10. Roman
ROMAN
The rage hits again, as always when it comes to her. My hand flexes at my side, the need to act not quite gone. I don’t know what Dr Fisher did, not precisely, but I saw enough. The way Fae’s body pulled inward, the tightness around her mouth, the instinctive recoil she could not hide from me.
I need to know what he said to her, but I am going to have to be careful about it.
If there is one thing I know about Tinkerbell, it is that she is a flight risk.
Fae’s strength is what first drew me in, but after watching her for these three years, I realised it was never quite what it seemed.
She is strong, yes, but underneath it all is a lost little girl desperate for somebody to save her.
I might be a monster to most, but to her, I have only ever wanted to be a hero.
Keeping her trembling body close to mine, I escort her out of her Father’s mansion. The further we get away from Dr Fisher, the more my anger dissipates but I will be damned if I do not leave today with some answers.
“Keys,” I state, putting my hand out towards Fae as we reach her car.
“Where’s your car?” she questions, screwing up her cute button nose.
“I took a cab here.” I open and close my palm in front of her face to show I still want the keys. “There was no way you were driving home. As it is, I should punish you for driving and taking an unnecessary journey without me, but we have more important things to discuss.”
Fae breathes deeply, lifting her face up into the sky like a cat basking in the sunlight.
I count to ten in my head, mimicking the habit she has whenever she is stressed and wait for her to look back at me.
I don’t think she realises that I know. I mean, sure, the first few times I saw her annoyed, I thought she was just using the silent treatment as a response.
It wasn’t until much later that I noticed it was a pattern.
Whenever she closes her eyes or tilts her face to the sky and takes those slow breaths, I know it’s going to take her ten seconds to respond.
It’s kind of cute, if you think about it.
After exactly ten seconds, she drops her head and opens those beautiful, piercing green eyes, staring intently at my face. Another ten seconds passes before she opens her black Prada fold shoulder bag and digs around for her keys.
She drops the keys into my hand and makes her way over to the passenger side, opening the door before I can help her in. Undeterred, I follow and buckle her in, taking in every inhale of her sweet vanilla and honey scent.
As if my hands have a mind of their own, I lean back onto my heels and cup the soft, creamy skin of her face.
A light pink blush blooms across the apples of her cheeks and I can’t help the smug smile that crosses mine.
Leaning in, I press a kiss to her forehead before standing up, shutting her door, and making my way to the driver’s seat.
“Look, Ro…” she starts to say.
“Ssssh,” I cut her off, grabbing her cheeks and turning her face so she looks at me. At this point, it is a compulsion. I can’t not have her looking at me.
Her eyes narrow as I press my finger to her lips and pull my phone out. Typing quickly, I hand it to her once I’m done with the message and put the car into first gear.
Roman:
I can’t check for bugs in this car, Tink. We’ll talk when we’re somewhere secure.
She bristles, her eyes going wide as she takes another gulp of air. Looking over, I watch her drop her head back against the headrest as she closes my phone, and I press shuffle on her Spotify. ‘Lose Control by Teddy Swims’ blasts through the surround sound.
Taking a left out of her Father’s estate instead of a right, I am surprised she hasn’t questioned me.
Taking another peek, I realise her eyes are closed, and in that moment, I decide to change course.
One of my favourite places in Essex is a quiet seaside town about four miles northeast of Clacton-on-Sea.
Everyone has heard of Clacton. They go for the arcades, the amenities, but me? I prefer the peace that Holland-on-Sea brings. Clacton is nothing but pebbles and an overpopulated seafront. But Holland, on a hot summer’s day, feels like you could be anywhere else.
I mean, sure, would I prefer to be on a beach in Bora Bora?
The Maldives? Of course. But when The Company has been in charge of your life for so many years, sometimes you have to find the joy in the smallest things.
It is only a thirty-minute drive from Coggeshall and with it being midday, the traffic is bound to be clear.
