Chapter 9
I woke to someone shaking my shoulder.
"Serenya. Serenya, wake up."
Brooke's voice cut through the fog of sleep. I opened my eyes to find her leaning over me, already dressed, her face concerned.
"What time is it?"
"Early. Too early." She sat on the edge of my bed. "You were talking in your sleep again. More than usual. You kept saying 'I'm trying' and 'not yet' over and over."
My chest tightened. I'd been dreaming—something about shadows and drowning and reaching for light that stayed just out of reach. The details were already fading.
"I'm fine."
"You're not fine. You haven't been sleeping well since we got here." She studied me with those sharp green eyes. "Is it the nightmares? Or something else?"
The shadows visiting me every night. Kairen slowly losing control. The impossible pull toward something extinct.
"Just stress," I lied. "The training is brutal."
"It is." She didn't look convinced but let it drop. "Come on. Breakfast, then we have Mental Defense. Professor Kaelith said today's lesson would be 'particularly unpleasant,' which coming from her is genuinely terrifying."
The second week at Arclight Academy somehow managed to be worse than the first.
Master Wren had decided we were "insufficiently motivated" and increased the training intensity to levels that had students dropping like flies. Three more first-years withdrew after a particularly brutal conditioning session left them vomiting in the dirt.
"Weakness culls itself," Master Wren announced, watching them leave. "Better to quit now than die in the Wilderness."
I survived by sheer stubbornness. My body screamed protest with every exercise, my lungs burned with every lap, but I refused to quit. Refused to be another name on the list of students who couldn't handle it.
Marcus still threw sneers my way whenever we crossed paths, but he kept his distance after our combat trial. Apparently getting knocked down by the "ghost girl" had bruised his ego enough that he avoided direct confrontation.
Small mercies.
Mental Defense, however, was becoming my unexpected strength.
Professor Kaelith seemed almost surprised that I could consistently break her illusions faster than most of the class. Today's lesson involved being trapped in scenarios designed to trigger panic responses—enclosed spaces, heights, drowning sensations.
"You're naturally resistant to mental manipulation," she observed after I'd broken free from a particularly nasty illusion of being buried alive. "Interesting. Most students with your physical limitations struggle with this coursework. Why don't you?"
"I've spent my whole life distinguishing between what my body tells me and what's real," I said. "My body tells me I'm dying. Reality says I'm still here. Same principle."
Something flickered in her pale eyes—might have been approval. "Perspective is more valuable than strength in Mental Defense. Remember that for the Maze."
"The Maze isn't for three more weeks."
"No. But preparation begins now." She turned to address the class. "The Maze Trial will test everything you've learned here. Some of you will excel. Most will not. Use these weeks wisely."
After class, Brooke and I headed to the library—me to continue research on dragon bonds, her to study griffin behavioral patterns.
"Caleb invited me to the restricted training area tonight," Brooke said as we climbed the library stairs. "The one only second-years and above are supposed to use."
"That sounds like a terrible idea."
"Probably. But he says there's equipment that could help me prepare for griffin trials. And..." She smiled. "I like spending time with him. He's good company."
"You're getting attached."
"Maybe." She didn't sound concerned. "Is that so bad? We're going to be here for months. Might as well enjoy the parts that don't involve Master Wren trying to kill us."
I couldn't argue with that logic.
We settled into our usual corner on the third floor. Brooke immediately buried herself in griffin manuscripts while I pulled out Elara's journal and several historical texts on dragon bonds.
I'd read through most of Elara's writings by now, but certain passages kept drawing me back.
Her descriptions of the light dragon bond—the overwhelming intensity of emotion, the way it healed her body but left her raw and exposed to every sensation.
The way shadow-bonded mages' darkness reached for her like it recognized something.
"I met the shadow mage again today," one entry read. "His name is Aldric, and he's been trying to avoid me since our first encounter. But his shadows betray him—they reach for me every time we're in the same room, writhing against his control like hounds straining at a leash.
"I asked Lyralei why. 'Because shadow and light are meant to complement,' she said. 'Your bond calls to his. His darkness seeks your radiance. This is natural, though humans find it uncomfortable.'
"Aldric doesn't find it uncomfortable. He finds it terrifying. I can see it in his eyes—the fear that his control is slipping, that something is pulling at him that he doesn't understand. He avoids me now, changes his schedule to ensure we never cross paths.
"But the shadows still reach. And something in me still answers."
