25. Rose
ROSE
The truth.
Kon deserves the truth.
The whole truth.
But what will that mean for me?
The moment he thought I'd betrayed him, the anger consumed him and it's sheer luck that he didn't just kill Calvin and I on that bench.
There's no way I can tell him the truth about the deal with my father and the real reason I'm here, without him reacting the same way or worse.
Because that will be a worse betrayal than that picture.
I need to tell him something though, because if this ends here, there's no way I can save my family.
All of this will have been for nothing.
"Okay." I sniffle and quickly wipe my eyes. "I'll tell you. You're right, the picture is real."
Despite the sharp scent of alcohol rising from Kon, his eyes remained focused on me like a hawk, and everything else simply falls away.
It's just me and him and the very next words out of my mouth will dictate whether he stays with me, or my family dies.
I take a deep breath that fails to ease the tightness in my chest, then press my hands together, threading my fingers and clenching my knuckles.
"I kissed Calvin. I did. But Calvin immediately pushed me away. That picture must have been taken in the half-second where he didn't know what I was doing."
Kon's eyes flicker and his jaw tightens.
"I did it for you. For us. I heard those generals talking at the party and they were saying all these things about you, Kon.
Doubting you because you couldn't produce an heir, so what would that mean for the business?
These criminals rely on strong family ties because that's how the longevity of this world lasts, but these generals…
they didn't have faith in you. So I was trying really hard and then… "
I pause and the next part flows so much easier because it's the truth.
"You told me you were infertile and I realized it could take years for us to conceive.
And in that time, god knows what those generals would do.
You already had a leak and all it would take is one bad day, one disgruntled man to decide that you were no longer strong enough to follow.
So I… I felt it was my responsibility to fix this for you and my failure that it hadn't happened already.
I was desperate, okay? Getting my period again felt like a huge beacon that I'd failed you, and so I threw myself at Calvin, thinking that if I just got pregnant by anyone, then it would help you. "
I clutch my knuckles tighter, unable to look away from Kon, who continues to stare at me.
He's utterly silent, and the quiet is growing, so in a bid to fill it, I can't help myself, and I start talking all over again.
"That was the only time, I swear. There is nothing between us.
That general who got that picture, I don't know why he would have suspicions about anything because there is nothing between me and Calvin.
He's been a friend and that's all. He immediately pushed me away and he told me he was going to tell you, he just wanted to understand why I'd done it and I didn't know what to tell him so I just—" I cut myself off.
Will Calvin tell Kon what I told him about my family?
Should I have worked that into my story somehow?
Doubt crashes over me in a cold wave and I shiver, caught between my lies and the terror that Calvin might derail this lie by telling Kon everything.
I'll be back at square one.
But there's no going back and I don't want Calvin harmed because of me.
So I stick with my story.
Kon finally moves.
Like the creak of a tree, he uproots from the spot he was standing and moves past me toward the bed.
There, he sits down slowly and rests his elbows on his thighs with his hands dangling down between his knees.
I watch him and then take a cautious step forward.
If he's angry, I'll take it. If he's already spoken to Calvin and knows this is a lie then I'll work it out as I talk.
Whatever his reaction is, I brace myself for it and clench my teeth.
Anger doesn't come. Neither does disgust at my desperation.
Kon's voice remains calm and quiet as he speaks slowly.
"I would love kids. A kid. Any kid. It is a desire I have carried for a long time but I understand my limitations and I am at peace with it.
" He slowly lifts his head and meets my eyes.
"It is not something I think about anymore.
It is not something I plan for, or work into my schemes and routine.
I do not and have never expected you to churn out babies for me like some kind of machine.
If we never have kids, I am okay with that. "
Okay, maybe I wasn't prepared for all of his possible reactions.
"But…" My brow tightens. "Everyone talks."
"I do not care, Rose. And it pains me that I did not see that this would affect you. You are so young, I also did not expect you to be so determined to have a baby at your age when we have our lives ahead of us." He straightens up and holds out a hand to me.
After a moment of hesitation, I take it.
He slowly draws me closer until I'm standing between his spread legs, and my heart pounds so wildly, I'm certain he must be able to hear it.
"Let them talk," Kon says. "You place this expectation on yourself, and for that, I am sorry.
Your worth to me is not linked to your ability to carry my child and if it happens, I want it to be my child.
Not someone else's. These people who talk, I am aware of what they say and I have plans in place for many situations that may arise from people thinking I am unfit to lead due to a lack of an heir.
Those people will think out loud and I will continue to prove them wrong. And you, my dear…"
Kon slowly lifts his other hand and places it against my cheek. His touch is warm but it's difficult not to flinch as the memory of him beating Calvin is still so fresh in my mind.
"It is not your responsibility. Such a thing would be a gift.
I am… sorry, Rose. I am sorry I did not see this.
I am sorry I did not anticipate this and I am sorry if you feel I misled you about my fertility.
If your family has their own expectations, then I will talk to them.
If anyone has said anything to you directly, then I will deal with them.
It…" He stops and briefly closes his eyes.
"It pains me that you could not come and talk to me about this. "
The guilt is overwhelming. Somehow, Kon managed to give me the sweetest, most understanding response I could have ever imagined, and the whole thing is tainted by my lies.
My desperation for a child can't be soothed because Mathew will never stop.
He will never let up and until my family is safe, I have to obey.
But Kon talks with such comfort and trust that I just know, deep down, if I tell him the truth then I will break his heart.
And I can't do that. I don't want to do that.
How do I choose?
"I am sorry," Rose," Kon says quietly. "Ethan was right. I… saw red and I let my anger get the better of me when I should have come to speak to you."
"Ethan?" My brow lifts. "I thought he was in the hospital?"
"Someone informed him of what happened and he checked himself out."
"Oh my god, is he alright?"
"He is stable. He is fine. He… gave me a stern talking-to and helped me realize I overreacted. I am so sorry, Rose. I hope you can forgive me."
Staring down into his eyes, my heart skips a beat with the comforting, yet painful realization that I've fallen for him.
The hours I spent up here crying about what happened in the garden wasn't just because I was worried for Calvin and my family, but also because I feared Kon would never look at me again the way he's looking at me now.
I very slowly lift my hands to the sides of his neck. "Will Calvin be alright?"
Kon nods. "I will let him go. And I will apologize to him.
Whether he forgives me is up to him. And…
" Kon draws in a steadying breath. "I hope you will forgive me.
Tell me what I can do to ease your worries about a baby.
If it is in my power, I will do it. I will tell you every day that it is not important to me, I will tell you every day that your value to me has nothing to do with our ability to have children.
I will show you the work I do, I will integrate you into my empire, and you will see that we are strong, not to be shaken by rumors or men stuck in the past who believe an heir is the only pillar of success. "
I don’t deserve Kon.
He sits before me, begging for my forgiveness when it should be the other way around.
My heart breaks as I lean down and press a gentle kiss to his lips, and as he kisses me back, an idea suddenly forms in the back of my mind.
Maybe there is something I can do. Something that will protect my family and Kon.
All this time, Mathew has held the threat to my family over me, and I have bent and obeyed because I have no choice.
But in the same thread, I am important to him.
Without me, he has nothing.
Of course, nothing will matter at all if Calvin tells Kon what I told him.
Then my life will crumble regardless.
With nothing left to lose, I might as well try one last time.
"Promise me something," I say as I slide into his lap and cradle his head to my chest.
"Anything," Kon replies instantly.
"Promise me that the next time you doubt me, you will talk to me first. Please."
Kon gazes into my eyes as he nods. "I promise."
"Good. Now apologize," I murmur, leaning closer to his lips. "Apologize properly."