Chapter 8 JULES
JULES
"Jules!" I heard Nia calling my name in my sleep.
I didn't open my eyes, too stuck in what I was dreaming about.
My body felt heavy, like I was pinned under something I couldn't see.
"Huh," I mumbled, sticking my hand in my pants.
I could hear her smack her lips and blow out a breath, that sharp one she did when she was already past patience, before she hit me.
"Jules get the fuck up now." She snatched me up by the t-shirt I had on. I snapped my eyes open, vision blurry, heart jumping into my throat before my mind could catch up.
"The fuck Nia?" I said, prying her hands off my shirt.
"Your grown ass daughter is not in her fucking bed. That's what the fuck."
The room felt too quiet after that. No TV.
No movement down the hall. Just that hum the house made at night when everybody was supposed to be asleep.
I rubbed my eyes, making sure I was hearing her right, then slung my feet off the bed and stood up in front of her.
"Fuck you mean she not in her bed?" I said.
"I meant exactly what I said. Juelz said he heard her go out the window a couple of hours after they laid down to go to sleep.
" She ran her fingers through her short hair like she was trying not to lose her mind.
That motion hit me harder than her words.
Nia only did that when she was scared and pissed at the same time.
I snatched my phone up off the nightstand, the screen lighting up the room too bright.
Three A.M. "Don't bother calling her ass.
She left the phone here," Nia said, already walking out of the room.
That wasn't careless, that was intentional.
That sat wrong in my chest. I followed her down to the kitchen, then out on the front porch. The night air hit me heavy, damp, like it was pressing in instead of opening up. "What the fuck going on?" I said, still trying to piece shit together.
"I'm not about to keep explaining to your muthafuckin ass. Just shut up and get out my face, Jules, before you piss me off," she snapped.
"Chill out, Nia. I'm just tryna figure out what the fuck make this girl feel so comfortable to sneak out of my house.
" My nostrils flared without me meaning for them to.
Every second ticking by made the picture in my head worse.
Every dark thought I worked hard not to entertain started creeping back in.
"I'm scared as hell, Jules," Nia mumbled.
"I know this is just Julise being grown, but I can't imagine losing another child due to her bullshit.
I just can't. It's no reason for this shit.
" Her voice cracked. I could hear it even before I saw her face.
She rocked in the chair, arms wrapped tight around herself like she was holding something together.
"Crazy part is her ass don't give a fuck. "
That's when it hit me hard. Fear didn't come with sirens.
It came quiet. Slipped in through memories you never asked for.
Juliana's laugh. That hospital room. That phone call.
Before I could say anything, headlights shined through the yard.
A red car pulled up slow. Nia moved quick, grabbing the two switches she had bound together and sitting there on the porch.
Within seconds, she was off the porch and walking up to the car.
When Julise opened the door, the light came on, showing a nigga with a low haircut and chains around his neck.
My chest tightened. I moved off the porch fast, anger sharp but controlled.
"Who the fuck is this pulling up in my yard, Jul, this lil nigga got you sneaking out the house and shit?
" I said, pointing my finger as I walked toward the driver’s side.
Before I could reach for the handle, the young nigga pulled off, tires spinning gravel all through the driveway. Coward didn't even look back.
By the time I turned around, Nia had already lit into Julise's ass, cussing her out and hitting her everywhere she could with that damn switch.
"You think you muthafuckin grown, huh? Ima show your ass grown.
" Julise cried out, covering herself, but Nia kept swinging.
I stood there for half a second too long, watching something old and ugly rise in Nia's face.
That wasn't just anger. That was fear dressed up as rage. "Ma, stop hittin' me!" Julise screamed.
Nia didn't stop until Julise reached out and grabbed the switch, snatching it out of her mama's hand.
That was the wrong move. I saw it the second it happened.
Nia's face hardened. She grabbed Julise by the chest, ripping her shirt, pulling her close.
Julise started shaking. She knew it was too late.