I read the passage again, my hands trembling slightly.
It was exactly what was happening between Kairen and me. The reaching shadows, the instinctive response, the terror on his part and the confusion on mine.
If Elara and this Aldric were any indication, this was a known phenomenon with dragon bonds. Shadow sought light. Light answered shadow.
But what had happened to them? I flipped through the journal, looking for more entries about Aldric.
There were only two more mentions—one noting that he'd transferred to a different Academy division to "maintain necessary distance," and another, years later, written in shaky handwriting:
"I heard that Aldric died in battle three years ago. His shadow dragon bond consumed him in the end—he lost control completely and became more void than human. They had to kill him before he hurt anyone.
"I wonder if things would have been different if we hadn't run from the connection. If we'd tried to understand it instead of fearing it. But I'll never know now."
Ice ran through my veins.
Lost control. Consumed by the bond. Became more void than human.
Just like what everyone feared would happen to Kairen.
Just like what was already starting to happen.
I stared at the words until they blurred. Aldric had run from the connection, maintained distance, and it hadn't saved him. He'd still lost control. Still been consumed.
What if running was the wrong choice?
What if the connection between shadow and light bonds wasn't something to be feared and avoided, but something necessary? Something that kept both sides balanced?
"You okay?" Brooke's voice cut through my spiraling thoughts. "You look like you've seen a ghost."
"Just reading something disturbing."
"About light dragons?"
I nodded.
"Find anything useful?"
"Maybe." I closed the journal carefully. "Evidence that shadow and light dragon bonds were connected. That they sought each other out instinctively."
"Like Kairen's shadows seeking you out."
"Exactly like that." I met her eyes. "But also evidence that running from that connection might be more dangerous than accepting it."
Brooke was quiet for a moment. "You think you should talk to him. Stop avoiding each other."
"I don't know what I think. But Elara wrote about a shadow mage who avoided her, maintained distance, tried to prevent his shadows from reaching her. And he still lost control. Still got consumed by the bond." I set the journal aside. "What if keeping distance is making it worse?"
"Then talk to him. After Mental Defense today, go find him."
"Professor Veyra said—"
"Professor Veyra doesn't know everything. And Caleb is worried sick about his brother." Brooke's voice turned firm. "Look, I'm not saying throw yourself at him or anything dramatic. But maybe just... acknowledge what's happening. See if talking about it helps."
"What if it makes it worse?"
"What if it doesn't?" She stood and stretched. "I need to go meet Caleb. Think about it, okay? You can't keep dancing around each other forever. Eventually something's going to break."
She left, and I sat alone in the library corner, surrounded by books about bonds and magic and ancient history.
Eventually something's going to break.
She was right. I could feel it—the tension building, the connection strengthening despite both of us fighting it. Every night the shadows came to me, every night I felt Kairen through them, every night the pull grew stronger.
How long could we keep this up?
I was still debating when I felt it—that familiar prickle at the back of my neck. The sensation of being watched.
I looked up slowly.
The shadows in the corner near the restricted section were darker than they should be. Deeper. Moving.
My heart hammered against my ribs, but I kept my voice soft. "You shouldn't be here. It's the middle of the day. Anyone could see."
The shadows didn't retreat. Instead, they stretched toward me—not one tendril but several, moving with clear purpose across the library floor in broad daylight where anyone could walk in.
This was different from the nighttime visits. This was bold. Reckless. This was Kairen's control fracturing so completely that his shadows came for me regardless of time or place or witnesses.
I glanced around the library. Empty except for me. The afternoon lull when most students were at training or in classes.
The shadows reached my chair, curling around the legs, reaching up toward my feet. Tentative. Almost hesitant.
"He's fighting you right now, isn't he?" I whispered. "Trying to pull you back. But you're not listening anymore."
The shadows pulsed—confirmation. I could feel the strain in them, the push and pull between their master's commands and their own instinct.
"You're scaring him." I watched as more tendrils emerged, creating a small pool of darkness at my feet. "He thinks he's losing himself. Thinks you're consuming him."
Another pulse. Not denial, but something more complicated. They weren't trying to consume him—they were trying to reach me. There was a difference, even if Kairen couldn't see it.
"Is it always going to be like this?" I asked the darkness. "This push and pull? This constant battle between what he wants and what you need?"
The shadows stretched higher, reaching for my hand where it rested on the arm of my chair. The movement was almost pleading.
