Chapter 16 #2
Marcus was right. It’s pitch-black outside.
The star-filled sky is perfectly clear, and even with the light of the moon’s reflective surface, it's still difficult to tell what’s on the ground.
We keep our flashlights aimed at the sand, but we can only see a few feet in front of us.
Combining the lack of visibility with the world spinning as much as it is from all the alcohol, maybe Marcus was right to worry about someone getting hurt.
Still, we make it down the wooden stairs and onto the beach without incident, and we walk along the long shoreline without a plan about how far we want to go.
“Are you having fun so far?” I ask, trying to keep the nervousness out of my voice. The sound of the water lapping up on the shore beside us is soothing, at least.
“I am,” Luke replies, and I can hear the smile in his voice. “I’m really glad you invited me.”
My cheeks warm. “Me too.”
“Your friends are pretty chill. Very straight, but I can see why you like them.” Luke chuckles, the sound moving through me like a bolt of electricity, making me shiver. I brush my hand along my chest as if that might help settle my heart.
“What makes you say that?”
“Well, let’s see…” Luke hums, standing up straighter.
“There was the endless debate over the upcoming NFL season, then the projections for who’s going to the World Series.
Or maybe it was the shift to shop-talk when everyone huddled around Eric’s truck after he said he was having issues with his timing belt.
And don’t even get me started on the flannel. ”
I burst out laughing. “You noticed that, too?” I thought it was a weird coincidence at first. Ben, Eric, and Marcus were all wearing varying degrees of flannel shirts, almost as if they’d planned it ahead of time.
I got the vibe that they were all dressing like lumberjacks for some man-of-the-mountain moment, but I wasn’t going to comment on it.
“I love a good flannel, but that seemed coordinated.” Luke laughs.
“Don’t get me wrong, though. I’m not judging.
It’s just… It’s been a minute since I’ve hung around this many straight people and felt truly comfortable, you know?
Your friends are very welcoming, even if I don’t understand half of what they talked about.
But tonight was nice. I’m not usually so relaxed around straight men. Present company excluded.”
My heart drops. He’s lumping me into that category.
Straight. I realize I’m still pretty new to the whole bi-discovery, but I feel a prickle of defensiveness about it.
Part of me is dying to blurt out that he’s got it wrong, that I’m one thousand percent not straight, and that every other thought in my brain is about kissing him.
Coming out to him now wouldn’t guarantee anything happening between us.
For all I know, I’m not his type, and he’ll never be interested in me romantically.
Maybe if I just get it out there, he can reject me and get it over with, so I can move on.
It’s the uncertainty that’s killing me. At the same time, I can’t help but wonder if telling him any of this will just ruin our friendship, especially right after he’s confessed that he feels comfortable with me.
But I don’t want to lie to him about it, either. If I let him go on thinking I’m straight, what chance do I have of seeing where this might go?
“Luke, I…” I release a shaky breath.
Except, before I can say anything else, the world suddenly goes a little lopsided, throwing me off balance.
It takes me a second to realize that my foot got caught on something I didn’t see with my flashlight, and I go down hard.
It happens in less than a second, but somehow, it feels like it takes forever to hit the ground. I roll over onto my back with a groan.
“Ouch.”
“Fuck, Ethan! Are you all right?” Luke cries out, dropping to the ground beside me with his hands on my chest and arm in a possessive way.
It feels like my skin is burning where he’s making contact, even though my sweater is a barrier between us.
I lost my flashlight somewhere in the fall, but Luke must have set his on the ground, the beam pointing out and illuminating the giant piece of wood I somehow missed in the dark.
It’s definitely the alcohol in my system, but I suddenly can’t stop laughing.
It’s the kind of giddy, ridiculous laughter of someone too drunk to take anything seriously, fueled by the fact that I just fucking tripped over a piece of driftwood.
All I can think of is Marcus’s warning that this was a dangerous idea and how he would be so pissed right now if he saw me.
Somehow, that makes me want to laugh even harder.
“Ethan, are you hurt?” Luke asks again, so severe and concerned, a stark contrast to how I’m feeling. He’s close enough that I can see how his brows knit together, and I finally take a deep breath and settle down, though I can’t get the grin off my face.
“Just my ego,” I say, and another bubble of laughter springs up. Jesus, I’m ridiculous.
“Maybe we should go back.” Luke sighs, and I can feel the relief in it. Was he really that worried?
“Or we could not do that and say we did.” I grin. “I’m comfy here on the ground.”
Luke chuckles. “Well, at least no one can say you’re not a fun drunk.”
“You’re what’s fun,” I say, quite seriously, though I’m not sure it sounds like it amidst my giggling.
Luke smirks and looks down the entire length of my body, shaking his head.
He idly brushes his hand across my chest, wiping off the sand I’m surely covered in.
I can’t hold back the little gasp that escapes my lips as the unexpected movement has my gut clenching.
Luke freezes at the sound and looks at my face with wide eyes before sitting back on his heels, taking his hands off me in a sharp movement.
Almost like he’s worried he overstepped.
The sudden absence of his hands on my body feels wrong, almost like he’s pulled away a part of me with the motion.