3. Chapter Three
Chapter Three
Malina
R yker’s cranky lizard pet dumped us on Morah’s doorstep without warning. I couldn’t blame Ryker for sending us away and not coming with us to make sure we were alright. I wouldn’t have even blamed him if he wanted to kill me.
He hated me. I saw it in his eyes when I told him. I hated me too. I had lost my sister, he had lost his mate. And I was responsible.
I killed her.
Yes, she had told me to. But that didn’t stop the expanding hole of guilt. And when Ryker arrived, it all came crashing down on me like a violent wave in a storm. With each passing moment, I found myself drowning, sinking deeper and deeper until there was nothing left. I welcomed it, letting it consume me until I was nothing more than a hollow cavity.
I wanted to feel nothing—instead, I felt everything.
Nikan groaned as I leaned him against the dark, glass walls of Morah. I had already lost my sister, and I’d be damned if I let my brother die too. He was still injured and needed to be seen, but I couldn’t lift his dense body. I rushed inside the Morah library and up to a couple of male Scholars sitting at a table close to the entrance.
“Von, Alban.” Their heads snapped up, and their mouths widened into welcoming smiles. But I wasn’t smiling, and their lips fell when they registered the seriousness on my face. “I need your help. Hurry,” I clipped.
They bolted from their chairs, the wood scraping against the obsidian floor, and followed me outside to where Nikan’s unconscious body lay.
“Malina, what happened?” Von, one of Morah’s genealogists, said, running a worried hand through his auburn hair as he bent down to grab Nikan under his broad shoulders.
What happened… Two words that threatened to break me. I couldn’t think about what happened. I couldn’t let myself go there.
“Beaten.” I gestured to Nikan. “He passed out last night and hasn’t woken up since.”
“You don’t look too good yourself, Roav. When was the last time you slept?” Alban, one of the geneticists, said with a glint of concern in his brown eyes, grabbing Nikan’s legs.
“I’m fine. Just help me get Nik to the healers.”
I led the way to the second ring, and they followed while carrying my brother. My eyes were growing heavy. Blinking away the exhaustion, I focused solely on keeping my legs moving as we steadily made our way to the healers, stealing worried glances back at Nikan.
His injuries weren’t recovering…
“So Mal, we think we discovered some…impurities in the Paya family line,” Alban said.
I could tell he was just trying to strike up a conversation to distract me.
“Yeah! We’re certain that three generations ago, when Trin married into the Paya family, she had some kind of affair and birthed someone else’s child. We’ve got Brixey looking into those close to the family at the time. So risque!” Von added.
It was baffling, really. Their excitement for something so mundane. Perspective mattered, I supposed. I never understood the importance of familial blood. I glanced back at Nikan as we approached the healers’ ward. Anyone who saw us knew we shared no blood—his dark skin compared to my olive, and blue eyes to my brown. Nearly every visible characteristic was different, but we were still family. And so was Kya…
I blocked out the rest of their conversation. I knew I should be polite—they were helping me, helping Nikan—but I couldn’t muster the energy to pay attention.
I opened the door to the ward and held it as Von and Alban came through and placed Nikan on one of the small beds. Two healers immediately came to tend to him. It was all I could muster to dismiss the Scholars with a nod of gratitude before I turned my attention back to the healers. They tended to him for several minutes, and my eyes glazed over while my mind started to involuntarily replay the events at the edge of the Rip.
“—miss?”
I blinked away my thoughts to find one of the healers standing in front of me with a concerned look on her face. I hadn’t even noticed that she had approached me.
“What is it?”
“I’m Wayla. Can you tell me who the male is and how he was injured?” she asked, likely for the second time.
“His name is Nikan. I’m his sister, Malina. And I don’t know exactly what happened. He lost consciousness last night after dusk.” I wrapped my arms around myself and leaned my head to peer around her shoulder at Nikan.
She nodded. “Well, he’s dehydrated. And from the looks of it, he’s been assaulted.”
“Will he be okay? Can you tell why he isn’t healing properly?” I asked, trying to concentrate on her words and absorb what she was telling me.
“He’ll be fine. The wounds are healing, just at a much slower rate than would be considered normal. I don’t know why, but I’ll find out soon. In the meantime, we’re giving him nourishment and medicine to speed up his recovery.” She gave a gentle smile. “He’ll need to stay here for a day or two. You look like you could use some assistance as well. Do you want me to take a look?”
“No,” I bit out. I didn’t intend for that to come out so harshly, but I also couldn’t be bothered to add anything else. I didn’t deserve to be healed, not when my sister was—
“Alright,” she agreed, sounding reluctant. “If you want to tell me where you’re staying, I’ll send word once he’s awake or when we find some answers. Whichever comes first. Are you sure you don’t want to rest here? If you’re having trouble sleeping, I have some—”
“No,” I said quickly. “I’ll be at the Morah library. You can find me there.” I turned to leave but stopped myself and went back to Nikan. Brushing my fingers through his tangle of curls that I always needed to comb out for him, I bent down and whispered, “I’ll be back to check on you in the morning. Don’t do anything stupid while I’m gone, alright?” I didn’t know if he could hear me or not, but I wanted him to know I was there for him anyway—that he wasn’t alone. Perhaps it was partly for me as well.