I shouldn't touch them. Not here, not in daylight, not when anyone could walk in and see. Professor Veyra's warning echoed in my mind: Stay away from him until after the bonding trial.
But these weren't Kairen. These were his shadows, acting on instinct he couldn't control. And they were begging.
"He's going to be furious about this," I said softly. "You know that, right? He's going to feel you touch me and hate himself for not being able to stop it."
The shadows stilled, as if considering. Then they moved again—slower this time, more careful. Not demanding. Asking.
"You really won't leave until I do this, will you?"
A pulse. Definitive.
I sighed and lowered my hand. "Fine. But just for a moment. And then you have to go back to him, understand? He needs you, even if he's terrified of what you're doing."
The shadows met my fingertips, and the connection snapped into place with startling clarity.
I could feel Kairen more vividly than ever before—not just his presence, but his emotions. The terror as he felt his shadows leave him in the middle of training. The rage at his own lack of control. The desperate, bone-deep exhaustion of someone who'd been fighting too long.
And underneath it all—buried so deep he probably didn't recognize it himself—longing.
He wanted to stop fighting. Wanted to surrender. Wanted to cross the distance between us and see what happened.
But he was too terrified to let himself.
The shadows wrapped around my wrist, my arm, desperate and seeking. Through them, I sent back what I hoped was reassurance. I'm here. I'm not afraid of you. Tell him he's not alone in this. Tell him...
I didn't know what else to say. What comfort could I offer through shadows to someone convinced he was being consumed by darkness?
"You have to go back now," I whispered. "Before someone comes. Before this gets worse for him."
The shadows tightened briefly—almost like a squeeze, like they were trying to hold on to this moment. Then slowly, reluctantly, they began to retreat.
"Wait," I said impulsively. The shadows stopped. "Tell him—" I paused, trying to find words that wouldn't sound insane. "Tell him I read about Aldric. About what happened when he ran. Tell him that keeping distance didn't save anyone."
I didn't know if shadows could communicate complex messages. Probably not. But they pulsed again—acknowledgment, maybe, or just farewell—before sliding away across the library floor, disappearing back into the corner.
The library felt colder without them. Empty.
I was still staring at the spot where they'd vanished when a voice made me jump.
"Well. This is interesting."
I looked up to find Terrance leaning against a bookshelf, his usual half-smirk in place. His eyes tracked the now-empty corner where the shadows had fled.
"How long have you been standing there?"
"Long enough to see you having a full conversation with rogue shadow magic." He pushed off the bookshelf and approached. "Kairen's going to lose his mind when he realizes his shadows came to you in broad daylight where anyone could have seen."
"Are you going to tell him you saw?"
"He already knows they found you. He felt them touch you. Probably felt whatever you tried to send back through the connection." Terrance sat in the chair Brooke had vacated. "Question is: what are you going to do about it?"
"About what?"
"About the fact that his control is gone.
That his shadows seek you out whether he wants them to or not.
That he's slowly being consumed by void, and you might be the only thing that can stop it.
" Terrance's voice was serious for once.
"I read the same journals you did. Elara's writings about Aldric.
About what happened when they avoided each other. "
"You've been watching me."
"Someone needed to. You're at the center of something you don't fully understand, and Kairen's too proud and terrified to ask for help.
" He leaned forward. "Shadow and light dragon bonds are meant to balance each other.
Aldric ran from that, kept distance, and it destroyed him.
Kairen's doing the same thing. And you're letting him because Professor Veyra said to stay away. "
"She said he needs control to survive."
"He needed control before. Now he needs something else." Terrance's eyes were sharp, calculating. "I think you know what that is. Question is whether you're brave enough to do it."
"Do what, exactly?"
"Stop running. Stop letting him run. Force the issue before it's too late." He stood. "The Maze Trial is in three weeks. After that, everything escalates. Training gets harder, stakes get higher. If you're going to do something, do it before then. While there's still time."
He left me sitting there, my wrist still tingling where the shadows had touched.
Force the issue.
Stop running.
But how? Kairen had rearranged his entire life to avoid me. I couldn't exactly corner him and demand we have a conversation about impossible connections and dragon bond theory.
Could I?
I gathered my books and Elara's journal, my mind racing.
Maybe it was time to stop waiting for him to make a choice.
Maybe it was time to make it for both of us.
The shadows had been brave enough to come to me in daylight, defying their master's control.
Maybe I needed to be just as brave.