a dull look, and I roll my eyes.
“Whatever.” I sigh. “It seemed like it would work out the best for everyone this way, so I figured it’d be fine even if I had to wait a bit. Besides, there’s bound to be a red-eye I can catch.”
Marcus studies me up and down for a second, like he’s assessing if I’m actually of sound mind and body to travel. Then he shrugs after he comes to his conclusion. If he’s at all suspicious about the timing of this, he doesn’t let on. But I doubt he could guess what’s truly going on.
At quitting time, before Luke can say anything to derail my concentration, I hand him the keys to my truck and give him the same sick mother story, hyping up the drama so he’ll believe that’s why I’ve been so unusual today.
He immediately understands, much to his credit, and even offers me support, just like a sensitive and caring person would. Lord, help me.
With that, I effectively avoid facing my problems head-on.
With only the clothes on my back and the duffel from my truck, Marcus drives me to the airport, and I get on the first available flight to Miami.
I’m startled awake by my mother’s horrified scream, followed by a solid stream of colorful expletives ending with the thinly veiled promise to put me in an early grave for scaring the shit out of her.
“Are you hurt?” she demands, her concern overshadowing the level of agitation in her voice at finding me asleep on her couch. That’s the Elaine Carlson I know. “Are you dying?”
“No,” I reply groggily, sitting up and rubbing my eyes.
I glance at my phone and see it’s only six o’clock—I forgot I got my love of the early morning from her.
It wouldn’t be an issue, except I’ve barely gotten more than four hours of sleep after driving the hour up to Boynton Beach from Miami at one in the morning.
“Did you kill someone?” Mom asks, quite seriously, moving to the window and pulling back the curtains as if checking to ensure we’re not being watched. “Are you on the run from the law? Do we need to hide a body?”
I can’t help but laugh at that. “Mom. Relax, please. No crimes have been committed.”
“Oh, good.” She sighs, coming to sit next to me on the couch. She grabs my chin in her hand, turning my face back and forth to look at me with a critical eye. “Are you depressed again? Are you eating?”
“Ma!” I cry indignantly, rolling my eyes.
She tugs on my too-long beard, telling me all I need to know about what she thinks of that before dropping her hand. “It’s not that I’m not happy to see you, honey, but you don’t usually just show up on my doorstep in the middle of the night unannounced unless something’s wrong.”
I sigh, dragging my hands down my face. Why does everyone seem to know me so well? It’s unsettling. And says a lot about my apparent inflexibility. I should probably work on that.
“Can we talk about it later?” I stifle a yawn. “I just want to go back to bed.”
“What time did you get here?”
“Around two, maybe.”
“Ethan!” Mom gasps, her brows knitting with a severe frown.
“You couldn’t be bothered to text me that you were coming?
Last night? I would have stayed up to wait for you.
What if you had fallen asleep at the wheel and driven into the ocean?
I couldn’t have even called a search party because I didn’t know you were in town! ”
“I’m sorry.” I groan, dropping my head against the couch and closing my eyes. I know she’s right, but I’m too tired to be put through a lecture. Honestly, I don’t know why I didn’t text her. To say it slipped my mind amidst the swirling panic is an understatement, but that’s still no excuse.
“Then, I wake up to find an unexpected man sleeping on my couch before I’ve even had my first cup of coffee,” Mom continues. “You’re lucky I realized it was you before I got the golf clubs out and started swinging.”
I laugh, opening one eye to look at her. I’ve seen this woman swing a golf club. It wouldn’t be pretty to be on the receiving end of it. “I’m grateful you didn’t hit me.”
“Are you sure you’re okay?” She frowns, but her features have softened considerably.
“I’m fine. But can we please talk about it later? I’m exhausted.”
Mom nods, reaching out and patting her hand on my knee. “You could have gone to the guest room when you came in. You didn’t need to sleep out here.”
“I was afraid I’d make too much noise and wake you up.
” I yawn, standing up with a big stretch.
Mom stands with me. She’s not that much shorter than me at 6’1”.
I get my height from her side of the family, but I look more like my dad.
“And I don’t know if it would have been worse if you found an ‘unexpected man’ sleeping in the room next to yours instead of out here. ”
“You’re right. I may have grabbed the gun.”
I snap my head at her with mild concern, but she just laughs. It’s a little terrifying to know she’s being serious.
“This is why you call someone to let them know you’re coming, so that accidental murders of presumed intruders do not occur.
” She smiles, every bit the warm and comforting expression she’s always had, but behind it, I can’t help but see that she would absolutely not hesitate to kill someone if she needed to.
“You weren’t kidding about hiding a body, were you?” I ask with a nervous chuckle.
“Ride or die, kiddo,” Mom says cheerfully. “I’d never let you go down without a fight.” She gives me a little wink. My god, I never realized my mom was this much of a badass.
Wrapping her arms around me, Mom puts her head on my shoulder and hums, “I am so happy to see you, kid. You don’t come around enough.”
I wince slightly at that statement, but hug her back just as tightly, lifting her up off the floor until she screams at me to put her down with peals of laughter. She smacks my arm as soon as she’s back on the ground, and I can’t help but grin.
“I miss when you were too little to do that.” She laughs. “Go back to sleep. We’ll chat later, okay?”
“Okay.” I nod. I give Mom another big hug, then head toward the spare bedroom.
I flop down on the bed, wrapping my arms underneath a pillow, and before I know it, I slip into unconsciousness, too tired to think about anything else.