I get lost in my thoughts as I drive. My questions consume me.
Fae has always been an enigma. Felix once told me she was off limits, which only made me more curious.
He said she had a hard childhood, and when I asked him why, he refused to say.
I changed tactics and asked about his childhood, but all I got was that everything changed after his mother died.
I can’t relate. My mum is still very much living and breathing.
I love my mum as much as I can love anyone, really.
I think my parents are the best that our world can offer.
My dad lives in the grey area of morality, but I have seen and learnt some shit over the course of my life that turns even my stomach and I know he is not that evil. That is how I justify it, anyway.
My mum is the softness he lacks and he is the protection she cannot provide for herself. They are complete opposites, but somehow balance each other perfectly. That is what Fae is to me. The yin to my yang.
I let the fear of rejection from Fae hold me back and for weeks now I have been kicking myself.
Initiation isn’t that far away and soon we will all make our choices in blood.
Now, I don’t know exactly what initiation entails.
What I do know is that the women in The Company outweigh the men two to one, meaning for every one man, there are two women.
We have no idea why that is. Most families have multiple children, but they all seem to have one son and several daughters.
No matter how often they try for another son, it never happens.
I have even heard stories of couples using IVF to try and trick the system, getting as far as implanting a male embryo before it dies after birth or the mother miscarries.
My dad got his son the first time around.
He never wanted any more after that, so I have been raised as an only child.
I never minded though. Could you imagine…
it would be like Felix but a thousand times worse.
Not only would I have had to deal with germ-infested milk bottles, but I would have grown up with someone else’s dirty, grubby hands mixing food on my plate or licking my toys.
God forbid they went into my room or tried to touch me. No. Only child life for me is a dream.
It does add pressure though. Dad wants his dynasty to continue and with that comes expectations. During initiation, we are to choose two women who ‘battle it out’ to become our promised at graduation, but he is making such a big deal out of it.
A promised is, in layman’s terms, your fiancé. You have two years after graduation to marry them. If you fail, you are eliminated. Every part of our society is about strengthening your position, whether that is through marriage, reproduction, blood ties, or skill set. It all plays a part.
The issue is, I am not interested in anyone else. The thought of anyone else touching me makes me feel sick. How I am meant to choose another woman when I have Fae is beyond me. Every meeting I have with dad, he throws different desperate girls at me. Every meeting, I tell him the same thing.
I only want Fae.
The problem is, Fae is a Swallow and dad is convinced that is not a good enough position for his future daughter-in-law.
The hypocrisy of The Company does my head in.
We are told to protect the Swallows, that they are the most important people in our society, and then in the same breath, we are told they are too dirty to be made an honest woman.
Well, fuck that. Not only does Fae not need to sleep with someone to do her job, but she won’t need to be a Swallow at all if I marry her.
As one of the founders my wife can retire from her active position in The Company and focus on raising the next generation.
In the end, dad and I agreed that I would choose one of the women and he would choose the other.
Ultimately, whoever he picks will end up in the compound because I simply will not be interested in them. If I can’t have Fae, I want nobody.
It is as simple as that.
The only hiccup is I just need to convince her.
Dad told me Mr Ackworth has not put Fae forward for any suitable men, which surprised me.
I guess, for him, he has Felix to continue his legacy and some warped belief that Swallows belong in the compound to live and breathe their job.
The idea of her living out her days as nothing more than a weapon has me gripping the steering wheel tighter.
Over my dead body will I ever let her subject herself to a life like that.
Dad gave me strict rules for after initiation that will be a tightrope to manage. I am to take the woman he chooses on dates and actually give her the time of day. Threats have already been made and I am not na?ve enough to doubt him.
It is why I regret not developing something more with Fae before this.
If I had, maybe she would trust me enough.
I worry that when the time comes, too much damage will have been done.
When the time is right, I will tell her everything.
I know she does not trust me fully yet; I can see it in the way she is still guarded, but soon she will have no choice.