"Everything I do to take care of your ass and give you what you want, and you keep spitting in my face.
I'm done with that shit. Nice mama is gone," Nia roared.
That's when I moved, stopping it before shit went too far. I grabbed Julise by the arm and pulled her back. "Get to your fuckin room now!" I said, pushing her toward the house. She ran, and the Door slammed behind her.
The porch felt empty again, but the air was thick, like it was holding onto what just happened.
Nia stood there breathing hard, chest rising and falling fast. "I'm done with all of this shit, Jules.
Y'all wanted me to be a bitch, y'all got it.
Ima whop her ass every time she get out of line with me. " She brushed past me and went inside.
I stayed where I was. Didn't chase her. Shid, what was I to follow her and say?
I just stood there in the dark, listening to the house settle back into itself.
Somewhere inside, a door closed. Somewhere else, a light flicked off.
I thought about that cell. How quiet it got at night.
How you learned to keep your feelings tight, locked down, because once you let them loose, you couldn't reel them back in.
Standing on that porch, I realized something real clear.
I knew how to survive. I knew how to protect.
But whatever part of me was supposed to soften things, heal things, talk shit through, that part never made it back home.
I accepted that standing there on that porch, night still thick around me, house quiet like it was holding its breath.
Some shit don't return once it leave. You just adjust to the space it used to take up.
The next morning, Nia and I were sitting down at the table with breakfast spread out, waiting for the kids to get up and come downstairs.
Eggs, bacon, and toast laid out neatly like routine was supposed to fix what the night before had cracked open.
The house smelled like food and coffee, normal shit, but the air felt tight.
Like everybody was being careful not to move too fast. We'd agreed on me taking Jezel and Juelz to school, and she was gon take Julise to the doctor's office and get her on birth control.
The words had been said calm, business-like, no arguing attached to it.
That's how we handled things now. Decisions made without emotion.
Clean and Efficient. That didn't make it hurt less.
Jezel and Juelz had come down and started eating while their mama leaned against the counter, signing their folders.
I watched Nia's hand move across the paper, steady, controlled.
She looked tired. Not sleepy tired, life tired.
I knew that couldn't be fixed with rest, still, she kept herself composed.
Julise came down about fifteen minutes after the fact, right when it was time to go out the door.
Hoodie on, face closed off, energy sharp.
She moved like she was daring somebody to say something.
"Good morning, Jul," Jezel smiled at her.
Julise didn't answer her. Just walked past her in the kitchen like she wasn't there.
That small shit bothered me more than the big blowups.
Disrespect disguised as silence. "Jul you heard my sister.
Don't be mad at her because you got whooped," Juelz said, looking at her like he was confused more than anything.
I stepped in, shutting him up. "Nigga hush and come on," I said, ushering him out the door before he could push it further. I didn't look at Julise when I said it. Didn't look at Nia either. Some mornings, looking too long made things worse.
We listened to music and talked as I drove them to school.
Same songs. Same route. Juelz telling me about some kid at recess.
Jezel reminding me about a test coming up.
I nodded, responded where I needed to, and kept my voice level.
This part I knew how to do. This was easy.
Dropping them off felt like relief. Once they were out of the car and walking toward the building, I sat there for a second longer than I needed to.
Engine running. Hands on the wheel. Watching kids move around with backpacks and loud voices, life still moving forward whether you ready for it or not.
After pulling off, I headed to Velvet to meet up with my brothers.
The drive there was quiet. No music this time.
Just the sound of the road and my own thoughts staying where I put them.
I didn't replay last night. Didn't unpack anything.
I'd learned inside that revisiting shit you couldn't change was a good way to lose your mind.
Velvet sat just like it always did. Familiar.
Predictable. The kind of place where nobody asked questions unless they needed answers.
Pulling into the lot, I realized something else, too, something colder.
At home, everything felt too close. At Velvet, I could breathe.
That told me more than I wanted to know.