Chapter 14 #2
I looked up at Ivan, pleading silently. His jaw tightened, the vein in his temple throbbing. The effort of holding perfectly still while buried to the hilt in me showed in the fine tremor of his arms, the way his abs flexed against my stomach.
"We're discussing your situation at home," Ivan called out, his voice remarkably steady. "Go finish your homework. I'll check it later."
A pause.
The seconds stretched. I could hear my own heartbeat in my ears, could feel the slow, involuntary clench of my body around him that made his eyelids flicker.
"Okay!"
Footsteps padded away.
The second the sound faded, Ivan moved again—harder this time, no restraint left.
His hand dropped from my mouth, fingers threading through mine and pinning them above my head.
The sudden freedom of my lips lasted only long enough for a broken moan to escape before he claimed my mouth in a deep, messy kiss, swallowing the rest of the sounds.
He drove into me with short, powerful thrusts that shook the mattress, the headboard, the whole frame of the bed.
Every impact sent sparks racing up my spine.
My free hand clutched at his shoulder, then his back, then the sheets, needing something solid to hold while the rest of me came apart.
"Ivan. Oh God—"
He didn't slow down. His hips snapped against mine, relentless, and I couldn't hold back anymore.
My cries spilled out, muffled against his shoulder as he drove into me again and again.
The pressure built too fast, too high, coiling tight in my belly until it had nowhere left to go.
I came with a broken sob, walls clamping down hard around him, pleasure crashing through me in long, shuddering waves that left my thighs shaking and my vision white at the edges.
He kept moving through it, chasing his own end, the wet glide of him almost too much against oversensitive flesh.
When I finally came apart, he wasn't far behind, his whole body going rigid before he collapsed against me.
A low, guttural sound tore from his chest as he buried himself as deep as he could and pulsed hard inside me, flooding me with heat.
His forehead pressed to the pillow beside my head, breath ragged and hot against my ear.
For long seconds the only sound was the two of us trying to remember how to breathe, the occasional aftershock still fluttering through my core and drawing a quiet groan from him each time.
I was too exhausted to move. I managed to roll onto my side, turning my back to him. The sheets tangled around my calves, the air still heavy with heat.
He pulled me back against him, his palm settling over the red marks he'd left on my waist. Slowly, he tightened his hold, resting his chin in the curve of my shoulder.
"Anna," he rasped, "are you still angry with me?"
Angry?
Of course I was angry.
I turned my head and bit down on his jaw. My teeth sank in, tasting faint copper.
Five years, and those words still haunted me.
He grunted but didn't pull away. His hand rubbed slow circles on my back, like soothing a hissing cat.
I clenched my teeth. "You said I couldn't take care of myself. I did just fine without you these past five years."
He didn't respond. His fingers traced the shallow bite mark, pausing before he sighed.
"I wasn't thinking. I'm sorry."
Sorry?
His apology hung in the air. I didn't feel lighter. I felt worse.
If he was sorry, that meant the hurt was real. Those words had come from his mouth. Those days, I'd survived alone.
I turned my face into the pillow.
My warm breath dampened the fabric. My nose stung, and tears slipped out before I could stop them.
I didn't want him to see me cry. I buried my face deeper, shoulders shaking.
His chest pressed against my back, his heat seeping into my cold skin like a wall shielding me.
I sniffed. "I won't forgive you."
Ivan and I—we were never the type that could be fixed with an apology.
Those first two years after Alex was born, I worked three jobs just to cover rent and formula. Days at the grocery store, nights at the gas station.
One winter, Alex got pneumonia. I sat with him in the ER hallway all night, not enough money in my pocket for the co-pay. I crouched against the wall, texting every classmate I could think of, begging for loans.
At my lowest, I ate one piece of bread a day. Stood for twelve-hour shifts until my feet swelled out of my shoes. Came home and cooked for Alex, read him stories, then collapsed at the kitchen table to prep lesson plans after he fell asleep.
I thought I'd break so many times. But every time I looked down at Alex's slate-blue eyes—wet and clear like glass marbles—I told myself I had to keep going. We had no one else in this city.
I felt his arms tighten around me. His chin pressed into the top of my head, his breath trembling, but he said nothing.
Those hardships couldn't be erased with soft words.
Outside the bedroom, Alex's voice rang out.
"Are you guys done talking?"
I wiped my face quickly, pulling free from Ivan's arms. "We're done."
I got up and dressed, walking to the mirror. My cheeks were flushed, but otherwise I looked fine. I pressed my fingertips under my eyes, smoothing away the last traces of moisture. Then I glanced back.
Ivan was still buttoning his shirt, fumbling with the buttons, misaligning them twice.
My temple throbbed. I walked over and undid each button, realigning them properly.
"Sorry," he said above my head, a trace of laughter in his voice. "It's too dark in here. I can't see."
His excuse sounded deliberate.
I shot him a look, said nothing, and finished the last button before pulling my hand back.
I turned and opened the door. Alex stood there, hands behind his back, little face tilted up. His eyes darted between me and Ivan before settling on me.
"Mom, why'd you guys talk for so long?"
I touched the top of Alex's head, feeling the heat creep back into my face.
What was I supposed to say?
But just because I stayed silent didn't mean Ivan would.
He chuckled behind me, casual. "Because I needed to understand you and your mom properly. That takes time."
Alex perked up, practically bouncing. "So do you understand now?"
Ivan raised an eyebrow, his gaze sliding past Alex's head and landing on me.
"Absolutely. Got a very thorough understanding."