Chapter 31 #3
“Am I a monster or something?” he asks me suddenly. “Do I come off as someone who can’t be trusted with that kind of truth? Like I wouldn’t understand? Do I really seem like the kind of person who would hate someone just for being gay?”
“I don’t think it’s anything to do with you,” I say on a shaky exhale.
“Apparently, it is. If he’s that afraid to come clean with me, what does that say about me? Why wouldn’t he just tell me when he figured it out?”
“God, Marcus. Try to put yourself in his shoes,” I blurt, my voice rising in a knee-jerk defensive tone I have no control over.
“It’s probably really fucking scary discovering something like that about yourself and then having to wonder if your whole life will change because of it.
Having people who have known you one way your entire life suddenly see you differently and wonder if anything will ever be the same again once they find out you’re different.
You know what this town is like. What kids at his school are probably like.
He was probably terrified of the potential that he’d lose something precious to him, even if it is illogical because it’s you, and he knows that you love him unconditionally. ”
It's the closest I can bring myself to a confession, the words incredibly personal and fueled with passion, but safe under the guise that we’re still talking about Ryder. Not me.
Marcus regards me thoughtfully for a moment before slowly nodding his head.
He rubs a hand along the back of his neck.
“Okay. Yeah, no, you’re probably right. I guess I understand it, but it still fucking stings.
At least he told me eventually, I guess.
I’ll have to be content that I know for now and worry about the rest later. ”
I clench my jaw slightly and look away, feeling a knot in my stomach.
Even with the conversation throwing the door wide open—and all the windows, too, for that matter—I’m still too weak to cross the threshold.
Only this time, I bury it under the excuse that I’m trying to be there for Marcus right now.
Not everything needs to come back to me.
“Is Luke coming to the party today?” Marcus eventually asks, blessedly switching topics.
I nod. “Yeah, he was planning on it.”
“Good. He’s a cool guy. I like him. It seems like you two hang out a lot, too.
It’s nice that you’re becoming really good friends.
” He smirks, and I wince slightly but say nothing to correct him.
“It’s about time you have someone to hang out with besides me.
I was worried that you were becoming a hermit, living in your little library fortress with no one to talk to. ”
“Okay, you know what…” I scoff, but I'm unable to hide my smile. “You should probably be a little nicer to the person giving you money, dick.”
Marcus shakes his head and laughs, and then I turn and head inside, leaving him in the garage so I can go get the cash.
As I head for the stairs, I see that Luke has fallen back to sleep, curled up on the couch.
I’m quiet as I head up to the safe in my closet so I won’t disturb him.
Then, I stash the money in my sweatshirt pocket so that even if Luke wakes up, he won’t see it as I come back downstairs.
I go back out to the garage and hand Marcus the straps of bills, and he frowns when he sees the check on top of it, written out for a hundred thousand dollars.
“What the fuck is that?” Marcus balks, staring at it dubiously. “Take that back.”
“$15k for the car, the rest for the materials to fix it up.” I shrug.
“I don’t need that, Ethan.” Marcus picks up the check and tries to hand it back to me. “I don’t even need this to pay for the car, but I knew you’d have the cash on hand, and it was too last minute to get it out of the bank.”
“Either you take that check and deposit it by Monday, or I’ll be wiring it to your bank directly and adding another $20k for the inconvenience.”
Marcus groans, pinching the bridge of his nose.
“Jesus fucking Christ, you’re ridiculous.
This. This is why I don’t ask you for money.
I know I’ve yelled at you before for not spending more of it, but this isn’t what I meant.
You should blow it on expensive vacations.
Buy a fucking bookstore. Just do something for yourself for once. ”
“I don’t need to spend it on myself. I’ve got everything I want, and there’s still so much left that it’s pointless letting it sit there.
So, you’re doing me a favor by taking it off my hands.
Break it up into your kids’ college funds if it makes you feel better, but you know I’ll give them more when they get older, too, right? ”
Marcus huffs a laugh. “You’re such an idiot sometimes.”
“You know you love me.”
“You’re lucky I do, asshole.”
“I’ll see you later.” I smirk. “Tell Tiff that if she rips that check up, I’ll add another $50k to the wire.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Marcus waves a hand flippantly as he walks toward his car. “Wouldn’t dream of giving the resident millionaire another reason to throw his money away.”
He turns and gives me one more assessing look over his shoulder before he smirks and shakes his head, waving goodbye.