12. Fae #2
Over the next fifteen minutes, Riggs fires questions left, right and centre.
Some are stupid, like my favourite breed of dog or food.
Others are sharper, asking if I know who The Company are and why I am being interrogated.
I manipulate my body language with each answer, trying to throw him off.
This is not just about reading the other person, it is about how well we lie.
How we hold under pressure. What we give away without meaning to.
In the end, neither of us wins. Riggs cannot give a conclusive answer, but he still explains to Professor Wilson what he picked up from my body language. Weirdly, we are the only ones praised, while the rest of the class are given an extra assignment for this evening.
We finally leave the seminar and head to the cafeteria.
I have one more lecture today, then I can go home and try to re-centre myself.
As I walk in, too many eyes land on me. Riggs feels it too, as he shifts slightly in front of me, his head turning as he scans for anything off.
That’s the problem with this place. It’s why I’m lucky to have the people I do around me.
Everyone else is out for themselves. They smell weakness like wolves smell blood.
‘I heard she finally broke.’
‘I can’t believe she’s related to Felix.’
‘She just kept screaming, get off me.’
‘What an embarrassment to her family.’
‘God, it was like an exorcism.’
“Ignore it, fairy,” Riggs commands.
He shifts both our bags to his other side, then wraps an arm around me and pulls me close.
Riggs is a weapon at six foot three and heavily muscled.
He might come across as the happy-go-lucky one, but you do not want to be on his wrong side.
I have seen him take down men bigger than him like they were nothing.
We reach the table and I sit beside Felix. He pushes a tuna and mayo jacket potato towards me, tapping the plate. I eat in silence as the guys banter back and forth, as my mind drifts to Roman.
I wonder if he is okay.
Part of me says it is normal to worry about a friend, but the truth is, I have always had a soft spot for him as more than that. If anything happened to him, I would never forgive myself.
They try to pull me into the conversation, but I go through the motions, answering where I can. My heart is not in it. I wonder if this is what my whole experience would have been if Robyn had not come into my life. This quiet, consuming loneliness.
“Felix,” a woman purrs, my head jolts up as I take in Rebecca.
I have always hated her. Her and her little merry band of bitches.
Rebecca, Maya and Quinn are the epitome of everything I cannot stand and I hate them even more for making me feel that way.
I am a girl’s girl through and through. I never blame women for men’s indiscretions, so when I find one who disgusts me to my core, it burns hotter.
She is beautiful. If beauty was only surface level and you didn’t mind losing brain cells every time she opened her mouth. Her blue eyes look lifeless to me and her bleached blonde hair does nothing for her pale complexion.
“Bex,” Felix responds as my head snaps towards him. I must mouth the word Bex because she starts to giggle and Felix looks straight at me.
“What’s wrong with your brother giving me a nickname? It’s not like you don’t have one, fairy.”
The way she says it makes my teeth grind, my knuckles whitening around my fork. I cannot ignore the bitterness underneath it.
“Watch your fucking tone,” I snap, and she scoffs, flicking her hair over her shoulder like a horse’s tail.
“Well, we could be family soon, fairy. Don’t you think it’s time we let bygones be bygones?”
“What the fuck is she talking about?” I snap, turning to Felix, who looks part ashamed, part frustrated.
“Felix, so help me God, you better answer me,” I say through gritted teeth.
“Didn’t you tell her, baby?”
“Bex, not now,” Felix bites out.
“There’s no time like the present,” I snark.
“Oh well, I am one of Felix’s promised. Our daddies finalised it last week.”
Daddies. Gag.
“Rebecca,” Felix snaps, loud enough that people turn to look. “Do not make me tell you again. Now leave. You’re causing a scene.”
“But—”
“No, Rebecca. Go.” Felix sighs, his shoulders tighten as he watches her and her minions stumble away.
“When were you going to tell me?” I ask, trying to keep the hurt out of my voice, but it bleeds through anyway.
“Fae, you are going through a lot. I already dropped the other bomb on you. I didn’t want to cause you any more stress.”
“Any more stress?” I scoff. “Felix, for an intelligent man, you are dense sometimes. Why her?”
“Do you think I had a choice? You know who I want,” he says through gritted teeth.
“Yeah, but she’s not here, is she? Whose fucking fault is that?”
“Fairy, that’s not fair,” Riggs interjects.
“Fair?!” I say, venom lacing every word.
“Do you want to talk about fairness, Riggs? Do you want to talk about how fair it is that my brother kept his feelings a secret? Or how fair it is that his only other option is a woman who has made my life hell? Or better yet, why don’t we talk about how fair it is that while you’re all sitting here filling your stomachs, the only morally decent one of us is probably starving in a cage somewhere? ”
Silence settles over the table, thick and suffocating. The boys exchange looks, communicating in that quiet way they always do. If I were a decent person, I would stop, but I’m not. I never have been. I was tainted the moment my genetics decided I was going to be female.
I stand, meeting each of their eyes.
“Do not talk to me about what is fair. Newsflash, life is not fair. It’s about time you men understood that, because as women, we have been living it since we were old enough to bleed.”
I grab my bag and turn to leave.
“Wait, Fae, where are you going?” Atlas gently grabs my wrist before I get far.
“Home,” I mumble. “I’ll see you at eight.”
“I’ll take you. Felix dropped you off this morning.” He stands, already gathering his things.
“No, it’s fine. I’ll get a cab.”
“I’m going home anyway, Fae. Humour me.”
I close my eyes, overwhelmed by the emotion. For a long time, I blamed Father for not having friends, but the truth is I am difficult to love. I know they don’t deserve my backlash, but I have nowhere to put the pain and anger that sits under my skin.
I nod, thanking him as we make our way to the car park. When I spot his BMW R12 motorbike, a quiet thrill runs through me at the thought of riding it home. He unlocks the compartment, shoves our bags inside, pulls out a spare helmet and secures it under my chin.
Tapping my head, he swings onto the bike and gestures for me to climb on behind him.
I wrap my arms around Atlas as the bike leans into the bends, the road stretching ahead like a ribbon pulled too fast. Hedges blur into green walls, fields flash in and out of view, and the sky opens wide above us.
The engine growls beneath me, vibrating through my chest, drowning out every stray thought as the wind tears through my hair and steals the air from my lungs.
Each turn tips my stomach, sending a sharp thrill through me, as fear tangles tightly with something that feels dangerously close to freedom. The air smells of cut grass and damp earth, and with every mile, the world narrows until there is nothing left but the motion and the noise and the relief.
By the time we pull up outside my flat, my hands are still tight around him.
I undo the helmet as Atlas grabs our things and when I turn back to him, he pulls me into a hug.
It lasts longer than usual, heavy with things neither of us say.
When I pull back, his hands settle on my shoulders as I look up into his blue eyes.
“I’ll see you tonight. Remember, Fae, you’re an incredibly strong woman, and we are all so proud of you.”
My breath stutters at his words, my eyes sting despite myself. For a moment, I wonder how he came to that conclusion. Did he hack into something he shouldn’t have? Has he found evidence of what I’ve endured? Do I even want to know?
I press a quick kiss to his cheek before heading up to the flat. Collapsing onto the sofa, I hit shuffle on Spotify, and ‘Panic Room by Au/Ra’ starts to play. I kick off my shoes and let the weight of the last twenty-four hours settle over me.