Jules
The bass from the radio filled the silence of the car.
The speakers rattled faintly, something loose inside the door vibrating with every low note.
I hadn't fixed it. Hadn't cared to. Some shit you just learned to live with.
My mind was somewhere between waking up to Nia riding my dick this morning and where I was headed.
That had become her thing. She got up before the sun, and she took dick from me when she got ready, like I was a live dildo or some shit.
No talking or buildup. Just pressure, movement, and breathing.
Sex with her had become just that. No passion or love behind it. We both knew what we were there for.
Release.
Escape.
Silence.
I gripped the steering wheel tighter without realizing it.
My knuckles tightening against the worn leather, thumb brushing over the crack near the seam where my hand rested most. I kept my eyes on the road.
I tried not to think about her face when she did it.
My mind flashed with images of the way she'd roll off me and disappear into the bathroom without a word.
By the time I opened my eyes again, she wouldn't be there.
She'd be gone like it hadn't happened at all.
Like we hadn't happened at all. The light turned red, and I slowed the car, brake pads squealing faintly under pressure.
The sound irritated me. Everything irritated me lately.
I sat there, engine humming. People crossed the street in front of me.
Laughing. Talking. Living regular lives.
I wondered if they knew how fast shit could rot from the inside.
I exhaled slowly through my nose. Nia hadn't even cared to make eye contact with me when she got off me this morning.
She used to look at me after, that's how I knew shit had changed.
Her hands had pressed against my chest just enough to steady herself before she climbed off.
Her breathing was uneven for a second before she got control of it.
The whole moment stuck with me longer than it should have.
I told myself it didn't matter. Sex was sex.
We had kids. We had history. We had obligations.
Love ain't always loud. Sometimes it was just presence and staying. That's what I told myself.
The light turned green, and I pressed the gas.
The car moved forward. I pulled into the parking lot, parked around back, then walked into the building.
The hotel looked like it always did, polished, clean, too calm.
Glass doors sliding open without a sound.
Carpet thick enough to swallow footsteps.
Air conditioning was hitting my face like it had something to prove.
I didn't belong in places like this. Or maybe I did. Depends on who you asked.
I sat at the bar in the lower area of the hotel, ordering a double shot of Hennessy.
"Double Henny," I said, voice flat. The bartender nodded like he'd seen my type before.
I threw it back and ordered another. The burn was quick.
Clean. Straight to the chest. I was wrestling with myself about being here.
I didn't know what the fuck I was doing.
I knew what my intentions were, but I also knew I shouldn't have been here, because I knew for a fact temptation was a mutha fucka.
That part was simple. You don't meet fire in a room full of curtains.
You don't revisit what burned your house down.
But I was here anyway. Because control mattered.
Because I didn't trust nobody else to handle this clean.
I'd rather look a problem in the face than let it circle behind me. That's what I told myself.
"Don Julio margarita on the rocks, please.
" I heard Jade's voice before I felt her presence fill the seat beside me.
I didn't look up at her. Just stared in the glass clenched in my hand.
The ice had melted some. Diluting the liquor.
Weakening it. "You look good," she said, taking her drink from the bartender.
Her voice carried that same tone. Smooth.
Calculated. Like everything was a performance.
I didn't answer. Didn't give her nothing. She shifted in the seat, crossing her legs. I could see the movement in my peripheral. Didn't turn. "Why you wanted to meet here of all places?" I questioned. My voice stayed level.
She smiled. I could hear it. "Private enough, and public enough if it's a setup, somebody else will see it." She took a sip. Lime hitting the rim of her glass.
"What you tryna say?" I questioned.
"Exactly what I said. I know your brother looking for me. I can imagine he don't wanna have a friendly conversation either." She said it light. Like it was a joke.
I took another sip from my glass. Ice clicking against my teeth. "If you know that, why you playing these pussy ass police games?" I responded.
She turned toward me then. I could feel it.
The weight of her eyes. "Why not?" she questioned.
"You up and leave me high and dry and treat me like shit, all because you wake up one day deciding you finally wanna be faithful to your wife.
Fuck you, Jules." Her voice tightened at the end.
I could hear the bitterness in it. I let the words sit between us.
Look, Jade," I sighed. "I ain't come here for all that. Don't you got a kid or some shit by that nigga that died a while back?"
She stiffened slightly. "Why you worried about my son? He's of no concern to you."
"What's it gon take for you to disappear?" I questioned, cutting her short. That got her attention.
She leaned back in her chair, studying me. "You really think it's that simple?" she said.
"Yes." I didn't blink.
She laughed under her breath. "You always think money fixes everything."
"Does it or don't it?" I replied.
She tapped her fingers against the glass. "You think I'm scared of you?"
"No," I said. "I think you scared of ending up broke and alone." That one landed.
Her jaw tightened. "You think you can just pay me off and I'll vanish?"
"I think you like attention. I think you like knowing you still got a hook in me. I think you think this is revenge."
Her eyes darkened. "And what if it is?" she asked quietly.
I finally looked at her. She wasn't the same either.
Harder around the edges. Tired eyes. But still dangerous.
Not because she had power, but because she had nothing to lose.
That's always more dangerous. "You got a son," I said. "That should be your focus."
She laughed again. "Nigga don't act like you concerned about my son when you the reason his daddy aint here." That one slid across the bar smooth. I cut my eyes at her.
"Ion know what the fuck you talking bout," I said through my teeth.
She scoffed. "Sure you don't." The bartender glanced between us then looked away quick. Smart. The bar felt tighter suddenly. Like the ceiling had dropped an inch. Like the air didn't circulate the way it was supposed to.
I stared at my glass instead of her face.
"Look, Jade," I sighed, voice steady. "You continue with this shit, you might not make it to that trial.
You know that. Name your price, man, and stop it with this bullshit and these games.
" I didn't threaten her directly. Didn't have to. She knew what came with my name.
She looked away first. Took another sip of her drink. Ice hit her teeth. "You broke my heart," she said finally.
I almost laughed and said something more hurtful, but I didn't. "You knew what this was."
"I thought I did."
"That's on you." She shook her head slow, like I was the one missing something.
"You don't feel nothing?" I didn't answer because the truth wasn't clean.
I felt something. But not longing or regret.
Not the kind of feeling she wanted to pull out of me.
Just recognition. It was Recognition that I'd caused damage, that my choices rippled further than I intended, and everything always came back around, whether you believed in karma or not.
"I feel responsibility," I said finally.
"For what?" she snapped.
"For my house. Fuckin wit you and damn near destroying my happy home.
" The words came out even. No emotion tied to them.
Just truth. That was the only thing that mattered.
Nia flashed through my mind then. Not in a romantic way.
Just the image of her standing at the kitchen counter wiping it down like she was trying to scrub something invisible off it.
The way she wiped in small circles. Over and over.
The way she didn't look at me when I came in the room.
That silence between us felt heavier than Jade sitting beside me.
"Jules I think your ass still playing both sides when it come down to it, hell I’m on a mission to prove you is.
It’s only a matter of time before your ass come crawling back in my life like you never fucking left.
You and I both know this meet up about way more than a payout.
" She said, taking money out of her purse, setting it on the bar.
I watched her fingers as she laid the cash down, neat and calculated.
"You think I'm here cause I miss you?" I asked.
She tilted her head slightly. "You here cause you can't stand not being in control."
That one hit closer, but I didn't show it. "I'm here cause I don't leave loose ends," I said.
She smirked. "You always been scared of loose ends."
"Loose ends get you killed."
"Or divorced," she added quietly. That was one of the heaviest things she said.
I looked at her then. "You think this about you?" I asked.
She shrugged. "You sitting here with me."