Chapter 13 #2
His frame is so small compared to mine that I can completely envelop him in my arms, and it feels like two puzzle pieces coming together to make a whole.
The muscles of his back flex beneath my fingers, and I can’t help but brush my thumb across them absently as he lets out a shaky breath, squeezing me tighter.
Impossibly, he smells like fresh spring, a mix of sweet, subtle florals and woody musk, and I could easily get lost in his scent.
It’s like I’m lying in the grass, basking in the sun of the first warm days since winter, when life returns to everything.
I never want this to end, but we both know there’s a point where it must. When we do part, I see tears in Luke’s eyes. Then he huffs a laugh, wiping them away.
“Sorry. I’m a fucking mess,” he says, taking a deep breath.
“Never,” I chuckle.
He grins. “God, I can’t wait to see the look on Pete’s face when I drive home in that. He was already pissed when he thought I’d bought your truck. Hopefully, he’ll have a stroke when he finds out this is actually mine.”
I burst out laughing, and Luke smirks at my reaction.
Then we double over together until it seems like we can’t stop, feeding into each other's laughter like never-ending fuel to a fire. I feel like an ass for the idea of someone else’s demise being so funny, but then it was less about that and more about how Luke seemed so hopeful it would happen that it broke me down.
And now, it’s so lovely to see him genuinely happy that I don’t want to stop and let this moment go.
Eventually, we settle back down, but Luke doesn’t stop smiling.
He looks at me like he’s never seen the sun before, and he’s experiencing its warmth for the first time.
My smile lights up to match his, and my heart aches at how beautiful he is.
A shiver moves through my whole body at the thought that I made him this happy
I don’t remember the last time I was this happy, but damn, it feels good.
Chrissy and I are standing in the middle of her driveway, facing each other like there’s a canyon between us. She’s hugging her arms across her chest with a slight frown, looking me up and down with poorly disguised hurt on her face.
“You look good,” she says quietly, gesturing to my new haircut.
“Thanks,” I mumble, rubbing the back of my neck.
“Marcus said you went down to Florida.” She brushes her fingers over her arms anxiously. “He said your mom was sick? Is everything okay?”
I frown. God, that lie traveled fast. She must have contacted him when I wasn’t responding, checking to see if I was okay. “I did. She’s fine. I just got back, actually.”
We’re quiet for a moment, the space between us only expanding in the awkward silence.
“Did I do something wrong?” she blurts out, on the verge of tears.
I drop my head and sigh, closing my eyes. “No, you didn’t.”
“So why did you just drop me?” she demands. “What happened?”
My jaw clenches. I’m not good at this kind of thing—breaking things off. It requires delicacy, and that’s never been one of my strong suits. I always struggle to find the right words.
I hate the thought of hurting Chrissy, but we’ve only gone on one date, and with how upset she is, it feels like I’m ending a thirty-year marriage.
If nothing else, it proves this is the right move.
Luke or no, she was into me way more than I was into her.
If I had only listened to my gut at the beginning of all this, we wouldn’t be here right now.
“I’m sorry,” I say weakly. “I don’t have a good answer.”
“Were you really upset about that dinner?”
“No! God, no,” I reply quickly, snapping my head up. “Chrissy, I… You were perfect. You are perfect. But I can’t do this. I’m not a good fit for you.”
“Why would you say that?” She sniffs.
“Because I know myself. We might be good for a little while… maybe. But then, we’ll fizzle out like all my past relationships because my heart’s not in it, and I’ll wind up breaking yours in the process. I really don’t want to do that to you.”
“So, what you’re saying is that you just don’t like me.” Chrissy swallows hard, blinking back tears.
“I do like you, Chrissy. That’s the problem. I like you enough to know that I don’t want to hurt you, but if I lie and pretend everything’s fine when it’s not, you’ll be collateral damage.” Worse than you are right now, I think.
Chrissy searches my face seriously, furrowing her brow. “You can’t possibly know that for sure.”
“I shouldn’t have even agreed to go out in the first place.”
She huffs a laugh of hurt disbelief, and I curse at my delivery of that statement.
“I just mean that I wasn’t ready to start dating,” I try to clarify quickly.
“I only went for it because the guys thought it would be good for me, and you had already expressed interest. But that’s not a good enough reason to go out with someone, and you know that.
You deserve a partner who is 1,000% committed to you. It just can’t be me.”
Chrissy takes a shuddering breath, wiping at her cheek as a tear escapes. She looks down at the gravel driveway, absently kicking a stone with her foot.
“I know it sounds cliché to say ‘it’s not you, it’s me,’ but it really couldn’t be more accurate.
” I scrape a hand through my hair. “You are literally the kindest, sweetest person I know, but it’s not fair to you if I ignore my feelings when I’m just not into it.
You should be with someone better than me.
Someone who would actually make you happy. I won’t.”
“Okay.” Chrissy nods, still staring down at the ground. “Okay. I hear you.”
“Somewhere deep down, I knew I was going to fuck this up,” I say. “That’s why I was so worried about losing you as a friend when I ultimately did.”
Chrissy sighs, turning her head to look blankly across her front yard, thinking to herself.
The little golden cross glitters at her throat, and my eye twitches slightly to see it again.
I never really noticed how prominently she wore it until recently, but she must be truly devout—another reason we probably wouldn’t have worked out.
Eventually, she smiles, turning to look at me. Her face is full of love and understanding, despite her sorrow, and it hurts my heart. Even though I’m breaking hers, she’s still offering me kindness. I don’t doubt it’s genuine, but I don’t feel like I deserve it.
“I made a deal with you when we agreed to go out. We would try it and see how it went. I would be a hypocrite if I didn’t stand by that promise to be okay if it didn’t work,” she says softly.
“Clearly, it’s not working. Maybe more for you than me, but I get it.
It wasn’t meant to be. I can respect that. ”
I drop my head. “I’d understand if you don’t want to stay friends after this. You don’t owe me anything.”
“Oh, no. You’re not getting out of that as easily,” Chrissy chides with a laugh. “You’re stuck with me whether you like it or not.”
I meet her eyes, and she smiles again.
“I’ll be okay,” she insists. “I’m sad, but I’m a big girl. I can handle rejection, and at least you were honest and upfront about it now, instead of stringing me along. I can appreciate that. We’ll find love again. Both of us, even if it’s not with each other.”
I’m not sure what else to say to that. I’ve always known how kind Chrissy could be, but it’s impossible to comprehend how good she is.
Too good, even. Now, I’m questioning if she could even get mad at someone for hurting her.
I don’t think her personality is capable of hating anyone.
Seeing it only solidifies that I made the right choice here.
How could I live with myself if I dragged this beautiful soul through the mud?
Chrissy suddenly breaches the gap between us and wraps her arms around my waist tightly, pressing her head against my chest. I gingerly run a hand over her hair and hug her in return.
We stand like that for a minute before she makes a sad little sigh, pulling away, and I can see that there’s remorse about what she feels she’s losing out on.
“I’ll see you around, Ethan,” she says. “Don’t be a stranger, okay?”
I give a weak smile and nod, and Chrissy turns and heads back to her house without another word. But, as I turn and head back to my truck, I can’t deny that a weight has been lifted off my chest.