I kissed him on the head and left quickly, before I broke down entirely. It was dark when I emerged on the street and made my way back to Morah. Eamon wasn’t waiting for me, so he likely hadn’t heard of our return yet. If he had, I would have expected him to be standing just within the library’s doors, or he wouldn’t have been waiting at all and would have gone to the healers’ ward himself.
But thank the Gods, he wasn’t here. It was the only small mercy they gave me. I couldn’t stomach seeing him. I couldn’t have that conversation… Let him have one last night before I shattered his peace.
***
There was this moment between sleeping and waking where none of life’s problems existed, and you were suspended in bliss. But it was only for a moment.
The thing I hated most about living in a giant piece of glass was that from dawn until dusk, the light was everywhere. And while the glass was tinted, it was still fucking bright when you were utterly exhausted and hadn’t had enough sleep. I probably could have slept for days, if it wasn’t for the stupid sun. Pair that with the incessant banging on my door, and my mood instantly soured.
If it were a few days before, I would have put in the effort to be bright and energetic—a mask I had mastered. As the weight of recent events threatened to swallow me whole, I didn’t have the energy—or the desire—to keep it up. I was too concerned with keeping myself afloat.
I made my way out of the bedchamber and through the sitting room before opening the door just enough to peer through the crack.
Eamon stood on the other side with his fist raised, relief washing over his features upon seeing me.
“Malina, you’re alright,” he sighed, lowering his hand.
I couldn’t look at him, instead averting my eyes to the door frame. “In a manner of speaking, sure.”
“A healer from the ward came early this morning, before dawn. She informed me Nikan was injured and had been taken there last night, and he’s awake. She was looking for you—”
“Is he okay? Has he healed?” I interrupted the High Scholar, snapping my head up to finally look at him and letting the door swing open farther. “Why didn’t you come tell me sooner?”
“I came immediately, but you didn’t answer. May I come in?” Eamon gestured to my sitting room.
I nodded and stepped aside, allowing him to enter before following and sitting across from him in one of the cushioned chairs with a wooden table between us.
“After you didn’t answer, I went to see Nikan. He’s…healing. Faster than he had been apparently, but still not as fast as normal,” he said in his usual, gentle manner.
“That’s… That’s good,” I mumbled, staring at the floor.
Eamon didn’t say anything, but I could feel his eyes on me.
“Did they figure out why?” I asked after a minute or so. I didn’t register how much time had passed, too lost in the cavernous hollow of myself, focused wholly on the deep void that choked the breath from my body, leaving me numb.
He hesitated for a moment. “Yes. But we need to speak with Nikan. He wants to discuss this with us both.”
I gave a curt nod. “Just give me a minute to dress, and we can go.” I stood, attempting to keep myself together for this, and began to walk back to my room.
“Malina, wait.”
“I’ll be right back—”
“He told me about Kya.”
I froze in the doorway. A swell of debilitating emotions rippled through me, pinning me in place. Guilt, shame, fear, sorrow. My ears hummed as if I were underwater.
I was back at the Rip, the wood of the bow digging into the palm of my hand. The string thumping with the release of the arrow as the feather brushed against my cheek. Daegel’s eyes wide with horror, Kya’s lifted to the stars. Both of them falling.
I killed her.
“Malina.” Eamon was standing in front of me with his hands on my shoulders. A single tear fell down his cheek. “You are not alright.”
No, I wasn’t alright. How could I be? It all crashed into me like a wave breaking against jagged cliffs. My heart had become vacant, pushing out all that would destroy me and shutting it away so I could function—barely. I wished I could have gone back to that feeling.
My chin trembled. “I ki—killed her.” My voice broke. “I’m sorry. Eamon, I’m so sorry.”
I collapsed against his chest with my hands cupped over my face. He wrapped his arms around me, stroking a hand down my loose hair. I sobbed as he held me, barely managing to gasp for breath.
“Child, you did no such thing. You saved her from what would have likely been a terrible end. She didn’t have to suffer. You gave her the ability to choose to leave this world on her own terms, of her own volition. And,” he pulled back, taking my face in his hands, “you allowed her to save you and Nikan and everyone else the Dark Wielder would have harmed.”
But at what cost?
There was a ringing in my ears, muffling the world around me and trying to dim what little light I had left inside.
Was the sacrifice truly worth it for the greater good? Was there some other way Daegel could have been killed that didn’t result in the loss of Kya as well? I couldn’t help but think of all the ways things could have been different. Was that the only option at the time, or was it just what was easiest at that moment? I had replayed the events over and over again in my head, trying to think what could have been done differently—in what ways didn’t result in her end.
The more I thought, the darker everything seemed.
I wiped away my tears and stepped back from him, gathering myself again. I didn’t want to think about this anymore. I didn’t want to feel it. No matter Eamon’s words, the facts were still the same. Pushing away my internal torment, I turned my back on him and went into my room.
“We need to see Nik,” I said flatly before shutting the door.