Chapter 33 #2
"What are you doing, Ilya?" she whispered.
Her question took me aback; it didn’t make any sense to me. What the hell did she mean, what was I doing?
"Looking after you." I kept rubbing my thumb over her skin. "Holding your hand?" I tried to lighten the tone.
Slowly she blinked her eyes open. "Why?"
"Because—" I swallowed hard. She arched an eyebrow. "Because," I tried again, and this time my voice came out stronger, "I can’t stand the idea of you being alone."
Steadily she stared at me for a few seconds. And the unspoken words hung between us.
I knew what I had to say, but my lips just wouldn’t form the words. Even though they were right there on the tip of my tongue.
Jesus, why couldn’t I say them? I knew what she was thinking, because it’s what she had always thought. That I didn’t love her. When in reality, I loved her more than anything else apart from my son. I had no problem telling Alec that he was my world, so why couldn't I say the words to her?
I needed to, otherwise I was going to lose her. I could already see her pulling away.
"You don’t owe me anything," she whispered, and the pain in her voice was palpable. "I would protect Alec with my life. You don’t have to pretend to care."
Keeping her hand firmly in mine, I slid the other one under her chin. "I know that, Daisy. I know what you did for him. You’re his mom."
"Yeah."
"I can never repay you for keeping him safe." I frowned. That wasn’t what I had planned on saying. I didn’t want this to be transactional because that’s how it was in the past, and I didn’t want to go back there.
"Just don’t force me out of his life again," she begged. "That’s all I ask. No matter what happens next. Please let me be his mommy. I don’t want to leave him."
I tightened my grip on her hand. "Never," I promised. "Never again. You’re his mom and you need to be in his life." I gulped hard. "I want you in my life as well. If that’s something you want."
"Ilya," she whispered my name. Half prayer, half whimper of fear. And that gutted me. I had been terrible to her, I knew that, but I never wanted to hear her say my name like that ever again. I took a deep breath to steady myself.
"I can’t force you to want to be with me. But we have a son and we are about to have another baby and—"
She yanked her hand away from mine. "So that’s why? Because I’m pregnant? That’s why I am back here?"
I grabbed at her hand before she could hide it under the blankets from me. Bringing it to my lips, I kissed each knuckle.
"I don’t want you in my life because you are the mother of my children," I growled out raggedly, finally admitting to her how I felt in a rush. "I want you in my life because I am in love with you."
She let out a hissing breath, her eyes wildly roving over my face.
"I have been in love with you for over six years, Daisy." For a second I closed my eyes. Because next to the fear of almost losing them, this was the scariest thing I had ever done in my entire life.
I wasn’t the kind of man who laid his heart out. Most people would say I didn’t have a heart, and for a long time I had believed them. It was Daisy who made me realize that I could love.
She deserved to know that I loved her so much that at times it felt like I was drowning when she wasn’t near. In the years she had been gone, I had been half a man. A ghost. Alive but not living. And each minute without her had felt like I was suffocating.
"But—"
Leaning forward, I pressed my thumb against her lips.
"I know I don’t deserve a second chance," I whispered.
"I believed the worst in you, instead of what I knew you were like.
I thought you had run from us." My breath shuddered in my chest. "I thought what we had meant nothing to you.
After you left, I was in so much pain that I almost wanted to kill myself. "
Daisy's eyes widened. "But I didn’t—" she hiccuped softly. "I didn’t run. I didn’t leave you, Ilya. I wasn’t given any other choice."
"I know," I murmured softly. "I know that now. I know my grandfather forced you away. I know he threatened you. I know everything, and I am ashamed."
"You hurt me," she whispered. "Maybe not physically, but emotionally. You’ve punished me for something I never did, Ilya. I don’t think I can go through that again even if I do love you."
"It won’t be like that," I promised, almost jumping from the seat to the edge of the bed so I could pull her into my arms. "I swear, Daisy. It won’t be like before." Suddenly I paused. Pulling away slightly, I searched her face as I realized what she had just said. "Wait, did you just say—"
Her eyes darted away.
"No." I forced her to look at me. "No, you don’t get to hide from what you just said."
"It’s not important."
"You said you love me." I kept my gaze locked in hers. "Didn’t you?"
"Yes," she whispered.
"And is that how you really feel?" I didn’t want to give myself hope if there wasn’t any. Like Daisy, I couldn’t go through the heartache again.
"Do you love me, Daisy?" I asked softly. "Because I love you."
Her eyes darted up to meet mine.
"I am so fucking in love with you," I admitted, and the words flowed. "That it’s hard to breathe when you’re not in the same room. I have been in love with you from the moment I first laid eyes on you."
"Yes, Ilya. I love you. I always have."
At first I didn’t believe my ears, and then I realized she was looking at me expectantly, and my lips found the corner of her mouth. Just the smallest press of my lips against hers.
"Stay here," I murmured against her lips. "Don’t move."
"Where are you going?" she asked, sitting up straighter in the bed. She looked so tiny sitting there amongst all the pillows.
I didn’t answer her; moving into the other room, I headed towards the safe.
When I came back, falling onto one knee at her bedside, there was a blue leather box in my hand. I flicked it open.
For a second, Daisy's eyes darted down to the antique sapphire and diamond ring nestled against the fabric.
"Ilya?" she whispered, her eyes darting from the ring to my face in quick succession. "What is this?"
"An engagement ring, Daisy," I said with a chuckle.
"When did you—" She kept looking at the ring like she recognized it. "That’s not the ring you gave—"
I cut her off before she could finish. It was insulting that she thought I would give her the same ring as that snake.
"No. And to answer your question, I got it six and a half years ago." A smile tugged up my lips. "Don’t you recognize it?" I asked. "You saw it years ago when we were shopping. It was the week before Christmas and we had just been ice skating. Do you remember?"
Slowly she lifted her eyes to my face. "Yeah, I remember. It was in the window of that little antique shop. But we didn’t go inside and I didn’t say anything, so how did you know?"
Chuckling, I shrugged. "I saw how you looked at it, like it was the most beautiful thing you had ever seen. You tried to hide it. But I saw. So I went back and bought it."
Heat flushed her cheeks. "You bought me a ring six years ago?" she whispered.
"Longer. It was before we found out you were pregnant. I knew then that you would be my wife."
And wasn’t that the truth.
"I am sorry it took me so long to ask you, Daisy. But I’m asking now, and if you agree, I will spend the rest of my life, every single second of every single day, making things up to you and making you happy," I croaked. "I swear it."
She didn’t say anything. She just kept looking at me. Almost like she was trying to read my thoughts.
"Fuck, Daisy," I groaned finally when I couldn’t take her silence any longer. "Please, just put me out of my misery."
Gripping my shirt front, she yanked me forward with more strength than I expected. Her mouth found mine.
"Yes," she whispered against my lips.
I didn’t dare believe what I was hearing. "Daisy, don’t—"
"I’m not joking, I’m not playing games, and I am not running ever again. I want to be with our family. I want to be with you because you are the only man I have ever loved."
God, I felt the same. She was the only woman I had ever loved, and she would be the only woman I ever loved for the rest of my life.
"Does this mean you will stay? That you will be my wife?"
She kissed me again. "Yes, Ilya, I will be your wife."