36. Fae #3
“None of this is okay.” She clings onto me and tears start to well up in my own eyes because she’s right.
What she’s been through, what I’ve been through, what our whole fucking friend group has been through is literally the definition of ‘not okay’ and I start squeezing her harder as we rock side to side whilst the destruction and weight of everything that’s happened settles over us.
“She was so easy to love,” she speaks into my shoulder as her sobs slowly start settling and I nod wordlessly.
“She made me feel like I was easy to love too. I finally felt like I had a home, you know? I’ve wanted one for so long that losing her made me feel like I was six again being passed from foster parent to foster parent. ”
“I’m sorry,” my voice cracks but she immediately shakes her head.
“You have nothing to apologise for.” She clears her throat as we slowly step back from each other.
Her hand stays wrapped tightly around mine as we look at each other.
“I never should’ve said that to you. All I wanted was a mum and I know she wasn’t actually mine, but I couldn’t stop it, Fae.
I couldn’t stop needing her and then she was just… ”
Gone.
The word never leaves her mouth but it hangs heavily between us anyway as guilt claws viciously at my stomach. Before it can consume me completely, I lift my free hand and cup her face gently.
“Hey,” I whisper firmly. “You don’t need to apologise for grieving.”
“But I hurt you.”
“We hurt each other.”
Her face crumples again.
“I’m sorry too,” I admit quietly. “And for what it’s worth… I think Fi would be raging at both of us for fighting before her funeral.”
A watery laugh escapes her through the tears.
“Definitely,” she sniffles.
I smile sadly before she finally lets go of me and starts rummaging through her bag.
“Here,” she says softly, holding something out in her hands.
I look down and my bottom lip immediately starts wobbling when I see my friendship bracelet with the little moon charm attached to it. I snatch it from her more aggressively than I intend to before clutching it tightly against my chest and looking back up at her.
“How?”
“Felix had it,” she smiles softly at me. “I got it fixed two days ago.”
A frown immediately pulls at my face. “We weren’t even talking two days ago…”
“Ye of little faith,” she weakly smiles and a real chuckle finally falls from my mouth.
I hold my left arm out toward her so she can tie it back around my wrist before we clasp our hands together, our charms knocking softly against each other whilst we start walking back toward the church entrance.
We’re nearly there when a thought suddenly hits me and I stop walking. Robyn glances toward me questioningly.
“Have you thought about finding your birth mum?”
She screws up her face. “I wouldn’t even know where to start.”
My mind flashes back to Fisher telling me where we could find Robyn’s mum and a dangerous thought starts forming in my brain.
Judging by the way my pulse suddenly starts racing, I already know Felix is going to absolutely hate it.
So many questions have been left unanswered and maybe, just maybe, Robyn’s mum could be the key to all of them.
She could finally find her home and we could finally find the answers we’ve been looking for.
“Why not start at The Compound?”
“How would I even get in there?”
I hold her gaze. “By officially joining The Company. You have Councillor blood, Robyn. You have a birthright to thi—”
“There you two are!” Riggs’ voice suddenly booms through the church entrance.
Both of us turn toward the sound. All five boys stand framed in the doorway with the storm-dark sky behind them like avenging angels waiting at the gates of Hell. Robyn cuts me a look before we start making our way toward them hand in hand.
“So, you kissed and made up?” Riggs asks immediately.
“Yes,” I smile, squeezing Robyn’s hand slightly.
“Fuck that’s hot, invite me next ti—ow!” Riggs barks as Felix’s hand smacks against the back of his head with a deeply satisfying slap.
“I will personally carve your eyes out of your head whilst Roman pulls your tongue out through your throat, Riggs. Don’t fucking push me.”
Riggs rubs the back of his head dramatically before looking between us girls and winking. Robyn lets out a nervous chuckle whilst I roll my eyes so hard it physically hurts. Roman walks toward me then, pressing a soft kiss against my forehead the second he reaches me.
“Ready to drink?” he mumbles against my hair and I raise an eyebrow at him instantly.
“Okay, we drink and you sit there looking pretty.”
“That I can do,” I smile back.
Roman’s eyes drift down toward mine and Robyn’s linked hands before he slowly raises an eyebrow at me.
“Absolutely not. No touching, male or female. I don’t discriminate.”
Before either of us can react, he dramatically rips our hands apart and I glance over at Robyn who gives me a knowing smile. For the first time since Fiona died, the grief sitting inside my chest doesn’t feel quite so lonely.