Chapter Fifteen – Esme
Chapter Fifteen
Esme
“As good as dead,” I say back to him. “Dramatic much?”
Osric releases my arm. He steps back from me, and his hand curls closed at his side. He looks at the road instead of my face. Black stones litter the path, dust drifts down through the last of the coppery light, and my ears still ring from the force of the wind.
“Explain,” I say. “Dead how? Dead from what? The heat? The storms? I already know the desert kills humans.”
He says nothing. His tail curves high over his shoulder, stinger pointed in my direction.
“You bought me. You signed a contract, put your name beside mine, and you drove me across the desert to your home. Why would you buy a woman who’s as good as dead the moment she steps foot on your land?”
“Esme.”
“What or who am I in danger from?” I step toward him, and he takes another step back. This is turning into a ridiculous dance. “Is it Haara? Does your city want the humans gone? Is it the Scorpii? Some law I don’t know about, some punishment for keeping us? Or is it you? Am I in danger from you?”
“We need to leave,” he says.
“That’s your answer…”
“Get in the car.”
“No. You bolted your door and starved yourself, and when you finally came out, your eyes were black and you wouldn’t tell me why.
You gave us an hour to pack, and you wouldn’t tell me why.
You drove us out into a storm that could have killed the three of us, and still, you wouldn’t tell me why.
Now you say I’m as good as dead, and I should just take your word for it? Your behavior is erratic.”
“The why changes nothing,” he says. “You need to be somewhere else. That’s all that matters.”
“Let’s get this straight, it’s my life we’re discussing here. If I’m as good as dead, I want to know what’s going to kill me. You owe me that much before you push me away.”
“I’m keeping you safe.”
“You’re managing me.” I close the space he created between us, and this time, he holds his ground.
I have to tip my head back to look at him.
“My parents managed me. They decided what I wore, who I married, and what I was allowed to know. Every decision came with a speech about my own good. You promised me you were different. You told me I could stay as long as I needed, that the choice was mine, yet you’re trying to get rid of me under the pretense of offering me freedom. ”
“Esme, please.”
He sounds pained, but I don’t care. I’m not letting him win. He will not drive me away when I want to stay, when I’ve decided that he… That he might be the man for me.
“Curse you, Osric Aren.” My eyes sting with unshed tears. “Curse you and your pretended kindness. You’re no different from the rest of them. You just apologize more.”
I turn my back on him and start walking toward the house. If he won’t drive me home, I’ll walk.
Darina remains standing beside the car with her arms crossed over her chest and dust in her hair.
She stares between me and Osric, unsure if she should intervene.
She settles on leaning against the car and closing her eyes.
I understand her completely. She never asked for my family’s disaster, nor for this.
“Esme, stop.” I can hear Osric behind me, his shoes crunching the cracked dirt.
“No.”
“You can’t walk back. Get in the car and I’ll…”
“You’ll what?” I keep walking. “Drive me to the portal? Pick the city you send me to, while you’re at it?”
“Stop.”
“If you want me gone,” I say, “you’ll have to pick me up and carry me there kicking.”
He reaches for me. His fingers brush my arm, and I jerk away before he can grab me.
I run. The air is hot and dry, I can barely breathe, sweat soaks my back, but I run because there’s something in me that screams it’s the only thing that makes sense.
The road is rough and littered with sharp stones. I don’t let it intimidate me. I’m as fast as I can be, my arms driving, my breath loud in my ears. It’s madness, because there’s nowhere to go that he can’t follow, and nothing at the end of this except his own place.
I look back to see what he’s doing.
He hasn’t moved. Osric stands in the middle of the road where I left him, his body rigid. He’s as tense as a bow pulled taut.
I remember the book. The guide said that the female runs and the male gives chase. I read it curled on the loveseat with my thighs pressed together, and later, I pretended that it hadn’t affected me.
I’m running from a Scorpius male. Among his people, running is an invitation. He’s frozen in place because he wants to chase after me, but he’s fighting it.
What I’m doing is reckless, probably stupid. He’s a predator built for the desert, and I’m a soft-skinned human who couldn’t outrun the slowest thing in Otheera. I was raised to be careful, to lower my eyes, to hold my tongue, and never provoke a man. A sensible woman would stop right now.
I grin back at him and run faster.
Behind me, stone cracks under his boots. He’s running.
I hear him coming, and a cry breaks out of me, half terror and half joy. I look back again. He’s closing on me with long strides, faster than any human could move, his tail stretched out behind him for balance, his eyes fixed on me and nothing else.
I understand that I’m prey. I face forward and run harder. My lungs burn, but I can see the house ahead now, dark and solid. I realize how enormous it is. I don’t think I’m running from him; I think I’m leading him home.
I reach the porch. My feet land on the stone steps before he catches me.
His hands close around my waist, he turns me around, and my back meets the wall of the house.
His body presses up against mine as he pins me to the scorching stone.
He closes me in completely, forearms braced on either side of my head, his chest against my chest. I can feel the size of him, his weight, his strength that holds me trapped without any effort at all.
He’s panting. I’m panting. Our breaths mix in the narrow space between us.
I like it. I like being caught, held, covered by someone so big and so strong. I never imagined it would make me feel so alive. In Concord, a man’s hands on me made me sick. Osric doesn’t touch me, and I want him to. Running from him was the most alive I’ve ever felt, but being caught feels better.
Over his shoulder, his stinger curves toward my face. I look straight at it and don’t flinch.
I laugh. It comes out of me breathless and wild, the laugh of a woman I was never allowed to be before.
Then I look into his eyes, and my laugh dies. Because he’s not playing like I am.
His eyes are full of terror and pain. His arms tremble on either side of my head, his jaw is clenched so hard the muscles stand out along it, and his breath comes through his teeth in short, harsh pulls.
He holds himself over me by force, every part of him held rigid, a male keeping himself together with nothing but will.
“Osric.” I say his name softly. “What’s happening to you?”
He doesn’t answer. He squeezes his eyes shut.
“What are you keeping from me? Why are you like this?”
He hangs his head. His long hair swings forward and hides his face from me.
“I can’t tell you,” he whispers.
“Why not?”
“Because I’m ashamed. Because when you know, you’ll think I’m a monster.”
I lift my hand and cup his cheek.
“You are a monster,” I tell him. “A Scorpius. But living with you, under your roof for these past few days, taught me monsters aren’t that bad. Maybe they’re better than humans. Maybe humans are the monsters.”
He looks at me, but I can see he doesn’t believe it.
“If I tell you,” he says, “you’ll want to leave.”
“I don’t think so. Try me.”
His forehead drops until it almost touches mine. His breath brushes over my mouth, and I feel how hard it is for him to hold back. It feels like he’s about to snap. I don’t know what that means, but I want him to.
“I’ve made my decision.” My thumb brushes over his cheekbone, and he doesn’t pull back. “I don’t know what will happen. I don’t know how this works, any of it. But I’m your bride, and I want to try. But you have to be honest with me, Osric.”